Smiling Enemies

 

"Smiling Faces Sometimes"

Smiling faces sometimes pretend to be your friend
Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within
Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don't tell the truth uh
Smiling faces, smiling faces
Tell lies and I got proof
The truth is in the eyes
Cause the eyes don't lie,

Remember a smile is just
A frown turned upside down
My friend let me tell you
Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don't tell the truth, uh
Smiling faces, smiling faces
Tell lies and I got proof

Beware, beware of the handshake
That hides the snake
I'm telling you beware
Beware of the pat on the back
It just might hold you back
Jealousy (jealousy)
Misery (misery)
Envy I tell you, you can't see behind smiling faces
Smiling faces sometimes they don't tell the truth
Smiling faces, smiling faces
Tell lies and I got proof
Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don't tell the truth
Smiling faces, smiling faces
Tell lies and I got proof
(Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes)
(Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes)

I'm telling you beware, beware of the handshake
That hides the snake
Listen to me now, beware
Beware of that pat on the back
It just might hold you back
Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don't tell the truth
Smiling faces, smiling faces
Tell lies and I got proof
Your enemy won't do you no harm
Cause you'll know where he's coming from
Don't let the handshake and the smile fool ya
Take my advice I'm only try' to school ya     

      Sometimes I get an uncomfortable feeling/perception that throws up a red flag.  Its not very obvious and usually takes some research, and mindfulness, to understand it.  Its not an usual red flag like anger, or anxiety, it is something far more sneaky.  Competition.  There are people around us every day who will bring up this natural human response.

Definition of competition

1 : the act or process of competing : rivalry: such as

a : the effort of two or more parties acting independently to secure the business of a third party by offering the most favorable terms

• contractors in competition for the contract to build the new school

b : active demand by two or more organisms or kinds of organisms for some environmental resource in short supply

• the interspecies competition for food

     I know a couple, off hand, that periodically bring this feeling out in me; and I am not comfortable with this.  One person likes to passive/aggressively call people out on Facebook by making posts that infer that by not teaching kids to compete we are some how doing them an injustice while not really understanding the pros and cons of teaching competition.     There is another person, who, when entering my home, or life, likes to throw out passive aggressive comments that leave everyone in the room looking at this person like, what the *F*?!?  They will look at me, then the other person, then at me...waiting... for some form of reaction, for me to engage.  I engage by not reacting.  Usually I divert or distract onto another topic, or simply ignore it. 

      When faced with these scenarios enough times the natural human response is to start feeling insecure about yourself.  Insecurity can also come across to those around you as jealousy or envy.  After some research I am here to share that this is actually not how all of us are feeling.  Being empowered with this information helps us to over come the competitive person who is actually, in reality, the jealous, insecure one.  They need everyone around them to get on board of how they are feeling to feel better about themselves.  These types of people are very challenging and really need patience and compassion.

Irish writer Elizabeth Bowen once wrote, "Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies." This simple statement sets a perfect scene in our minds of what jealousy feels like; Others are happy, overtly joyful or secretly mocking, while we are left alone to look like a fool.

      This quote points out the fact that jealousy is not limited to intimate relationships with a partner, or perceived partner.  Jealousy includes all relationships of all kinds and levels.  A person will enter your home, look around with that look that we all recognize as, "wow, look at this place, wish I lived like this." and almost immediately start making comments about how much they know about that piece of furniture and this piece of art.  Followed with some kind of open ended statement about how you can take better care of your pet, or how dirty your windows are and how they keep theirs clean.  Or look up at your lighting fixtures and ceiling fans and make an obvious face that implies, "huh not so perfect after all."  This kind of person brags and blames a lot.  They are never quite satisfied with anything.  They are masters of getting everyone around them to feel as they do so that they do not feel alone in their fear and personal dissatisfaction of life.
      These types of people are masters of passive aggressive manipulation, they are very often narcissistic.  We can see it, but more often than not those around us do not.  Does this mean its not happening?  Many loved ones, out of the need to protect us, and full of good intention, will imply that our perception is faulty.  Thus leaving us feeling more insecure.  Its a horrible nasty circle which leaves a feeling of no peace.  It kind of sucks.
      You could avoid some one who wants to mess with your peace, but honestly, for this to happen we would have to avoid most of society so its not very realistic.  So what do we do?
https://studybuddhism.com/en/buddhism-in-daily-life/how-to/how-to-deal-with-jealousy-in-relationships
      While many articles focus on jealousy in intimate relationship's, in fact most of them do, if you understand that the jealousy you feel is actually a natural human response to some imposed threat it becomes easier to break that feeling down, find its source and deal with it.  Many assume that being Buddhist means that you only meditate on almost everything to just calm your mind  so you don't have to think about suffering. 
     Suffering in Buddhism is anything that causes pain and/or discomfort to the point where you are attached to the feeling/perception.  When this happens there has to be more than meditation, practice has to accompany it.  Practice is not just lighting incense, candles, chanting mantras it requires some mindfulness.  It means that we go to the Buddha for refuge, we go to the Dharma for refuge, we go to the Sangha for refuge.  But what exactly is refuge?
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/wheel282.html#ref1
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/wheel282.html
      When faced with some one or something that questions ourselves it is always a learning opportunity that brings compassion.  When we choose to practice refuge a few things happen. 
      More often than not when we feel threatened we rely on our loved ones to give us some kind of protection, support, safety. This is difficult because their perceptions of the perceived threat may not be the same as ours.  Human nature says we should feel insulted of opposing perceptions; so we get angry that the loved ones are not backing us up.  This only causes more disruption to peace.  We start feeling more alone, isolated and resentful; like the person in question who has, whether intentional or not, caused the threat is winning.  These are all natural human responses.  The challenge in Buddhism is to recognize the natural human response and not act upon it.  Its ok to feel what we feel.  There is good reason.  BUT...is it actually a real threat?

noun

1.

a declaration of an intention or determination to inflict punishment, injury, etc., in retaliation for, or conditionally upon, some action or course; menace: 

 

Is the need to compete brought on by some one else's jealousy really a threat?

 

...no

 

      For many another natural human response to a threat is fight or flight. 

https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/fear2.htm

However, fight or flight is suppose to be reserved for life threatening events.  Unless you are someone who has experienced an environment growing up where threat to life and, or limb is a daily event, then fight or flight is your go to.  Or if you have never been taught the skills to deal with stress the natural human response will also be fight or flight.  Once you understand this about yourself finding the tools to deal with stress is easier.

      In my case the perception I was having was not due to a perceived danger, but actually to feelings I was having that I didn't like having.  The threat was feeling out of control over uncomfortable feelings/perceptions that I didn't know how to deal with. Once I figured it all out I got my peace back.

      When dealing with a person who likes to try to mess with those around them by using passive aggressive remarks and actions to make themselves feel bigger while trying to make you feel smaller remember this.

      Don't compete. Its easy to avoid them, its easy to argue with them or stoop to their level and behave the same way.  If it wasn't so easy there would be far less of these kinds of people to deal with.  Its actually a greater, braver, more intelligent, compassionate choice to keep these kinds of people in your life.  They are there to teach you something about yourself.  More importantly, you have something to teach them.  You don't have to get all high and mighty about it telling yourself and others that what you are doing is a great and wonderful thing; then you are only playing into the dark side of competitive perception which will spawn more jealousy.  Just be you.  Just find your refuge and stay there.  Be at peace with who you are, your choices, your life and those you choose to include in your inner circle. 

      Focus on your individual Karma and by extension know that you will be helping others Karma just by doing the right thing. https://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/karma.htm

Compassion is a tricky thing. http://www.aboutdharma.org/what-is-compassion.php/   It asks that we perceive, acknowledge and try to alleviate it whenever, and where ever, we see it.  It asks that in order to do this that we be compassionate to ourselves first.  It asks that we have a deep understanding of human nature in ourselves and others.  It requires us to be mindful.  It supports, encourages, and requires self confidence.

 

Mindfulness as a practice is described as: "Mindfulness is a way of paying attention that originated in Eastern meditation practices" "Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally" "Bringing one's complete attention to the present experience on a moment-to-moment basis"

 

 https://zenhabits.net/a-guide-to-cultivating-compassion-in-your-life-with-7-practices/

 

The Pith of the Matter.  Feelings, or individual perceptions, are there to teach us something.  They tell us that something is not right either around us, in someone else, ourselves, or a combination of.  We can choose to not feel suffering attached to this opportunity.  We can be mindful, go for refuge, and develop compassion. In order to compete successfully all we need to do is be confident in ourselves and in return naturally build the confidence of those around us. These are the tools to peace.

 

Namaste Emaho Peace out

“Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.”
― Criss Jami, Diotima, Battery, Electric Personality

 

“Real learning comes about when the competitive spirit has ceased.”
― Jiddu Krishnamurti

tags: competition, education, learning, teaching

 

“Insecure people only eclipse your sun because they’re jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights.”
― Shannon L. Alder

tags: competition, games, gossip, insecurity, jealous-women, jealousy, judgement, low-self-esteem, revenge, rumors

262 likes

Like

Liked!view quote

“I am convinced that the jealous, the angry, the bitter and the egotistical are the first to race to the top of mountains. A confident person enjoys the journey, the people they meet along the way and sees life not as a competition. They reach the summit last because they know God isn’t at the top waiting for them. He is down below helping his followers to understand that the view is glorious where ever you stand.”
― Shannon L. Alder