To all my kids real and imagined on mothers day:

"Motherhood is a choice you make everyday to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own to teach the hard lessons to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself over and over again for doing everything wrong."  -Donna Bell


To all my kids real, and imagined, on mothers day:


I know sometimes that I
show too much concern
too much love
too much

I know in return you
show me too much patience
too much love
too much

Everyday I am grateful
for all of you
all your thoughts
all your work
all that you are

So

A letter of praise and thanks
for everything you do
everything you are
and everything you strive to be.

With out you I would not have
all of you
all of me
all of your work
all of my work
all that you are
all that I am
All of you give me the title I am most proud of
Mom

Thank you
Love you
Namaste
Peace out
 

Jars: Or the Proper Uses Of (For moms with sons)

   

      

“Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.”
― Dave Barry

tags: humor, spiders

 

“If anyone wanted ter find out some stuff, all they’d have ter do would be ter follow the spiders. That’d lead ‘em right! That’s all I’m sayin’.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

tags: hagrid, humorous-quotations, spiders

           Some people have asked me to explain some of the points on Survival tips for the First Half of Your Life blog.  So I will do some of these in small, or not so small, blogs.  The first one is related to #7 and #18.  They are actually connected and contain important life lessons relating to, but not limited to, jars, adult supervision, and bugs, specifically spiders...very large spiders...HUGE spiders. 
         When the boys were young from, birth to 12 for our youngest, and 5 to 17 for our eldest, we lived in the mountains of New Mexico.  Its a great place to raise kids in my opinion.  A little isolated but it gave them exposure to all different kinds of living that you cant find living in a city, or suburb.  Hubby loved it too.  Actually I liked living there a lot also. 
          Nights were very quiet, except for the owls, and coyotes stalking our cats.  You could see very star in the sky.  Air was nice and fresh smelling.  We learned to keep our nearly 2 acres very organic, and in harmony.  Never using pesticides etc.; we had a well and septic field.  I grew herbs, and vegetables, and learned what herbs could be used as simple remedy's for things like rashes, bug bites, sleep etc.  
          We kept the house warm with a pellet stove and wood.  Buying at least a cord of wood every year and chopping it.  We never had to shovel snow, the kids just sleddded on it.  We learned how to put chains on tires, and drive in all kinds of weather through the mountains.  We cut down our own Christmas tree which one year reached the ceiling; the boys could lay underneath it looking up to the star. We learned about water conservation and practiced it.  We learned about native American and Hispanic cultures; learned some Spanish along with different cooking.  We learned how to survive out in the wilderness thanks to 7 years in the Boy scouts, which was a must if you lived in the mountains. We kept cats and never got attached to them.  They had a purpose to keep the rodents etc. down.  They also kept owls around which kept snakes and vermin off property also.  We kept dogs which ran off bears, coyotes, feral cats and other dogs, keeping the property safe for the boys.  The boys learned to play other things other than computer games.  
           Even though we loved the 13 years we lived in New Mexico, and still call it home, I have always described New Mexico as a place that came out of Steven Kings imagination.  It gets seriously hot there.  It is dry heat, and you don't realize how hot it is until you have a third degree sunburn.  You learn to always have sun glasses, sun screen, water, and a hat with you at all times of the year.   AND you learn to identify reptiles, vermin, and all types of insects.  There is a HUGE variety of poisonous insects, and reptiles living in New Mexico.  While most of them are more afraid of you then you are of them it helps to know what they are, what they do, and how to treat yourself, or someone else if there is a poisonous bite. 
           Once we became acclimated to our surroundings we learned that finding a black widow really was not call for putting it into a jar and running to an exterminator  They will just laugh at you and tell you to go home, or try to get you to spend money on extermination that you really don't need.  You want spiders in your home to kill the huge amount of all kinds of ants in New Mexico.  The fire ant hills in Florida are nothing compared to New Mexico's.  Sorry Floridian's.   You get use to looking under furniture before moving any because black widows like to hide under things.  If you find a baby widow chances are their is an adult female with in the area.  Black widows are territorial so you will find only one mature female in an area at a time.  You learn to check shoes before putting them on.  You don't willy nilly rummage through drawers; brown recluse's like to hide in drawers.  Scorpions like to follow shadows so having one follow you stops being freaky and becomes amusing.  Tarantulas will jump out at you while cutting the grass and wolf spiders are near sighted which is why they will attack you. Rattle snakes will, more often than not, slither away from you, and if not you just stand still till they do. 
          Honestly the thing we worried the most about was rodent droppings.  Rodents are all over New Mexico and carry all variety's of deceases including the hanta virus, and plague, which is still in New Mexico, and the four corners area.  So we kept things super clean, sealed food, kept our cats, and didn't get attached to them.  They were allowed to breed at will and at any given time we had at least three cats on our property, at our highest we had 15.  Which we fed and still cared for.  ...they never killed spiders though; they just laid there cleaning themselves watching one run past.
           Any ways now that you have a bit of a back ground lets get to the jars.  Along with everything else we did I started keeping jars for herbs, etc., and for the boys to catch stuff, including the unnaturally huge sized crickets.  They would make a bug juice, put a jar out at night, and in the morning there would be a cricket the size of Joes thumb.  ...ick   For the most part I learned to deal with bugs including most spiders except one.  The tarantula.  They are ugly and bigger than any spider has a right to be.  I get the heeby jeebys just thinking about them. 
          The mountains caused hubby to interact with the boys ALOT.  Which was great for all of them.  So Joe was always looking for things to show the boys and talk with them. 
          Here is one such instance.   It starts from Joes point of view and goes something like this.  One day when he was driving home in his land cruiser, with the top down,  coming through Carnuel (a small little hamlet in the mountains) and saw something on the dashed white line in the middle of the road.  He drove past it but then slowed down when he realized that it was a tarantula.  He turned around, got out his work gloves, dug through the cruiser for something to put it in; coming up with a zip lock bag he got out of the truck, scooped the spider into the baggy, got back into the truck, and drove home.
          Cut to me.  I am down stairs and hear him come home talking with the boys in that tone of voice the suggests that he has discovered something to share with them.  The boys sound a little excited.  So I headed upstairs to see whats going on.  (This is the part about adult supervison that I mentioned in my other blog; you have to periodically put your head in to make sure there is some.)  This is what my first view was 
          The boys are on either side of Joe, all of them have their backs to me.  Joe is trying to put something into one of the very large pickle jars that I kept.  He is shaking the baggie, and what ever is in it wont come out.  The boys, while slightly interested are standing alert, like they are prepared to jump back 50 feet at any given moment.  I evaluate adult supervision is needed.  So I advance towards them slowly, and cautiously.  Having been in situations with them, and bugs, before I assess that this is a bug scenario, and am checking to see if we are dealing with a poisonous kind.  Which I have already decided we are because hubby still has gloves on.  Although he's not super hot on bugs himself, and prefers to use the toe of his boots, a stick, etc. to poke at them instead of one of those persons who just opens his hand letting what ever crawl up on to their palm. 
           Any ways...I say. "what are you guys doing?"  (I secretly am always a little afraid to hear the response here.  Even now when they all get together.  IN fact its kind of a little worse now that they are all men.  They hatch ideas like renovations to my Mustang.  Taking down trees, removing engines, putting huge screen TV's over the pool and not so they can watch TV, but so they can all play call of duty together while sitting in the pool.)  One of the boys says, "dad has a spider."  I think it was our youngest he loved everything dad did.  ;)  I said, "oh yeah?  What kind." 
          Joe moves aside a little just in time for me to see a BIG ASS TARANTULLA drop into the jar.  With out thinking I start screaming," GET IT OUT OF THE HOUSE OUT OF THE HOUSE OUT OF THE HOUSE." and back up with lightening reflexes that even I didn't know I had to the stairs.  The boys suddenly go from interest, and slight caution, to holy fuck why is mom freaking out, and may be we should be listening to her, and not this supposed crazy guy we've been standing next to, and encouraging for the last 20 minutes. 
         Joe quickly puts on the lid, and says calmly, and with slight amusement, cause he knows my huge dislike of spiders, (while I have taught myself to tolerate, and even slightly appreciate smaller ones, HUGE misshapen Steven King like spiders are still completely unacceptable!)  Hun its ok the lid is on the jar.  Take a deep breath."  So I do.  I slowly and ever so cautiously start to move forward.  The boys now deciding that this is one of the rare occasions that dad is the adult supervision and he should be the one they listen too should the spider escape because mom will be no where in sight.  I get about a foot away from the jar and, bend over to look at it, get chills running up and down my spine.  ew...just ew.
         I tell them to punch holes in the lid, because even though I dislike spiders I still believe in the preservation of life.   "What are you going to do with it?"  I ask with my arms folded hugging myself.  Dan says he's going to take it into school on Monday,  today is Friday by the way, so we need to find some place to keep the spider for the weekend...uh yeah.  So I explain, with as much calm, detail, and feeling as I can muster, that I don't want it in the house, and to make sure that the lid is on tight at all times, and about a ten minute lecture about the cons (because in my level headed, sane experience with spiders there are no pros) of keeping such a big ass spider in the house; which makes my husband give me the co parenting look that says, "babe your getting a little crazy and freaking the boys out."  Hubby at this point gently says to me," babe it will be ok Ill make sure its in a safe place and you wont have to think about it at all."
        Which is exactly what I did.  Not think about it.  It didn't take me long to figure out that in life some times its just better to put things out of your head.  Things like certain people, movies, books, secrets, and spiders.  I honestly completely forgot about the spider until Monday morning when I was driving the kids to school.  I was still on my first cup of coffee.  Dan was in the front seat, Ian in the back along with Dan's back pack.  Looking all safe, and warm, and happy and shit... I was making idle chit chat with them.  So what's happening in school today.  Do you have your lunch money?  Etc. etc. when BAM I remember.  "I thought you were taking that spider to your science teacher today?"
" I am." Replies Dan suddenly bringing up his alert face.  "Where is it?  Did you forget it?"  "No its in my back pack."  Uncomfortable silence while I try to stay cool cause Joe isn't around to be the adult and I have to.  "What do you mean its in your backpack?"  A variety of visuals are crossing my mind at this point at the top of which the spider is now as we are talking moving the zipper of Dan's backpack open and preparing to pounce on my youngest sitting there all happy, warm and shit...  "Don't work mom I have it wrapped in two towels and its zipped up tight in my back pack its not getting out."  Nothing was said about the possibility of the jar breaking.   I took a deep breath, drove them to school breathing an even easier deeper sigh of relief when my wonderful, loved, super brave eldest exited the four runner with the spider and blissfully naïve of the danger he was in walked confidently off to his science teacher.  I put the events of the spider behind me.
          Until I went to get them from school.  Only to find out that the science teacher didn't want the spider.  They enjoyed having it for the day but then  he told Dan to take it back home, the sadist.  Dan didn't even bother wrapping the jar up this time he just carried it in his arms completely unprotected...him not the spider.  The spider just laid there looking  all assuming and comfortable...waiting...just waiting. 
          Another couple tense hours ensued.  I made Dan leave the jarred spider on the front deck until his dad got home at which point I made a very strong case for setting the spider free at least a mile from home because I was absolutely sure that it would now find its way back to our home and take its revenge for four days of captivity out on...well me.  Even though I really had nothing to do with it all I was sure that the spider would 1) pick on me cause, like all supposed innocent by standers, I was not so innocent and just stood by while my males kept this spider captive against its will.  AND 2) I was the one most afraid of it and bully's pick on those who they sense the most fear in and I knew that ALL spiders are bullies.  You only need to look closely into all their eyes to see that!  I also ranted for some time, while shedding a tear, that they were never to bring a spider of that size into the house again...I made quite spectacle out of my self which my family will now troll me for to this day. 
          That same evening, (this decision was made because I'm pretty sure that my family couldn't stand another moment with me, and my completely rational fear) they jumped into the cruiser, drove up the hill to the top of the drive way, let the spider loose, drove back down after waiting an appropriate time frame, and told me that they went to the other side of the neighborhood to let it go, and that everything was ok now.  Each of them giving me a loving, consoling, supportive hug.  I believed them until... I was cutting the grass and the same damn spider jumped out at me...no not really, just kidding.   Was a good twist tot he story though huh?!  ;)  I didn't know about how they drove to the top of the drive way until a couple of years later.  :)  My sons enjoyed telling me the truth about how they let the spider go at the top of the drive way.  They felt very close to there dad, they all had a secret from mom, and they trusted their dad with adult supervision more often after that.
Peace out

 

Survival Tips For the First Half of Life

"The first half of life is learning to be an adult—the second half is learning to be a child."
--Pablo Picasso


          I have thought long and hard about the wisdom I am about to disperse.  It is the wisdom that is passed (or should be passed) from one generation to the next and consists of things that you can only learn through experience.  These are things that I have learned in life that I feel everyone should know.  Things, that, in my experience, will save you from much embarrassment, and surprise.  Some of the following were my own personal experiences; some were observed by me.  These are in no specific order of relevance or importance.  I will not go into detail on how I know these things, I will let you use your imagination.  A shout out to all my friends and family who contributed to, and let me share these experiences.  You have made my life worth living.  ;)

1)  Unless you are already a blonde, or have blonde highlights, do not become a blonde.  Do not especially become a platinum blonde.  The removal of color from your hair does awful things not only to those stringy dead cells but to the color of your face.  You will end up having to alter make up, eyebrow color, and sometimes even clothing.

2)  When your husband says you look great it will not always be the truth.  Its ok he is doing it out of love.  Don't condemn him for it.  Just trust your own judgment in the future.  (see #1)

3)  Don't leave your toddlers alone with crayons, markers and, or finger paints. 

4)  Keep track of your kids food.  Don't assume that they have eaten it, and don't assume that they have taken the dishes out of their room when they are done eating.



5)  If you see your kid rolling something around in their hand don't ask what is that.  You will not get a good answer...trust me.

6)  Its ok to leave hubby alone with the kids.  Really.  He wont parent like you but in my experience the kids are rarely injured, and stay alive.  One day or evening of bad diets, inappropriate movies, and irregular schedule wont kill them.  And in the end the kids are usually pretty happy your home again.

7)  If you have boys don't let them keep jars with, or with out, lids in their rooms.  And if the jars are in the house make sure you know where they are and what is in them at all times. 

 

8)   Don't go to bars with single friends. 

9)   Don't let your parents, or in laws, cut your kids hair.

10)  Don't invite anyone in your extended family's on either side to stay longer than three days with you. 

11)   Don't let you kid sister try to make your kids eat their vegetables it will end badly for everyone.

12)  When you take the much needed vacation with out your family get a neck pillow or you will wake up, from your own snoring, drool coming out the side of your mouth, your head on the shoulder of the cute strange guy next to you, and quickly, in a sleepy haze, have to make uncomfortable conversation.



13)  Don't drink alone on a plane...see 12.

14)  Don't wear a skirt when visiting the empire state building.

15) As soon as your kids can open your bedroom door put a lock on it.

16)  Put a lock on the bathroom door too.  But take it off when the kids are teens this will make for endless hours of amusement for you and spouse.

17)  When your in your forty's get a fast car with a loud stereo and don't let your teens drive it...ever.



18)   Don't let your husband do the following.  Carry jars, or plastic baggies, in the car that could be used for holding anything alive.  Go looking for a snake on the side of a mountain.  Use a chain saw with out adult supervision.   Get a four wheel drive vehicle and move to the mountains.  Go sledding with your kids in the mountains.  Go chasing bears with the dog.  Go chasing a moose with the dog.  Use a gun without adult supervision.  Play video games with the kids.  Take the kids grocery shopping, or go alone for that matter, with out a list.  Pick out his own clothes for the first 15 years of your marriage.   ...think that's it there.  OH YEAH!  Play with fire, or fireworks without adult supervision.

19)  When exiting from a tent wearing a halter top make sure it is tied around your neck securely.

20)   Hiding alcohol in medicine bottles doesn't work.  It leaks out easily and ends up all inside your purse which can be smelled by school personal causing them to start randomly opening and searching lockers.

21)   High school ends; so those idiots who made fun of everyone and bullied you or others?  I can most assuredly promise you that in 30 years they will be doing squat with their lives. 

22)   Learning never ends so don't ever stop looking for some thing new to learn, something different.  Go out and travel, move around, meet people, talk to them.  Its suppose to be scary; never really stops being a little scary, but that is the excitement of it all.  :D  The unknown.

23)  Watch Star Trek from the episodes with Kirk to Pickard...the rest suck. And all the movies, even the bad ones. This will help you with #22.



24)  Read   And not just on the computer.  Find a book and read it then keep it.  I predict that with in the next century we will see the demise of books as we know them now.

25)  Keep it simple all that stuff that you think you have to have now will really not be important later on.

26)  Never stop dancing, singing, and laughing as loud as you can.  AND every where you can!  Regardless of what your family says.

27) Do your best always in everything and with everyone so you will have not regrets later.  Even if you have to say sorry cause you made a mistake at least you know you tried.

28)  Never stop calling home.  Someday those people wont be there anymore and you will miss them.

29)  When it is time for your kids to get married don't help them plan it just give them the money.  Make sure there is plenty of alcohol during all planning phases. 

 

30)  Never go to bed angry.  Always say I love you.  Give at a least one hug a day.  And don't give up family dinners even after the kids move out.

31)  Makeup...less is more at any age unless you are a drag queen then more is fabulous!

32)  Pets should get smaller as you get older...you don't want to pick up large poop piles in your fifty's...trust me.   Large dogs are hard to travel with for this reason too.

33)  Your eyes will get bad and you will wear reading glasses start getting use to the idea now.

34)  Your sex drive will diminish but your relationship will be better then ever.

35)  After menopause ( in both men and women) weight is harder to take off that is why we start eating differently.  Once that happens your stomach just starts rejecting everything...along with your bowels.  Learn to like vegetables when you are young it will make this phase easier for you.  I know TMI.  ;)

36)   There is no such thing as age appropriate when it comes to car, clothing, furniture, music ,hobby's, hair styles, accessory's, shoes, and many other things.  Its just whether or not you can carry it off.

37)  Don't watch zombie movies.



38)  While snipes are real birds snipe hunting is not a real.
 
39)  Do not stand on a folding chair while holding a jar of paint.

40)  Don't wear socks with sandals unless you live in Colorado, New Mexico and, or Arizona where this is winter dress code.

41)  Don't watch zombie movies

42)  Don't watch reality tv.  It is not real life.



43)  Don't watch the news.  Go out and read it then make sure and do your research before siding with an opinion.

44)  ALWAYS use your manners.

45) Learn to give wet willy's and wedge's to your spouse.

46)  Drop ceiling are not strong enough for you to crawl on.

47)  Be kind to everyone especially the people who don't deserve it.

48)  Keep a change jar hidden in your room and then fill it.

49)  Never stop riding a bike peddle or Harley.  AND Harley is the only motorcycle to own.

50)  Don't talk dirty to your spouse when he is at work, and if you hear a click while you are talking dirty stop immediately.

51)  Never stop playing board games, but don't play Risk or Monopoly with your spouse.



52)   Always say your sorry and then follow it up with an action that makes the person you are apologizing to show that you mean it.  This does not include make up sex.

53)  Get tattoos through all phase's of your life.  Make them original art work that tells  a story about you and that phase of life.  Never remove your tattoo.

54)  Never stop trying to grow something. 

55)  Learn how to deep breath and/or meditate.



56)  Being alone and being bored are good sometimes.  See #55

57)  It will never really matter what anyone else thinks of you.  Just do the right thing and it will all turn out ok.

58)  Always tell the truth. 

59)  Learn to listen.

60)  Be empathetic, compassionate, kind and respectful to everyone including yourself.

61)  Never stop being in love.



62)  Feel.  Everything.  Sadness, anger, joy, sorrow, fear, bravery, pride, impatience, peace, humor;  all the emotions that make life worth living.  All the experiences you will have in life that will be worth remembering will have the greatest feelings attached to them.  Don't let anyone ever tell you not to feel, even the bad stuff.

Namaste
Peace out



"Perhaps the mission of those who love mankind (humankind) is to make people laugh at the truth, to make truth laugh, because the only truth lies in learning to free ourselves from insane passion for the truth"
--Aristotle

"When we laugh together, there is instantaneous recognition of "sameness" even in the midst of vast differences."
--Rebecca Foster  :-)  

"I have been confronted with many difficulties throughout the course of my life, and my country is going through a critical period. But I laugh often, and my laughter is contagious. When people ask me how I find the strength to laugh now, I reply that I am a professional laugher."
--The Dalai Lama