The Inner Circle

          I am on this honesty kick lately.   Been asking for people's opinions on what they feel is their deffinition of honesty.   Recieved a couple of interesting reply's as of late.  One was that it was based on gathering facts, like science.  The other was based on who is being honest with you.  I've given some thought to both these answer's.   I agree with honesty being based on fact, but i think honesty is not the same thing as trust, although they seem to go hand in hand.   I also think we all need to be careful about what kind of people we allow into our lives.
          First of all being honest is the ability to be fair, upright, sincere, frank and truthfull.   It is the art of being free from, and of, deciet or fraud.  So when someone says they will always be honest with you the next step is to evaluate if they have, or are capable of having, these traits.  Honesty is different from the truth.  Truth is based on fact; and fact is a truth known by actual experience and/or observation.  So while it can be scientific in nature it is actually the process of collecting facts.   The collecting of facts can be applied to all areas of life and actually is pretty handy when trying to make a decision that has emotions attached to it.  (like a divorce for instance)
          Here's the pith of the matter...I think it is human nature to struggle with, on an almost daily basis, truth and honesty.   Everyday we are faced with choices, hurt someone, or don't hurt someone.   Faced with the don't hurt someone we will lie to save a loved one from being hurt.   That is the truth, it is sincere, based on fact and to the point.   Honesty however, is the ability to tell the truth when faced with that senario.   Honesty is an unselfish act.  It deletes fraud and deciet.  How many times do we choose not to be honest to save our own feelings?  We don't want someone upset with us so we distort the truth.   Perhaps we are one of those people who always need to have everyone happy and getting along, so we distort the truth.   This is not honest behavior.  This behavior ultimately only benefits us in the end because we have set up unrealistic expectations of the people, and life in general, around us.
          Fraudulent behavior is used by someone who uses honesty to some unfair or dishonest disadvantage.   We usually assume that this apply's to the obvious examples of abuse and neglect.   I think the real abuse and neglect comes from the day to day small lies we tell.   If these are done daily, with out notice or consequece, then they continue; growing until the pattern of behavior is a large scale abuse.  People participateing in this behavior usually feel pretty good about themselves becasue they, more often then not, break down others self confidence.   If you are in control of a situation by controlling others let me give you a hint here...its wrong (she whispers.) 
          Decietful behavior is the purposeful concealment, or distortion, of the truth for the purpose of misleading.  Misleading to what?  Ahaaaa    Leading into your way of thinking even though the other person disagree's with you.  This does not apply to religion, politcs, and personal morals/values.  Although Im sure many republicans out there would disagree. (hahaha)   This apply's to choosing people for your inner circle of friends.  If you have to protray yourself as something, or somebody, you are not then you are being decietful and the person you are being decietful with will not have a true picture of who you are.   The freindship is false, based on dishonesty.
          The circle of friends.  Inner, outer and some where in the middle.  Inner circle holds those who you trust to be honest, most of the time.   They love you even with out your make up and bra, and don't care about the couple of pounds you put on.   You can say anything to each other with out fear. They support and share your accomplishments.  They encourage changes and are willing to grow with you.  This deffinition usually apply's to our significant others, but you will find that you will have one or two other people in that circle with you.  We argue with these people, cry, laugh and call on them in times of need.   If you have to stop and ask yourself, before you reach out to them, what will this person think, and those thoughts are accompanied by anxiety, then they are not inner circle material.
           Middle circle- these are firends who you love to hang out with but will only be there sometimes.  They share the joys, but don't call them when things are hard.   They say they are understanding, but their listening skills kinda suck, and they mostly say the wrong thing.   You love going to the bar or shopping with them, mabey a lunch every once in awhile.  Theyre great friends in a large social situation, get em alone where they are faced with the reality of you and it feels uncomfortable.   This circle will usaully be your biggest.
          Outter circle-You know those people you run into at the grocery store, or restraurant.   Never to be trusted with personal information because they will run back and share it with others so fast it will make your head spin.   You don't dislike them, you just don't trust them.   You would never be alone with these people.
        The circle will change through out your life, so don't be afraid.   As we change and grow so does our circle.   When your trust level is high, we are more capable of handling difficulty.   The more trust we have in people, places and things the less stress we feel.   It is in our control to surround ourselves with trust in order to be a more productive, healthy, successful person.   So nuture that inner circle and choose wisly, it is one of the secrets to a good self-confidence and success.  :)