Stay

 “You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”
― Pema Chödrön

tags: calm, sky, weather

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.”
― Pema Chödrön

tags: buddhism, shambhala         

         The last couple of blogs I have written on friends, support, feelings, perception.  How do these tie together?  Pema Chodrin writes in her book The Places That Scare You of staying in the moment, staying with your meditation, even when human nature does everything in its power to make you turn away and run.  She says just keep on saying, "stay."
          Lately I have been waking up irritated and angry.  I could place the blame in a multitude of areas, and on a variety of people, but I didn't want to.  In stead I sat down a meditated for over an hour.  I sent a question out into the universe, why am I so angry and irritated lately?
          This is what I heard.  The Pith of the Matter.
          I have someone in my life who I love dearly.  This person is not happy.  It is obvious in their speech, their behavior, daily.  This has been going on for some time. They use addictions to try and lesson the anger and pain they are feeling, but it is not working.  They blame quickly and often people closest to them. 
          I have tried to speak with this person, I have tried listening.  At the height of my frustration I woke up today feeling angrier then ever and shut down.  Feeling that why do I keep on trying so hard, caring so much, when people whom I love don't care either.  I pouted, blamed, detached.  I saw the uselessness of this attitude finally sitting in meditation; staying until I had my answer. 
          The answer is simple. 
           Its just stay.  I don't have to fix it.  It will fix itself, it usually does in its own good time.  All I do is have to stay, be present, listen.  Keep on meditating.  Stay.

Emaho
Namaste
Peace out

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
― Pema Chödrön

“The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes. ”
― Pema Chödrön

Buddha Was A Story Teller

  

 http://tinybuddha.com/blog/get-unstuck-stop-believing-the-negative-stories-you-tell-yourself/      

http://viewonbuddhism.org/resources/buddhist_stories.html

          I have known many story tellers over my life time.  My dad used story's to teach.  My grandfather taught me to love story's on pages. I have known people, friends, and not so friendly, who have shared story's with me for one reason or another.  I have read countless story's, real and imagined, by more authors then I can name and have loved most of them.  I have also learned to love those persons, who have chosen to tell story's, real and imagined, orally. 
          I love listening to, and reading, about peoples story's.  I learn so much.  While I have a love hate relationship with Facebook, as many of you who follow my blog know, I also value it for one main purpose.  It tells me a story of people.  Face book periodically puts up posts from people about what they posted a year ago today.  It tells a story.  Where we were then compared to where we are now.  Gives us a different perspective, point of view, perception if you will. 
          I give the idea of perception a lot of thought actually.  In Buddhism the idea of perception takes on a lot of meaning.  I never quite knew how to write about this idea that I actually find so fascinating and important until recently.  A friend whom I met in school, and follow on Facebook, recently made a post that stated, "Once you stop creating stories suffering stops."  I loved this.  Not sure if its hers, or someone else's, but it made me think.  It hit many points with me, story telling, suffering, creating.  It was epic, and to her I say if this was your quote well done!  I replied to her post with, "It depends on what story you are telling."  To which she said it is a matter of perception.  Ahhhh  :D  I thought a perfect Buddhist thought.
  http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-fear-by-stopping-the-stories-in-your-head/
          While I was meditating on all of this I had a memory of a person in hubby and my life long ago.  This person was an epic story teller.  The "FISH WAS THIS BIG" kind of story teller.  Everyone close to him knew he "exaggerated."  Some people would even call him a liar.   
           Yes technically he lied and exaggerated.  BUT he actually believed the things he told himself, and others, even when presented with facts stating other wise.  It was his perception of his reality.  When someone would call him on his story's it he would become very upset.  Not always angry, more often very sad and betrayed.  It was important to him that the persons close to him support and respect his perceptions of his life.
          Hubby and I use to discuss this person and the conclusion we came to was this.  In the end he is only hurting himself, and honestly sometimes not even then, so lets just leave it alone.  It was hard to form a trusting relationship with this person, but once again, who did that really hurt?  The boundaries that were wrote through his story's were there for a reason.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/story?s=t
          Through the years I have known many persons who could be called liar, my self included.  Its hard to be honest, because honesty is really a matter of perception.  While I strive to tell the truth, as I know it, it is my perception of truth.  My perception of reality.  Anyone who reads my story's can easily argue many points.  I still choose to tell story's regardless.
          I personally think that perception is really behind most of the strife in the world.  Its not that everyone's perceptions are different that causes problems, its that we don't understand, respect, and support that truth.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/perception?s=t
          When you read Buddhist sutra's you realize that all of them have to do with perception.  They are all generally vague.  The Dharma itself is vague, and for a reason. Teaching kindness and compassion in general is about perception.  It is in this general vagueness that so many people get confused about perception in Buddhism.  Sure some things are clear cut, don't murder, don't contribute to addictions.  But even the addiction thing could be argued if someone wanted to.  Someone who considers themselves to be a good Buddhist can argue for eating meat, eating sugar, smoking a joint sometimes, drinking coffee, killing an ant, a roach, a spider, a fly.  So how do you remedy this perception thing? 
          While perception is an ever fluid concept for me and one that I struggle with daily I have done, for the reasons previously mentioned, quite a bit of research and think that I have come up with some ideas that may be helpful.  This is however, my perception.
          When I first became Buddhist it was confusing to read that basically our perception of the world and everything in it is a dream.  This is pretty much how it is worded in ancient Buddhist readings, and can be very confusing.  As you read on, however, and do some research into when and why the text was written, you realize that what it is saying is don't put so much value on things that in the end really wont matter. 
http://buddhismteacher.com/five_aggregates.php
          That house you live in is a dream, its temporary, and created by your vision.  Outside forces can take that dream away from you.  Forces beyond your control.  So don't become so attached to it, and all the stuff in it, to the point that if the universe decides, for what ever reason, that it is something that you don't need, you are so attached that you can not see the wisdom in loss.  I know I know, scary to think about loosing our home.  A place that helps us feel secure and safe.  We build our homes, put so much of ourselves into them.  They are places full of all kinds of memory's. We become so attached to all of this we forget that life goes on with out all the stuff, and until you lose something like a home, you don't realize that what you built can be built again.  Not really bad Karma.  What you lost really wasn't a loss, its all a matter of perception.  Some of us will never have that knowledge, and for what ever reason, the universe deems that some of us should.  It is a gift anyway you look at it.  That is perception.  And that is a story.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/human-nature?s=t
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/feelings?s=t
          That example is the easy part of perception in Buddhism.  The harder part to grasp is feelings and human nature.  And that is what we will struggle with the most in my perception.  Two books stand out in my mind concerning perception in Buddhism.   The first is The Heart of the Buddhas Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh and the other is The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodrin.  I have noticed through my readings, which still don't skim the surface of everything that could be read, that most books say the basic same things.  But it is how it is shared, the perception of the author, that differs.  So reading many different books on Buddhism is always very fascinating, and a learning experience.  They all make you think in my perception.
          Perception is called samjna.  Buddha said, "where there is perception there is deception."  Does this mean that everything we see and/or hear is a lie?  No, of course not.  What it means is that everyone can look at the same thing and see it differently.  So how do we ensure that we respect these differing perception's?  The Noble Eightfold Path.
http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/8foldpath.htm
http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/the-eightfold-path-of-buddhism.html

"Relatively speaking there are right views and wrong views.  But if we look more deeply, we see that all views are wrong views.  No view can ever be the truth.  It is just from one point; that is why it is called a "point of view."  If we go to another point we will see things differently and realize that our first view was not entirely right.  Buddhism is not a collection of views.  It is a practice to help us eliminate wrong views.  The quality of our views can always be improved.  From the view point of ultimate reality.  Right View is the absence of all views."  Thich Naht Hanh

          This idea goes against human nature.  In order for us to feel safe we want to keep our point of view.  We want to keep all the stuff around us that makes us feel safe.  The bottom line is that it really is all an illusion.  We are told, taught, and convince ourselves, that in order to have an identity we must have, and keep at all costs our point of view.  Sometimes this is a valuable trait.  It protects us.  Sometimes, and more often than not, it keeps us isolated from each other.
          My hubby and I have been together for 34 years now and I am still very much in love with him and happy...most of the time.  Human nature. Sometimes he irritates the living shit out of me.  Why?  Well he does things like leaves beard and mustache hairs on the sink sometimes.  Leaves empty coke bottles around.  In general leaves quite a lot of clutter around.  YES, he is much better then he was when we first started out.  But sometimes I just wake up and think if I have to spend one more day with your bullshit I think I'm going to scream...and then I do.  Lately it has occurred to me that my perception of the irritating things he does are mine alone.  He doesn't see anything wrong with most of what he does.  He likes himself, and that is why I like him.  So why do I have days where I'm so irritated with him?

"...when I was encouraged to pay attention-to be curious about what was happening with my body and my mind-something shifted.  I could observe from my own experience that nothing is static.  My moods are continuously shifting like the weather.  I am definitely not in control of what thoughts or emotions are going to arise, nor can I halt their flow.  Stillness is followed by movement, movement flows back into stillness.  Even the most persistent physical pain, when I pay attention to it, changes like the tides."  Pema Chodrin

          This is why we meditate.  NOT to keep from feeling all that we feel, but to come to an understanding that we all feel.  That we as individuals feel.  And that we don't have control over human nature. 
          It is easy in the beginning of Buddhism, and I speak from experience, to think that through meditation, and living by kindness, and compassionate ideas, that you are suddenly suppose to be transformed into this peace loving, yoga practicing, vegetarian.  But this is just skimming the surface, and at the beginning of understanding.  It is an important part of the journey however.  And for those of you who are still choosing the journey it must be experienced.  Continue the experience.  But at some point we realize that there is more to it then that.  How do we continue to be peace loving, yoga practicing vegetarians when there is so much human nature?  Worse yet, we find that we, sometimes more than others, are subject to human nature. 
           Its hard to not engage in gossip sometimes.  Its hard to not get caught up in the hate associated with prejudice and discrimination.  Its hard to not feel something, anything, when faced with abuse, neglect, poverty, lack of education, ignorance, injustice etc.  Its hard to not wake up sometimes feeling irritation for the person you have chosen to spend a life time with.  Then it occurred to me.  
          Everything that I perceive are my perception's.  YES some people out there share the same perceptions, but many more do not.   Do I condemn someone just because they don't think and feel as I do?  If I do isn't that opening the door for them to judge and condemn me?  Most importantly how does this effect my Karma?
         The challenge is not in acknowledging the story's that we all tell to end our own personal sufferings.  It is to acknowledge, and respect, that we all have different story's to tell and it is how we each chose to end our own personal sufferings. 
          YES it is pretty obvious when someone is suffering more than others.  I like to believe that most of us feel compassion for anyone going through this.  BUT I personally believe that we are all capable of change.  That change, whether for better of worse, will take place at the exact time that it is suppose to happen for each individual.  It is our job to just simply try to stay open to it.   It is human nature to want to make something happen faster.  It is uncomfortable to wait.  We don't like feeling out of control.  We all struggle with this. 
          I remember taking sign language in school.  I was certain, at the time, that knowing sign language would open doors for me in my career.  At the time I didn't know that I would be shifting my life.  Sign language did not come easy to me.  I would practice, and practice, and still lacked a certain understanding.  Some would say that perhaps it was because I was not comfortable with it, and many people using it.  Perhaps.  It always feels a little different when we are starting something new.  Some said I lacked exposure to a greater idea of its use.  Many persons gave me their perceptions of why I was not succeeding with this.  And most of them had validity. 
          IN the end, however, my perception, my truth, was this.  I tried it, I learned some very valuable knowledge that still till this day has made my life richer. but it was not what the universe had in store for me.  Should I continue to feel a failure for not succeeding in this area of my life?  Or should I choose to focus on the areas of my life that I am successful at?  What story should I share?  Which story should I focus on?  It was a lesson that we can all benefit from.  Should I not share my story because it relates some kind of suffering?  Should I keep that suffering to myself?  Or should I share what I have learned in hopes of easing suffering for others?  Perception.
          The Pith of the Matter: That quote that my friend made could be directed towards that friend of hubby and mine who liked to exaggerate.  Or to someone whom purposefully lies, exaggerates, in order to lesson the consequences to himself/herself.  But here's the thing.  Telling story's really has nothing to do with anyone else.  The story's we tell define who we are at that particular time in our life.   The story's will always change, differ, depending on the perception of who is telling the story, and who is doing the reading.  And that's ok.  Keep on telling those story's.  Its part of the journey, its how we learn, they teach us about suffering how we all deal with it.  Technically everyone who ever taught, wrote, spoke about Buddhism is telling a story. Buddha was a story teller. It is something we can all benefit from. 

“It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

tags: identity, self-image, sense-of-self, stories, storytelling  

 

 

“You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone's soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows that they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift.”
― Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus

tags: inspirational, story-teller, storytelling, your-gift

 

“Artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.”
― Alan Moore, V for Vendetta

tags: on-fiction, parables, storytelling