They Grow Up You Know

Happy Mothers day to all my girl friends who have given so much of their time and energy to others, namely your children.   A story to share with you on your special day!

          I  think back to when I first found out I was pregnant with my first born.   I always recall what my father said,"They grow up you know..."   I always wondered what he meant by that, now I know.  Over the years this statement has held many different meaning for me during the different phases of my sons lives.
          When they were little it made me stronger.  When they were going through a particularly tough phase of development and I was absolutely sure that both of us would never make it I kept on telling myself, "They grow up you know."   Then there were the tender moments.   Their first steps and their first words.  Going off to preschool. I found myself using the phrase while watching them venture forth with a smile on their face, courageously running and hopping, never looking back.  I always used it when they were sick, or hurt and some how looked younger and more vulnerable.
          During their adolescence I struggled in silence, and cried alone for them when they had the normal challanges with friends, girlfriends, grades, driving, etc.etc.   All the time doing my best to be supportive.  Giving them the words, the boundaries, and love; while letting them have freedom.   I kept on telling myself during their ups and downs,"They grow up you know."   When both of them looked me straight in the eyes and said, "FUCK you!" or "I hate you your such a bitch" or my personal favoirte, "I hate living here!"  I took a VERY deep breath and told myself, "They grow up you know."
          In their blossoming adulthood (which one is still going through) I watched ( and still observe) while choices were made.  Some of them good some of them not.   When they have had their heart broken, "They grown up you know."  When they get their first big ticket.  When they make life choices that make you silently say to yourself, " WTF! Did he not learn anything I taught him?  What was all my hard work for?"  When they still won't clean their rooms, pick up after themselves and the saying, "Eating me out of house and home." has taken on a whole new meaning.   "They gorw up you know."   Then the realization, accompanied with mixed feelings, that they would eventually meet the girl of their dreams and build their own happiness.  They actually move out, again, and don't come back.  The mistakes they make are completely their own, and they, for the most part, don't need you anymore.  Always I keep on telling myself, they have to grow up you know.
          Here's the pith of the matter.   When we make a choice to become a mother we are never completely prepared for the the enormity of that choice.   No one can ever tell you, although some will try, about all of the joys, sorrows, smiles, laughter, crying, anger, fear, uncertainty and day in, day out hard work you will share with them.   My sons (including one of my eldest sons friends, who we have been blessed to now include in the title of son) have turned out pretty damn good.  Who would've thought it?  Certainly not me when I was a young mother of 24, barely out of adolescence myself.   I look back on all of the hardships we have shared as a family and now realize that I wouldn't change a thing.   I did everything to the best of my ability.  I protected them when I should have, I taught them what I knew.  I set boundaries that they could still learn safely in.  I let them make mistakes, while making plenty myself.  Most importantly I have never stopped loving them.  I am proud everyday to be their mom.  :)   When I leave this world I know that I have made a difference because of the men my sons have become.   I can't, and won't, take all the credit, my husband, extended family and even friends helped.  Mostly the credit lies with my sons.  
          So with a sense of nostalgia, feelings of pride, love and joy, and I small tear in my eye I shout!
                                 THEY HAVE GROWN UP YOU KNOW!!!
                         Happy Mothers Day my sons!  I am happy to know you!