Sunday, December 23, 2012

Happy Holidays To All!!




Another holiday season is upon us.  I have mentioned, often, that the holidays have, evolved for us here in the Bungart Elder house.   We use to look upon this time of year solely as a christian holiday;  now it is the season of giving.  
This year instead of giving to each other we all decided, elders, children and friends of family, to give to a family less fortunate then us.  None of us are wealthy people; but we know how to live comfortably and happily with in our means.  We all have jobs, homes, spouses, children, health, love and warmth surrounds us all.  We are aware that some dont have this.   We all gave to a single mother of five who's husband has passed away.   My son and I dropped the two boxes of gifts, a large box of food and a 12 pound ham off to the church my husband attends.  The social worker there nearly cried; especially when I told her we all wanted to stay completely anonomous.
I know I know, writing about it perhaps is looking for attention; but I want to use it for a couple of other reasons.  One to stress the importance of what this season is really about.  You know in my and my husbands effort to compromise our choosen spiritualitys during this holiday season we stumbled upon the true meaning of Christmas and I got caught up in the spirit of it too.   While I strive all year round to be kind and giving these feelings are deffinetely in abundance now.   I find myself humming Christmas songs and wish everyone a Happy Holidays while my husband looks at me smiling and says a bit louder MERRY CHRISTMAS!  :)  WOuldn't it be nice if we could have this feeling more than just once a year?  I think I may have to work something up in this area...another blog to follow later.
Two-yes it is important to remember our loved ones during this time.  Kids dont completely understand giving to others before you give to them, so we waited till our kids were all adults to make our giving choice.  BUT now I truley wish that we had done more of this while the kids were younger.   The learning opportunity, the teachable moment, is the feelings you give, and get, when you make total strangers smile and happy.  Empathy is kinda in us at birth, but if someone does not help us develop it that feeling does not mature.   People so often associate empathy with bad feelings; sorrow, anger, frustraion, etc. but empathy is not specific to those particular feelings.  We can also learn how to feel joy, happiness, relief, tears of joy, by doing something absolutely wonderful and unexpected for someone also.   Children learn more when they are praised; isnt giving, and the feelings attached to it, a form of praise children should learn?  I think so.
Three...well, I admit, there is a way to celebrate being Buddhist and Christian all at the same time.   The whole giving, loving kindness, compassionate, thing works.  I think it is important that in the United States that we remember that while we are predominently a Christian nation there are others in the same nation, same state, same city, same neighborhood, same street, mabey even a neighbor, friend or family member who are not christian.  The common demoniator is the season of giving!  No matter what your spirituality almost every religion will give at this time of year.  So how about we give a little more tolerance and understanding towards each other; even if you cant give from your pocket you can give from your heart.
Finally a shout out to my loved ones.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!  To all my family and friends with out which my life, and the world as a whole would be less.  I am a better person for having you all in my life.  :)  This also goes for school chums, teachers etc.  Everyone I know enriches my life some how.  Thank you!  Happy Holidays and keep on giving!  What you give of yourself is the best gift of all!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Sensational Sensationalism

         


          A few months ago we decided to do away with tv.  When I mean tv I mean local braodcasts and cable.  We switched to streaming which enabled us to pick and choose what we wanted to be interested in...therefore eliminateing our chances of being exposed to too much (I will say this frankly) bull shit.   We do not miss the news.  I actually stopped watching the news after 9/11.  I was working in a child care at the time and was not only stunned, but angered, that the care givers turned the news on tv, and on the radios, and let it play continuously, all day, in front of the children.  I went from room to room (being the Curriculum Director at the time) and politely explained to all the care givers why this was inapporpriate, and to please turn it off.  For weeks and months later children were building block towers and crashing planes into them...not kidding, really happened.   Where am I going with this?
          This last week we were confronted with another historic tragedy in America.  The shootings at Sandy Cook Elementary in Newtown Connecticut.   In all tragedys, that include children, the crime suddenly becomes much more real.  Take an adults life and we can all justify it a little easier.   Their time had come; they lived a full life.   It is far harder to say this about children.  
          It is human nature to look for someone, or something, to blame; other than ourselves.   So we naturally turn to the person (or persons) who committed the crime.   But something funny happens...after we start looking for the reasons why anyone would committ such hurt, and sorrow, on an innocent person(s) we start to realize that the answers are not so clear cut.  Well of course theyre not, we're dealing with people.   Even the most qualified, expert on human nature, or society, or psychology, human development; basically anyone very knowledgeable in the human sciences, will tell you that the social sciences are not an exact science.  Ironic isnt it.  No one can ever really know what is going on in another persons mind, heart or soul.  So where do we go from here?
         Well... then we blame the weapon.   We cant control people, but we can control guns.  We cant control planes crashing into the twin towers, but we can control who is getting on them and what is being brought onto the planes.   We cant control the person who makes a bomb, but we can control where he got the information.  We cant control mental illness but we can control the medications....or can we?  uh oh   I guarentee the one common thread that every mass murderer has in common is some kind of mental, and/ or emotional instability.
          Timmothy McVae who killed 168 people including one whole child care filled with children, younger than the ones at Sandy Cook Elementary, was not dealing with a full deck.  Ordinary people do not do what he did.   Ordinary people do not fly planes into sky scrapers and government facilites, and ordinary people do not shoot people in movie theatres, gymnasiums, universitys, colleges, OR elementary schools.
          Why are we seeing more of this?  Is it the news?  Did this really all go on before mass media and now we are just more aware of it?  I have strong opinions regarding the news.   Most news stations are not in the business of news; they are in the business of money.   The more sensational they can make anything so called news sound the more viewers they get; which means more money.   You never hear about any great news reporting coming out of some small remote town; why?  NO MONEY!  Is the news even equal in their broadcasting of happy, great accomplishments from random normal people?  No...there's no money in it.  People won't watch it.   As a whole the norm is not interested in the facts, or even the truth, they want to be entertained.
          When I wanted to find out the facts concerning the shooting I did not watch the news...I went to the internet, and with all due respect to the internet, information, even on computers, does not travel that accurately, that fast, so even my internet research was limited by choice and I have not researched anything for the last 24 hours.   After about a week I will check stuff out, and even then I am not going to go to any well known major news sites.  They will all have the same thing to say for entertainment purposes.  Want the real information?  Search out those people who are accused of being paranoid conspiracy theory freaks.  Yeah I admit some of them are a little off the wall.  But heres the thing.  It takes one bad apple to spoil the bunch.   If you take the time to read through things you are going to find the truth.  If you are wise about our government, and how it runs, it doesnt take a brain surgeon to figure out what is really happening.  Which leads me to the real reason for this blog.
          Perhaps the reason we are seeing more incidences of this is because of the increase of persons taking medications to address so many of their so called issues.  There is a pill for everything these days.   Over 60% of the clients I use to help were depressed, and or suffereing from anxiety.  One 8 year old boy had a dual diagnosis of bi-polar and schizophrenia; this is impossible by the way.  Go look up why a doctor would make this diagnosis on an 8 year old child, what you will find will shock and horrify you.   We take a pill to suppress eating, to encourage our apatite, to sleep, to stay awake, to concentrate, to relax, to make us feel happy, to keep us from feeling too happy.  Basically what the doctors, who are paid by the pharmacuetical companys are doing is teaching us to be very...grey.   Unfeeling, unquestioning, people...sound extreme?  Mabey...but ask your self what was the last pill you took and why and could you have found a different way to deal with what was challanging you?  Then ask why did I take that pill when I am aware of the alternatives?
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db42.htm
http://www.forbes.com/sites/davidmaris/2012/07/24/1-in-3-american-adults-take-prescription-drugs/
          We have become a society of take a pill to make it better, make it easier, make it quicker, make it last longer.    We rush through conversations, we hurry through meals, run to work, race home, watch at least 4 programs on tv with in a two hour period (not remembering what they were really about), engage in very little meaningful activitys that truely make a difference; and then we wonder why we cant sleep, feel depressed and are full of anxiety.  So we take a pill.  Seriously people.  When was the last time you sat quietly, and watched a tree just do what it does?   Or dont you have time for something that was probably here before you, and will most likely still be there after you are not.   Trees bend in high winds....they don't take pills.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-mental-disorders-in-america/index.shtml
          To make things very sad our level of love and compassion towards each other has reached (in my opinion) an all time low.   Many people (In my cozy little facebook corner of the world) have been  posting  their opinions on the recent shootings.  One stood out for me.   It basically said, there were signs, I guarentee it but no one noticed....I agree with this and I weep for us all.
I have stated it before and will continue to do so; the quickest way to make someone feel alone and helpless is to lend no support to them.   I dont think the American public, in general, is aware of how many people out there are in need of something as simple as someone to listen to them, or just a hug.   NOT everyone needs a pill!!!
http://www.traumaregister.co.uk/Articles/Human_Health_Contact.htm
          The pharmacuetical companys do not really care if they are helping anyone!  Their primary concern is to make money!  If this was not true then HOW can they pay pharmacuetical salespeople at least $75,000 a year?   In any profession that is truely people orientated, where love, compassion and doing what is best for human kind is the focus WE ARE ALL POOR AS SHIT!!!  So WTF people!!  Where exactly is your focus these days and your loyaltys?   (Got that out of my system...)  When you take a pill you are making the rich richer.  How about supporting the poor and just care?  So much cheaper, so much more full filling.
http://www.myplan.com/careers/top-ten/highest-paying.php
http://www.myplan.com/careers/top-ten/lowest-paying.php
          When someone succeeds in performing such a devestateing, horrific act I guarentee he, or she, has reached the deepest darkest depths of being human.  We are all capable of this...push anyone too far, to the brink of sanity or survival and you will be surprised at what you are capable of doing.  Ask any abused mother who escaped her abusive husband.   Very few people are born sociopaths, and they are identified pretty early on.  The red flags for this are obvious.  It is very rare that a true sociopath is walking around among us un monitored and if they did fall through the net it is because someone, some where said nothing!  So for anyone to suddenly look upon society as full of evil is...well sad really.   When we dont identify the true facts behind any event we are not progressing as a person, or society.
http://www.gallup.com/poll/150464/americans-believe-crime-worsening.aspx
          Here is something else that is sad.   There was a blurb, some reporter with not enough information shared that the gunman may have had aspergers. !!!!   WHAT!!!   Now suddenly one out of 100 children (which is the supposed number of children with aspergers of varying degree's in the U.S.) are going to suddenly be a threat to every public school in America!  Do you know how many children this is?  You watch...its going to happen.  Uninformed people are suddenly going to be afraid of children with aspergers.  Which by the way is a form of autism.  I have cared for many children with aspergers and NONE of them have ever been a threat to me or others.  geesh...anyways back to my happy place.
http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/mental-health-aspergers-syndrome
          I am Buddhist, so it is no surprise that I feel great compassion for well alot...I am against violence, and hate in all its forms.   Anger has its place when we know how to express it properally.   I am not really for guns, guns promote violence, but they are not the reason for it, people are.   I am also an American, and I do beleive in our right to own a gun, even if I personally do not.   So how does all of this tie together? 
         Suddenly, once again, we have a reason to want to ban guns.   But anyone who should not have a gun will still find a way to have a gun.  The real issue here is not gunowner ship in American.  The real issue is mental health in America and how we choose, or not choose, to deal with it!   In all the cases of mass murder I guarentee someone, somewhere, knew what the person who committed the crime was capable of.  Did they have a flash of, omg this person is truley evil?  I doubt it.   We all get the flash, that warning signal, that makes us wonder and perhaps think, this person is going to do something ahrmful; to himself, or someone else.  But then we shove it aside thinking that no one, especially someone we know, would be capable of doing anything so horrible.  BUT havnt we been shown too many times that it is possible?  But what do we continue to do? 
          We ignore it time and time again. then afterwards, like uninformed chickens with our heads cut off we start accusing everyone!  The Amr Chair Pyschos come out of their homes and prop their chairs right out into  the open and proceed to start misdiagnosing everyone, saying I told you so and the end of the world is coming; there fore devalueing the real issue.  I tell you those pharmacuetical companys have it made.  They not only get to give pills to those who truley need them, but to those who don't and eventually the arm chair pyscho's! 
          So lets end this shall we and get to the Pith of the Matter.   Information is power.  The more we have, the more we know.  The more we know the wiser we become.  The wiser we are the more loving and compassionate we become.  Its true...a time tested theory called Buddhism; but even if you are not Buddhist it still works.   The next time you hear a freind, a family member, an aquaintance, a school mate, a teacher, a neighbor, the cashier at 7-11...anyone say something that throws up a warning signal STOP!  Dont walk away.  Go back and say whats up?  Im concerned about you?  Then say look Im here for you and I will be watching you to make sure you are ok.  THEN DO IT!!  Recruit others to help!  Form a support network.  Show some love, compassion and kindness.  EVEN if the guy is kinda creepy and gives you the heebie jeebies.  Even if the girl is bat crack crazy!  
          So many times people think if they get involved something bad will happen.  Suddenly they will have no time for what they want to do...really...say after me boundaries.  Or they might get hurt, emotionally or worse physically.  Let me share something with you...social worker (pointing at myself) for 20 plus years, still alive, still pursueing personal life, feels full filled, safe, intellegent, worthy and more than that KNOWS has made others feel the same way, which is priceless.  Want the world to change?   Make the first step you, then pay if forward. 
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/8933.php
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/search.php?q=anxiety&p=1
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=anger-management-self-control
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/search.php?q=suicide&p=1

Monday, December 10, 2012

Stumbling Forward


Stumbling Forward





I have been a Social Worker for over fifteen years; before that I worked in Child Development and have education, training and experience working with special needs of all kinds. (Although I will, and have, debated that being deaf is not a special need and instead a language barrier.) I first went to school for Family Studies in Albuquerque New Mexico. Family Studies puts emphasis on the whole child perspective; in short this means that in order for a child to grow up healthy in all areas of development the family of the child must be included. A family’s interaction and involvement with a child’s development makes the greatest difference in how a child grows and perceives the world.

In 2007 I went to work for Children s Home Society (CHS) which contracts through the Department of Children and Families (DCF) and Community Based Care (CBC). The Department of Children and Families is the agency which responds to allegations of abuse against children; they are also the agency which removes a child from the home, and family. Sometimes this is a necessary action to preserve the health and well being of a child; sometimes, however, there are mistakes which cause harm, instead of safety, to the child and family.

In February 2010 the Department of Children and Families received a Settlement Agreement between DCF, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and Office for Civil Rights. The agreement was designed to help bring DCF into compliance with Title II of the Rehabilitation Act (Section 540) in its provision of healthcare and social services to persons who are deaf or hard of hearing. (Department) First a few explanations of different terms and ideas. What is a 504 plan?

A 504 Plan is a plan developed to ensure that a child with a disability, identified under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives accommodations that will provide access to the learning environment. This document assures compliance of Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act and is developed by a team of individuals that may consist of the student with a disability (if appropriate), the student's parent(s), caregiver(s), the student(s) teacher(s), the student counselor, and the 504 co-coordinator. ("AccessSTEM")

The Rehabilitation Act of 1973 was the first major legislative effort to secure an equal playing field for individuals with disabilities. This legislation provides a wide range of services for persons with physical and cognitive disability's. Those disabilities can create significant barriers to full and continued employment, the pursuit of independent living, self determination, and inclusion in American society. ("WebAIM")

Title II is an extension of the section 504 Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Unlike section 504...which only covers programs receiving Federal financial assistance, title II extends to all the activities of State and local governments whether or not they receive Federal funds. ("U.S.")

What does this mean? Well what I know from experience; a 504 ensures that a child, and sometimes the child’s family, will receive accommodations to ensure a child’s, health, well being and success. This idea use to be limited mostly to a child's success in school. Now a 504 ensures success for the child in other areas, especially with in an government agency, such as the Department of Children and Families. A 504 is an agreement, written up by any, and all persons, involved in the accommodations, including, but not limited to, family, the child (age 15 and older), teachers, counselors, social workers, lawyers, etc., that make sure a child, and/or the child’s family, will receive accommodations like, extra time to complete a homework assignment, or a test, wheel chair ramps, a school nurse that ensures medications are taken when, and as, needed, and in the case of the DCF settlement, qualified interpreters and/or auxiliary aids for families who are deaf and/or hard of hearing.

One of the reasons that I took ASL was to learn to communicate with some of the clients I had had while working at CHS. Years ago, while living in New Mexico, I had purchased, on my own, sign language books and taught myself basic signs in order to communicate with the children, and families, in my care. We usually managed by also including writing information down. When I moved to Florida I found the need to know, and learn sign language, greater. The level of frustration that not only the clients I serviced felt, but myself also felt, was great. I had three instances, with three different families, where I would leave homes feeling that their needs were not being adequately met. I would return to the office and speak to the family's case worker from DCF, or CBC, and hit a brick wall. I was told multiple times that there were no interpreters available and that I would have to do my best. I knew, even before I was aware of the settlement agreement, that the system was broke and in need of fixing.

According to Arizona State University’s School of Social Work the definition of Social Work is as follows:

Social Work is a profession dedicated to enhancing human capacity to solve complex social problems in order to create a more humane and just society. One of the cornerstones of social work practice is the focus on the strengths, as opposed to the shortcomings, of individuals, families and communities so that these can be deployed to find creative solutions for complex social problems. The profession is characterized by a steadfast commitment to social justice in the service of empowering individuals, families and communities to meet their needs. (“ASU”)

Recently I was invited to a friends house where I was introduced to her neighbor who was currently working at DCF as a Social Worker. This person found out how much experience I had and proceeded to pick my brain for solutions to some of the issues she was dealing with at DCF. The main issue was finding resources to refer clients to. This person, who I perceived as being passionate at her job had a degree in Accounting. She shared how there is one interpreter which services all of Volusia County, and that there are still very few Social Workers who know, or understand, ASL.

The point here is that, with in my experience working as a Social Worker, Florida has always appeared to be lacking in the definition of Social Work. When I first started working here I initially thought it was the people. Now I believe it is the system in Florida, not the people; it is this system that has a tendency to burn many Social Workers out, leaving persons who are fresh out of school with no experience, or persons, who are not qualified to do the job, to carry the title of Social Worker. Perhaps this reads as sour grapes but the truth of the matter is that this effects the clients. I assume that it was probably an inexperienced, uneducated Social Worker that made the mistake of removing a child from the home of a deaf/ hard of hearing family with out an interpreter. I assume this because persons, whom are my friends, and have been in the Social Work business for some time know better. Which brings me to my next question.

How is the family important to a child’s development? A family is two or more people who are committed to each other and who share intimacy, resources, decision-making responsibilities, and values. (Olson and DeFrain ) So based on this definition if a child is taken from a family does this imply that some, or all of these skills may not be learned by the child? A child knows one family, and unless the child is very young, and able to establish new memory’s, and/ or new connections with another family, then what will the perceptions of the world be for this child? There are many children with in the Foster Care System that never learn the skills a for mentioned that are taught by a family. There are many children who's development, either physically, and/ or cognitively is not where it is suppose to be due to the lack of family. Which leads me to another question; what is the impact of Social Work and the Social Worker upon families and child development?

Social Workers number one priority is to ensure the safety of a human being; most of the time this means children, but it also means persons with special needs (of all ages), elderly people, and other persons in a variety of different circumstances. Knowledge of child development (and perhaps human development in general) is essential for everyone coming in contact with children on a regular bases; including parents, teachers, law officers, school counselors, principles, etc. etc..

Understanding child development is an important step towards being clear about what constitutes a child’s safety and well being and promoting and preserving well being. In Social Work a good working knowledge of child development is a crucial component in family’s support and child protection and in assessing and planning interventions. Can someone with a degree in accounting understand this? More importantly, does a person with no understanding of child development give an agency, like DCF, an excuse for not addressing the needs of a family and/ or child? In the case of the Settlement Agreement a hearing child’s rights were violated because the child was removed from deaf parents. During services the needs of the child were not addressed because adequate communication was not provided. Ultimately not only were there injustices done to the family and child, but also to the Social Work field, and Social Workers, who take there job seriously.

Another aspect to consider is this; is a child's healthy development in jeopardy because;

  1. The family is deaf and unable to meet the needs of the child? (doubtful)
  2. The child is deaf and the family is not meeting the needs of the child? (possible, it does happen)
  3. There are other issues that need to be addressed along with, or separate from, being deaf, or hard of hearing? or
  4. The Social Worker investigating the deaf/ hard of hearing family is having difficulty communicating with said family, and due to lack of experience, and/ or education assumes it is the same for the family?

With out an interpreter it is hard to determine. Another thought, if questions one, or two, are the case is it beneficial to take the child out of the home? Or is it better to address the issues to ensure healthy development of the child? Which takes us back to the whole child perspective of child development.

The whole child perspective takes in to account not only the family, but the child's environment(s), and everyone who comes into contact with the child and the child's environment. To provide effective care and guidance for young children, it is essential that parents, caregivers, and teachers understand the principal concepts of child development...(Allen and Marotz ) When a Social Worker enters a home to evaluate and help a family certain developmental needs are observed; either the child is getting them, or they aren’t. The basic needs for not removing a child from the home are healthy nutritious food in the home, a safe clean environment, warm adequate clothing, a place to sleep, affection, security; but there are other needs also, give and take interactions, acceptance, opportunity’s to learn, healthy interactions with adults and peers, and absence of signs of abuse. These all can be provided in a variety of different ways determined by culture, religion, and special needs.

The Social Worker entering the child's world becomes an important part of the child's world and another role model. So what happens if the Social Worker removes the child from his/ her environment, and family, because of communication issues? Is the message being sent to the child that of,”I have no patience, or tolerance, for what ever communication is, or is not, taking place here?” What message does that send to a child? Differences are to be celebrated in America aren’t they? (Sometimes I weep for the Social Work field.)

Deafness is viewed in different ways by different individuals and groups. Many hearing people consider deafness a disability, a pathological condition. To many Deaf people, deafness is one aspect binding a minority group together, a minority group rich in culture, history, language, and the arts. For many deaf people, being Deaf of Deaf (CODA) is a source of considerable pride. Although clearly a minority within a minority, life can be substantially easier for these individuals. They learn sign language as their native language, which they develop naturally just as hearing babies develop oral language. For these individuals, their deafness is a language difference, not a disability. Most of these individuals consider themselves part of the Deaf community and are active in its activities and clubs, attend Deaf theater, travel in groups, use ASL as their language, and believe that it is important to learn about their culture. (Smith )



In the end DCF has posted on their website all the positive changes that are taking place to their organization and I am optimistic. They are making an effort to be accountable. (http://www.myflfamilies.com/) Hopefully DCF and other organizations working with the deaf and hard of hearing will be able to set an example that spills outside of their organizations.

A quote from and unknown author reads,”Even if you stumble, you're still moving forward.” While the mistakes made with in DCF were heart rending, when we understand the possible effects it could have had upon the child and his/her family, mistakes are their for us to learn from. I believe that the universe has a way of making us do what we are suppose to do. With that said perhaps the Settlement, and everything surrounding it, happened exactly when and how it was meant to be. In the end shouldn't we be glad that it happened! Social Work is an imperfect social science because it deals in human nature. Like anything human there is good and bad, one with out the other would not promote learning. I have always believed, and will always continue to believe that anything that promotes a child being, and feeling whole, no matter how we stumble our way into it, is good.

























Citation Page




Allen, Eileen K., and Lynn R. Marotz. By the Ages: Behavior and Development of Children Pre-Birth through Eight. Canada: Delmar Thomson Learning, 2000. Print.




Olson, David H., and John DeFrain. Marriage and the Family; Diversity and Strengths. 3rd ed. Mountain View, CA.: Mayfield Publishing Company, 2000. Print.




Smith, Deborah Deutsch. Special Education: Teaching in an Age of Challange. 3rd ed. Needham Heights, MA: Viacom, 1998. Print.




"United States Laws; Overview of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (Sections 504 and 508)." WebAIM. Utah State University. Web. 10 Dec 2012.




. "U.S. Department of Justice Civil Rights Division Disability Rights Section." http://www.ada.gov/t2hlt95.htm. U.S. Department of Justice, 29 2002. Web. 10 Dec 2012.




"What is a 504 Plan?." AccessSTEM. DO-IT University of Washington, 30 2011. Web. 10 Dec 2012.




"What is Social Work." ASU School of Social Work Arizona State University. social.work@asu.edu. Arizona State University. Web. 10 Dec 2012.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Infinite Affinity

Tranquility is not with those who insist their lives have been destroyed by others.  Those who know tranquility take resonsibility for thier own lives. -unknown
 

Holidays are so different here. We don’t dress up, we don’t all gather around the table together and saying grace while holding each others hands. We don’t all argue with each other because we dislike and judge each others life styles. Well...sometimes we will express concerns over how unhappy someone may appear to be; expressing concern is much different that telling someone their life sucks and if they don’t change it they are wrong. Ultimately Joe and I truly do feel confident that all of us will find the path we are suppose to be on eventually and be content; if not exactly happy all the time. What more can we ask for? With that said their was a reoccurring theme over Thankful for family day. (Because in this house we don’t celebrate a day where a culture was attacked and forced off their land; followed by a day called black Friday...sheesh...really fellow Americans? I feel embarrassed sometimes...) Anywhoooo....

Thankful for family day began as usual...we ate, and when we were done digesting we ate some more...after that...well desert...followed by eating, then lets not forget the yearly tradition of eating. While this eating extravaganza goes on we talk, and share, and catch up with each other. The more we eat, and feel full, and contented, the more intimate the conversations become (and the more we loosen our belt buckles). In this whole process of eating, listening, and sharing with everyone I noticed that everyone was basically talking about one thing... attachments. Interesting...and as usual I will explain, but be patient while my brain runs its course.

Joe and I are fairly easy going people. We make opinions on, or criticize, others lifestyle choices extremely little. We try to word everything as a teaching experience; advice is what it is we are not hurt if you don’t take it. Yeah I know we throw comments out everyone in while; but if you come here doing nothing but complaining about the way your life is, and you appear to be unhappy about it, and seem to be struggling, then one of us will probably say something. We are caring people, and also try to be respectfully honest. Joe will just blurt stuff out (respectfully)....I will ask if you want to hear what I think first (usually). I have been thinking though...so many of our problems in life boil down to one thing. The idea of attachment and if everyone understood this idea fully then so many of our feelings attached to things we think we need (or are attached to) would diminish and even go away in some instances. So instead of lecturing on a topic that everyone may not want to listen to I will write about it.

Attachment is a feeling that binds us to a person, thing, or cause. Feelings, for the sake of this discussion, are sensitive, sentient (having the power of perception by the senses and conscious), readily affected by emotion, sympathetic. Emotions are joy, sorrow, fear, hate, love, etc. anything that causes a reaction. There is a difference between reacting and responding. Reaction is defined as a reverse movement, or tendency; an action in a reverse direction or manner; so basically something that is not normal behavior for us. To respond to something means to react favorably with words or action. I have wrote before about feelings. They were given to us as a precursor to examine areas of our life; NOT to determine how to react to it, but how to respond to it. An example.

I will use myself instead of picking on someone. :P I am numerically challenged, this is my way of saying that not only do I suck at math but I don’t like it. I enter math classes with stress, sometimes anxiety, and these feelings will temporarily get in the way of my learning. I start off reacting to how I am feeling. My process with many challenges in my life is to ride the feelings for a bit, then I get tired of feeling crappy; I slow down, I meditate, sometimes I blog, I talk to loved ones whom I trust, then I get my head on straight and respond.

I look at my feelings, which are trying to teach me something, and figure out where exactly they are coming from, and/or are directed. If they are directed at something that is easy...do I need to have that something in my life? Well in the case of math...yes (dammit). So what is it about math (or the thing)? Well that is never a simple question to answer is it? I am a social worker, and in my already extensive experience in this field I can honestly say that I do not need to use much math; but I do need it for that degree. Do I need the degree? Yes, I have made a conscious choice to pursue helping others and I cannot go any further in my life with out having that piece of paper. The paper is definitely an attachment, an unfortunate one for others. They need to see this material thing to have some kind of understanding and trust that I know what I know. I feel compassion for this perception by others because I feel confident in what I know (unless it is math). And there it is....a lack of confidence in my math ability. So what I do is study more, get tutoring and help and take the class over. I do not feel a failure, math is definitely not a strength for me. Yes there is a part of my over achieving other self that I have to keep in check, that person who’s voice I hear way down deep that struggles to get out and try to make me feel bad about a failure...then I remember that that is the voice of abuse, defeat, fear, victimization, addiction and attachment.

In Buddhism attachment is an interesting and important concept; but it is one that, even if you do not subscribe to Buddhism, you can take with you and use to improve your life.

http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/attachment.htm A website that explains it fully. But in a nutshell here is the basic idea. We are humans, and it is human nature to want things. Things help us feel safe, feel secure, feel happy, feel needed, feel important, feel wealthy, feel cool...you get the idea. Things, however, also have an opposite effect; the more things we need to help us feel all the a for mentioned, the more unhappy we become. More is just more....it is just greater quantity, a greater amount, a greater measure, degree, or number.

Buddhism sometimes gets a lot of criticism from persons who don’t fully understand it. A couple of concepts that get a bad rap are the concepts of selflessness and detachment. Selflessness does not mean that we are selfish, it means the opposite, we are completely unselfish; and detachment doesn’t mean that we don’t care about any body, or anything, it means that we detach from things that really are not important in life. So being attached means that we basically have formed a kind of addiction to something. On a grand scale it most certainly is applied to alcoholism, drug addictions, abuse etc. But it also applies to unhealthy life choices like the things we eat and drink (mine is caffeine), the words we use with each other including gossiping, rumors, etc., computer gaming, relationships that we know are not good for us (or the person we are in a relationship with); anything that makes us feel bad, and I mean bad like in the way that this thing, or person, is interfering with good choices, healthy relationships, and a healthy lifestyle. The next misconception about this idea is that the standards of being detached, or living healthy, are so great that they are unattainable...only Buddhist monks who live in a monetary, or in seclusion, can truly attain this enlightenment,and obtain this nirvana. BLEH (wiping puter screen)

In Buddhism every little bit matters, hence the idea of Karma. If you don’t try at all, or decide it is not worth trying, that is bad Karma, and trust me what goes around does come around. All my sons may complain about life, but they are not vindictive vengeful people...they believe in the idea of Karma even though they are not Buddhist. Bad things do happen to bad people...just wait, the universe has a way of setting things right and you don’t really need to push it along any faster. If not in this life, then the next; but it happens.

Even if you don’t believe in reincarnation, however, Karma is very profound. It says that for every action there is a reaction...hmmmm see where I am going with this yet? This statement is basically saying that you have a choice...act or react. It doesn’t mean react with out thinking...it means slow down, think, that reaction that you choose also had an action that you didn’t choose. AND if you choose the action, the response! GOOD KARMA!! You feel better, others around you feel better. The universe is better...Karma. So how does this apply to attachments?

Well lets think about this. You are attached to computer gaming to the point that everything in your life revolves around your gaming...your life suffers, your family suffers, your friendships suffer, your wisdom suffers. Suffering in Buddhism is fore front in understanding enlightenment, love, compassion, kindness towards others at all times. It is the Four Noble Truths. If you are not eradicating suffering where ever, and when ever you can...bad Karma. Karma is yours, you own it and it cannot be blamed on anyone else, we are not also responsible for others Karma.

You are in a bad relationship, it makes both of you unhappy. Are you truly doing everything in your power to make it better, and if you have then why are you still there? Staying in a bad relationship actually causes bad Karma. Isn’t it better for both of you to accept the suffering and detach? Move on to something with better Karma?

Why does the concept of failure have such a negative attachment to it? What if...just what if...the feeling s attached to failure were trying to tell us that this particular thing that we have been attached to, trying hard to make work and never quite getting that hang of it, is not for us and we should find what is good for us? Is that beinf selfish or selfless? What if our attachment to making this particular thing work for us, amidst constant struggle and suffering, is keeping someone else from entering it and making it their success? Does this mean that technically we are causing someone, who we may not even know, suffering? ...Karma. Get it?

The Pith of the Matter? What is really important in life? A few years ago my husband and I had a life changing discussion. He had lost his job of 15 years. I needed to go back to work to help out and I didn't want to do just anything. Our sons all were in a place where they still were needing guidance. Too many things were getting in the way...and I mean things. My husband and I found ourselves asking stupid questions like how do we keep all this STUFF...the house, the stuff in it, eating out, spending money on things we really didn’t need. (Cable, internet, monthly puter gaming subscriptions, Slurpee's, junk food every night, my 24th pair of shoes...) It was really a place that we both did not like...and then we realized something.

In order to be, and feel, successful we needed to like ourselves first. All the stuff we were attached to was causing us to suffer. We didn't really need any of it! And more so...we realized we didn't want it. What we really needed, and wanted, was our marriage, our family, our friends, and the basic survival necessity’s...everything else was icing. So we defined what we really needed to be happy. Yeah money is nice...it pays for food, a roof over our head, transportation, clothes, and other necessity’s needed for survival in today’s world; but how much of that did we need?

A long story short...we slowed down, we stopped worrying, we realized that for all our suffering we were still pretty fortunate. We gave, and gave and gave, even though we wanted. For every action there is a reaction. Our actions caused others to take action. Our friendships became more authentic, our family became more real, our lifestyle became more contented and low and behold we were able to attain what really made us happy. Yes...we still have things. I like my coffee and ice. Joe likes his bottle of Coke and nicotine, we like our puters, and music, and books, and eating out sometimes. But when we have to go with out any of it (or all of it) it is no longer a failure; it is an opportunity.

This Holiday Season we have adopted a family, a single mother with five kids. Everything that we would give to others is going to them, and everything that others would have given to us is going to them. I can honestly say that the joy I feel at this Holiday Season is unlike any other I have ever felt and isn’t that what it is really suppose to be? Love, compassion, kindness to other always is not just words...it is a lifestyle. It is cause and effect. It is Karma. It is detaching, and selflessness.

My lesson here? I think so much suffering would be relieved if we all just stopped and listened...listened to our selves, listened to others, listened to what is going on around us. For every reaction there is an action. Think about it....what do you really need? And what in life do you truly need to attach to? How do you want to deal with your life? Will you respond or react? Find those answers and you will find an infinite affinity to contentment.

Peace out.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

What I Am Really Learning: Thank you to all my awesome friends who get it!

         


           Time to write on a topic that is going to be emotionally charged for many of us I think.  Before I get started on it let me give you some back ground info.   I am in school, still.   This semester I have the last of my english's which happens to be a literature class.   I took African American literature.  Of course I dont mind that you ask why...my sons asked the same thing.   I love to read and write,  I have already had Shakespeare, american authors, etc. etc.    I wanted something that I had never had before.   I knew it wouldnt be easy.  I knew that I would be a minority, no biggy, its not the first time.  (For the record caucasions actually are world wide the minority. But while I bring up that word I have to tell you my truth; Im pretty tired of the whole minority, majority stuff, how bout we are all just humans?)  Anyways I divert.   Here is my issue, which kinda relates to the previous statement.  WHY oh why cant we all just get over this whole being different is a bad thing?  Why cant we just celebrate differences? 
          Here is the crazy thing that I have noticed alot of lately.  (What is the deffinition of crazy again?)  Every culture, every race, every religion and every disability criticizes each other for not being like them!  (Which is really the code for why donest anyone understand me.) And many will blame the problems of their race, culture, religion, etc. on one another.   Sigh...its all too exhausting and sordid drama to me.   You know what I have learned form it all this semester?  That there are alot of angry people out there.
          I sit in class many wednesday nights listening to my teacher and classmates.   I have blogged before on my delemma of speaking up.   It is so hard to listen objectively with out judgement.   It is even harder to reply with out sounding judgemental.   Then something occured to me.  Others really dont have to agree with my perspective, but does that mean I dont have the right to speak up?  And really who cares if they understand what I say.  What is important is that it is said, the idea once again of stating the truth (as I see it) then backing away from it calmly and respectfully.
          So back to weds. nights;  I sit and listen in class and one word keeps on popping out at me,"they".  They this and they that...who is they?   Shouldnt it be defined before anyone takes it as they are part of "they?"  I pointed this out and was quickly told that I was taking it too personally.  Well duh!   I pointed out that; one- we should be able to discuss these kinds of issues with out anyone taking anything personally and; two- in order for this to work mabey we should pay attention to the words we use.  So my teacher said that when he says they he is inferring to a portion of the caucasion population who consider themselves to be white supremicists.  Well ok...I deffenitely dont fall into that catagory.  But this brought up something else for me.  
          How often do any of us lump, inadvertently, people, ideas, etc. into one generic classification? (By misusing a word like they for instance.)   Even thinking that we all think that way is a generalization isnt it?   In another blog I stated that this semester I have suddenly been thrusted into areas of discrimination that I knew were there but never took the time to think about.   Heres what I think none of my instructors bargained for however.  By spending so much time pointing out all the other people who are not sensitive, and or aware, of certain differences, and all the reasons for it, arnt they also guilty of discrimination to a certain extenet?  (or mabey it is just the way that it is being presented?)  Yes I admit, because I have seen it and dealt with it first hand, that many people out their are ignorant.  But lets look at the word ignorant for a second.  
          To be ingnorant means that someone is lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned in a particular subject or fact, having a lack of training.   So...when we discriminate against others for being ignoarnt what are we really discrimnateing against?  A lack of education?  Being sheltered from someone elses lifestyle?   :P tphhhhhh   (Using the rag that I keep handy to wipe off my monitor for just such occasions as this one.)
          So heres the next step.   I understand that there are some people out there who genuinally feel that they have had no choice in the lack of education they have recieved due to being sheltered and or secluded.   I have seen the data out there and have talked to enough people in those situations to believe that this scenario is possible.  I also beleive that there are people who purposefully keep others (still in this day and age) from learning and having information. (Shit, drug companys do this as part of their general professional practices.)  Why does this happen you ask? 
          Well ask yourself, how could anyone benefit from someone else not having information?  Even we small little people who go about our daily lives with hold information almost daily.  We tell lies to our kids, our spouse, our friends, our employer...the list is endless.   Always this is done under the need to know basis.   They dont need to know so why tell them.  Its my business, not theirs, they don't need to know what goes on in my personal life.  But who are we to decide what someone else needs to know?  That is for them to decide isnt it?  And more importantly, there is a huge difference between not sharing personal information and not sharing information conercening cultural history, geography, etc.  (basically educational information)  Once again we have come to the laying truth at someone elses feet and backing away from it.
          Confused yet?  Stick with me a while longer.   With all that just said I have come under critism because of something I think and believe in.  Well a few things actually.  One- yes we can blame others initially for not having information, but once we have it who do we blame?  The information is always out there and available to us.  ALWAYS!   We can find almost anything we want under the freedom of information act, try it sometime, Google something that you never thought youde be able to get information on, because it is such an emtionally or politically charged subject.   You will find stuff (all kinds of stuff)...all you have to due it sort through what is fact and what is fiction. 
          Second- Once you have that information what do you choose to do with it?  Many people get angry.  Why didnt I know about this before?  How can the system with hold this from me?  How can anyone not have taught this to me.  BLame BLame BLame...BLeh.  When i share my views on blame I have been told that I dont understand.  That I havnt been where they were, or are.   I dont know how they feel.   sigh...so many excuses for keeping us seperated.  Which brings me back to the beginning.  (See how it is a vicious circle...i get it...i understand.)   Shit happens, get on with it.  Learn, and change.  Take what you have had, and what you have, and make the world a better place.  Be a great role model for others so that they dont repeat the cycle.  
          Why is it if anyone speaks as I do there will immediateley be at least one other person who suddenly jumps up and says,"SEE it is that kind of attitude that is holding us down."  Really?  Cause I think it is that victim attidute that holds us down.  And I do mean us, because all it takes is one person to make a difference, all you have to do is decide if the difference you want to make is positive.
          I pride myself on being well informed.   But let me share this with you, and this is something that I don't need to.  I grew up in between 8 and 9 mile roads in Detroit.  Not a great neighbor hood even back then.   I was abused growing up in all its forms.   I struggled through school, never successfully completeling college.  BUT I never stopped reading.  I knew there were librarys out their that are available to everyone.   From the time my kids were little librarys had computers in them that could be used to search a variety of topics.   I didnt just watch crap on tv.  AND even more importantly if it didn't sound quite right I set about finding out why.  Some people who grow up under difficult challanging circumstances CHOOSE not to let others or the system win!!  If I had listened to anyone in my family, or even some of my teachers, I would NEVER have come to where I am now.  (Which is a place I like by the way.)
           It is for these reasons (and the Pith of the Matter by the way) that I will always stay optimistic about human nature.  I am proof that not everyone ends up hating and being angry.  I am proof that not everyone thinks that they dont have a choice.  If you blame my circumstances, or my ability to adapt, and over come, on the color of my skin HOW does that make you any different then the people who you feel are keeping you down?  Or as I like to look at it as enabling YOU to fail?   Failure is not an option.   We all have the abiltiy to know right from wrong.  We all have the ability to teach ourselves the self confidence needed to over come.  Notice the word is SELF confidence not someone elses confidence.
          I  fight for what I think is right, daily.  I speak it, write it and live it.  I will never advocate victimization in any shape or form.  I will never support racism, or discrimination, against anyone for any reason.   I will not support supremacy in any form.  I truley beleive in the idea of equality.  Does this mean that we are all the same?  Of course not.  It means that we all recognize that we are different and it is ok!  I beleive that is possible, and I know many others who feel the same way.  So say what you will to me.  Throw it my way, put me to the test.   I stand firm in my beliefs.  Love and compassion towards all always.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Women In Christianity


(Just a little intro to this one.  This is a paper I wrote for World Religion.   I am, for anyone who is not already aware, Buddhist.  I have to let everyone know however how absolutely wonderful it is to meet others who are truley passionate about their beliefs, but still respect others for theirs.  Thank you to everyone for helping with this paper, I will let you know about the grade later on.  :)  Enjoy!)
 
 
When I was preparing to write my second paper for World Religion I knew I wanted to focus on Christianity. The one aspect of Christianity that interested me were the smaller churches, or mission's. The people involved in these Christian faiths purposefully speak of Christ, God, and the Bible, in small venues of all kinds; they speak to persons who seem to believe in God, and Jesus, but do not agree with the idea of organized religion in a large church setting. I started talking to these missionaries, mostly women purely by chance, and found that these Christians subscribe to a variety of different faiths and ideas. Some were born again Christians, some were evangelical in nature, some considered themselves to be Baptist, or Presbyterian; some are Catholic. I sat back and gathered my thoughts, information and ideas. There were a few things that all these people, whom I had observed and spoke with, had in common. One: they were all women, two: they were frustrated with the woman’s role, in the primary faith they subscribed and, three: they believe that everyone should have a connection with God and Christ.

At the present moment, no major Christian denomination has more than a few women in top authority positions...what will happen to Christianity when women do succeed in changing traditions so that they are treated as the equals of men...representatives of Christianity mirror the image of God by calling to mind the male figure of Jesus Christ; and Christianity...can Christianity only afford to have men in that role. (Goldenberg)

My observation focused on two women. One, whom I will call Ruth, left her church after being told that she could no longer preach. Because she is a woman she was unable to engage in sharing the word of God with out having been formally educated. Some religious education was available to her, but she would still not be able to perform certain clerical duties because she is a woman. At that time she was holding woman’s group through the church; when she left the church many women still attended the group; she now holds these out of her home. These groups are held monthly, sometimes more often. Women, of all ages and from a variety of different churches, and faiths, all christian, come and share their thoughts, lives, and ideas of faith. They hear of her through friends, relatives and surprisingly, local church's will recommend her.

Christianity has provided a place for woman for which she is fitted, and in which she shines; but take her out of that place, and her luster pales and sheds a feeble and sickly ray. Or, to change the metaphor, woman is a plant, which in its own greenhouse seclusion will put forth all its brilliant colors and all its sweet perfume; but remove it from the protection of its own floral home into the common garden and open field, where hardier flowers will grow and thrive, its beauty fades and its odor is diminished. Neither reason nor Christianity invites woman to the professor’s chair, nor conducts her to the bar, nor makes her welcome to the pulpit, nor admits her to the place of ordinary magistracy. (Coon)

The second woman I observed and spoke with travels with her husband around the world, but I met her at Biketober. This couple sets up ministry’s all over the United States, and the world, sharing the word of God and Christ. The first woman no longer participates in the idea of a large church/organized religion, but has also participated in setting up small ministry's all over. The second woman attends a large church, when she is home, as part of her individual faith, but openly admitted that she is frustrated that the idea of organized religion seems to exclude a certain percentage of the population, especially women; Ruth being a perfect example of this.

...scholars of religion say that Christianity can survive the very basic changes that will have to be made when religions adapt to nonsexist culture. Theoretically then, Christianity could exist without Christ...as long as Christians thought of these departures from tradition as being in basic harmony with their faiths. Texts could be altered, female imagery could be added to the concept of God, new rituals and doctrines could be invented without bringing about the end of the faiths. Scholars who believe this is possible point out that Western religions have survived changes over the past centuries and can be expected to survive many more in years to come. (Goldenberg)

My journey begins with woman number one whom I will call Ruth. Ruth is married, with adult children, one of which is married and about to have a child. Her husband is also very active and shares in her perspective of being Christian. Ruth lives in Florida now, but has lived else where in the United States also. She is approximately 50 years old, a very educated, progressive woman, and in my observation tends to be nurturing and open minded. She has taught, nursed, managed, run youth groups, women groups, preached, and sets up small ministry’s in a variety of places giving the opportunity for others to gain happiness, contentment, and strength from God, Jesus and the word of God. She shared that of everything that she has done doing what she does now has given her the most satisfaction. They are not wealthy, but they live comfortably and appreciate what they have; never hesitating to share and help others. I was invited to one of the woman’s group that she leads once a month.

When I arrived I was immediately greeted warmly by everyone. There was on this day six women total, including myself. It was shared with me later that the groups have been as large as 20; attendance fluctuates. These women were of different christian faiths. All shared that they were their because, while they were loyal to their denomination, they felt that women, as a whole, were not identified as an important part of their church. A couple women shared that they attend their church now more out of habit then anything else. They all felt that they were expected to show up, dress nicely, and give the impression of the perfect female christian role model. Keeping the family together, being a good dedicated wife, serving refreshments, helping out with raffles, teaching Sunday school, etc. All these women wanted something more from their faith. They wanted a female community, people whom they related to and whom they could depend upon during times of difficulty. They wanted to be recognized as valuable members of their religious community who had intelligence and wisdom in their faith. Attending this group gave them this strength and confidence.

The matter of women serving the Lord has never been in question: Jesus Himself encouraged the participation of women in support of His ministry and that of His disciples. Likewise, churches of the past several centuries have depended upon women to provide a wide array of organizational and prayer support, to teach the Bible to their children (and in many cases female adults as well) to support domestic and foreign missions, and to serve directly as missionaries. However, historically, woman’s roles have been largely confined to those of supportive and not authoritative responsibilities. (Rogers)

The topic on this day was baggage. How everyone carry’s baggage with them and how it is important to set it aside from time to time. This was integrated into certain passages with in the Bible that pointed out not only that this was the right thing to do, but how it was necessary to lead a healthy full life. It also encouraged how, when during times of carrying around a great deal of baggage, God could pick some of it up for them.

Ruth led by reading a personal experience, and using props (suitcases) to reinforce her lesson. Turns were taken reading excerpts from the Bible and some of the women shared personal experiences and how this lesson spoke to them. There was something different in this setting compared to a Christian church setting. Focus was put on the women specifically. If a man was mentioned it was in context of how they were either being supportive of them (the females) or not being supportive of females. God was not a man, he/she was more of a concept and idea that everyone could relate to equally.

The Pauline literature and Acts still allow us to recognize that women were among the most prominent missionaries and leaders in the early Christian movement. They were apostles and ministers like Paul, and some were his co- workers. They were teachers, preachers and competitors in the race for the gospel. They founded house churches and, as prominent patrons, used their influence for other missionaries and Christians. (Kung)

The lesson took place in Ruth’s home in the kitchen. The setting was personal and comfortable. Everyone was there for approximately two hours. Then everyone left and went about their day, but not before discussing the next day and time to meet. Afterward I spent some time talking with Ruth. She shared that all of these women also had, or were having to deal with, some struggle. They had lost a loved one, or were recovering from addictions of some kind, they were alone, and/ or were dealing with physical challenges. They all basically had experienced some kind of life event that was causing them to change their perspective and seek out strength and support. The church they were attending, or not attending any longer, did not address any of their issues. Many of them felt that the church predominantly held a male perspective in nature and therefore addressed issues in the context of how a man would deal with them. This was not helpful to them.

Ruth also shared that many of the young adults and adolescents that she had worked with felt that the church also did not address the needs of the young person. Young people found the church to be hypocritical in nature, hypocrisy being a normal stage in development; the church was unsatisfactory in addressing their questions.

These young people still wanted to find strength and guidance in an adult of faith who admitted, honestly, to them that the church could be hypocritical; but their was still value in having faith in their lives. Ruth shared a story of a time when she was involved in a youth group; one of the questions posed to the youths was what is your favorite appliance in the house. Ruth said many of the kids said things like the spice rack. She was shocked however when the Pastor said that his favorite appliance was his wife. Ruth addressed this issue with the Pastor but basically was told that she was over reacting. In short, what all the people Ruth has come in contact is have in common, or are seeking, is emphasis on the relationship between them and God, not them and the church.

Those favoring more responsible and visible ecclesiastical roles for women generally assert that women are capable of both commitment and ministerial performance equal to that of men, given proper endorsement and an equitable amount of support. They point out that women are not biologically, emotionally, nor intellectually inferior. To the contrary, they observe that women are in fact physiologically, but not usually physically, stronger than men...Emotionally and intellectually, women are at least equal to men, as evidence by numerous studies over the years. Likewise, their administrative and organizational abilities have been demonstrated by such national heads of state as Golda Meir, former prime minister of Israel, and Margaret Thatcher who served as prime minister of Great Britain. (Rogers)

The second woman I spoke with whom I will refer to as Sarah comes every year to every bike event in Daytona. She and her husband set up a small tent, with some tables, that hold a variety of religious Christian reading materials in the same location, at the Hang Dawg Saloon on US1, so that regulars may find them. They speak to whom ever wants to listen, and converse, concerning God, and Christ, and the importance of having them both in your life. They also hold small intimate morning services for any whom are interested. I was originally going to speak with her husband, but while waiting for him to return I started speaking with her instead and found her to be not only very interesting and intelligent, but very passionate about what she does and believes.

Sarah is also approximately 50 years old; she and her husband met in New Orleans while they were both involved in different areas of their faith. To make a long beautiful story short, they met, worked together, found they had a lot in common, fell in love and married. They have since traveled all over the world for reasons all to do with their faith. They worked in New Orleans after Katrina for four months, have been to South America, and Africa, to name just a few.

Sarah shared that while she does still attend a very large church back home she recognizes, and understands, that there is a very large section of the population who does not like attending church. Many people, she shared, find the idea of dressing up, and participating in the church community not only intimidating, but judgmental. Many persons attending church have the relationship to the church, and not God. In her experience those who do not attend church put more emphasis on their relationship with God, or they want to. She and her husband help people find that relationship.

Most important of all, however, from the beginning Christianity was not just a movement made up of men; its history also includes the women who followed Jesus. Jesus' practice of calling women, too, to follow him was unconventional and undermined the existing patriarchal structure. (Kung)

This husband and wife team have ministered to all kinds of people. Sarah gave an example of hard core old school bikers, who if you are not cautious, have no problem pulling a gun out and shooting you. She also ministers to addicts, abused women, and all kinds of people who are lost. She admits openly that her past has been less then perfect, but she feels that it is her past which makes her, and her husbands ministry, so worthy and popular. It is easier to relate to someone who has been where you have been. It is also these early life challenges that makes her spirituality more passionate for her; that passion is easily translated to real life and easily observed by anyone who meets her.

Sarah shared that her role in the church she attends at home is not as active. I sensed, with out her sharing, that perhaps this is why she still attends church, so that she can be in a social situation with others of her faith, but take a break from ministering to others. I gathered that the environment was different from the one we were meeting in and that for her it was a necessary change for her spirituality. She does not struggle with her relationship with the church, her relationship is with God.

Sarah also shared that while she didn’t agree with how organized religion, as a whole, did not recognize the importance of women in faith she also supported women being supportive to their husbands. I did not perceive this as an antiquated idea of women being subservient to the male, but more that women have the right to work side by side with their husband; there fore, they should also be as praising and supportive as the man should be to the woman.

While we were sitting and talking a man, who had been drinking heavily came up, he looked over the information on the tables and said, “God wouldn’t like me.” (referring to himself.) Sarah s husband smiled, gave direct eye contact to the man and replied,”God likes those who none of us like.” The man smiled and walked away. Such a simple brief interaction but you could tell that it genuinely made the man feel what he needed and wanted to feel. It was that statement that summed up what both these women, their family's and many like them out there are trying to convey.

Jesus dissociated himself from the customary exclusion of women. Not only does Jesus show no contempt for women; he is amazingly open towards them. The church of the Jewish-Christian paradigm could have been called democratic in the best sense of the word (at any rate it was not aristocratic or monarchical): a community in freedom, equality and brotherhood and sisterhood. (Kung)

In this day and age of the information era; where we watch too much TV. Play too much computer, or console games, have phones glued to our ears, or are constantly text-ing; always listening or watching something on a screen, rushing like mad people from one place to another, one activity to another, with little interaction with each other; these women, and their family’s, are a reminder that God is still alive for many.

Churches have become, for many an extension, of the information era. Hurried and sharing what is written, but not backing it up with the spirit that is behind the word. These Christian women of many different faiths have one common thread. They not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. They pride themselves in gaining strength from being a realistic faithful role model for everyone around them. They recognize that the world, the churches, and the people of today are imperfect. They have set about teaching, and sharing, that there are many ways to have faith. The funny thing is that this idea is not anything new, this idea of Christian faith is very traditional in the eyes, and ideas of Jesus. Their passion in faith reminds us of this and is making a difference; isn’t that what life is all about in the end?







Citation Page:





Coon, Lynda L., Katherine J. Haldane, and Elisabeth W. Sommer. That Gentle Strength; Historical Perspectives On Women In Christianity. United States of America: The University Press of Virginia, 1990. Print.


Goldenberg, Naomi. Changing of the Gods. Boston, Massachusetts: Beacon Press, 1979. Print.




Kung, Hans. Women In Christianity. London, England: Continuum, 2001. Print.


Rogers, Wyatt M. Jr. Christianity and Womanhood. Westport CT: Praeter Publishers, 2002. Print.