Never Never Land: or Facebook 101

“For long the two enemies looked at one another, Hook shuddering slightly, and Peter with the strange smile upon his face.
"So, Pan," said Hook at last, "this is all your doing."
"Ay, James Hook," came the stern answer, "it is all my doing."
"Proud and insolent youth," said Hook, "prepare to meet thy doom."
"Dark and sinister man,“For long the two enemies looked at one another, Hook shuddering slightly, and Peter with the strange smile upon his face.
"Dark and sinister man," Peter answered, "have at thee.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan




          A couple of years ago, out of curiosity, and because my youngest son was using it, I started a Facebook account.  I had a MySpace page for a bit then and was told it wasnt cool anymore; so being the cool, good, involved mom that I try to be I switched to Facebook.  This whole online communication thing to me was strange, and still continues to be so.  I think many people of my generation feel the same way.  It is often percieved as having mor cons than pro's.  Good because it does give an opportunity to keep in touch with people whom you might not otherwise be able to.  Bad becasue...well...people seem to get too caught up in it and it recieves far more attention than it deserves. 
          I am a Facebook pariaha because I only have 64 friends and to tell you the truth Im not quite sure all of these can be considered close friends, some are aquaintances, some are friends of my sons and some are family; BUT they all share one ting and that is respect.  I am careful in whom I allow to post and view my post on Facebook.  I do not allow clients to have access to this, I do not allow employers (and from time to time employees) to have it, and I am careful about which teachers (currently none) have this information.  My Facebook page is for me to be able to socialize with people and keep in contact with persons whom, as ppreviously metnioned, I would not be able to do so.  It does not reflect my professional life; I keep my private and my professional life seperate.  If I have a strictly professional relationship with someone I would not consider giving this person access to my private life.  It really is none of my employers, instructors, co-workers, clients business what I do on my own time.  I can say this with confidence because I feel that I, and my family, lead a good, happy, contened life with nothing to be embarrassed by. 
          If you are on my Facebook page it is because I trust you and know you accept me, my family, and my life with out judgement and I feel the same about you.  YES...(because I know my sons friends at this point are gafawing me) I use it to keep track of my sons goings ons; BUT they know that I trust and respect them, even if I do from time to time question some of their choices (question being the opporitive word here.  I do not insist they do what I think is right for them, I just want to make sure that they feel they are doing the right thing.) 
          Anywho...I periodically clean house on my Facebook page, not because I have stopped respecting anyone...well I take that back, but it is a rarity, but because I dont want to be a collector of people.  I want to surround myself with people who are active in my life and vice versa.  I have blocked a small handful of people.  I will explain why because this is The Pith of the Matter.
I actually like Facebook it is another interesting venue to b eable to express point of views, thoughts, opinions etc.  You can do this all sorts of ways, simple little quotes, thumbnail pics of art works historical or not, Comics, website attachements, real photos, the list really is endless.   It is the electronic version of freedom of speech.  AHA there it is...freedom of speech.
 
http://www.uscourts.gov/EducationalResources/ClassroomActivities/FirstAmendment/WhatDoesFreeSpeechMean.aspx
          Here is a site for you so you can read in detail.  The first ammendment basically says,"Congress shall make no law...abridging freedom of speech."  So bare with me cause this is where it gets interesting.  This law enables us to post all kinds of opposing views concerning politics, religion, etc. on our Facebook with out fear of retribution from the government.  BUT it does not protect us from other people on Facebook.
          I will give you an example.   During the last Presidential election I did not vote.   This does not make me a poor American, no where does it state that as an American I HAVE to vote, it states that I have the right to vote.  I CHOOSE not to vote because, frankly, I didnt much care for any of the canidates and I dont believe in voting for the lesser of two evils.  (Not literally evil,,,just a saying.)  I stated my view point on Facebook and an old friend from Facebook fired back,"If your not going to vote then shut up."  Well....huh...interesting; I always respond to bullying.  (NOT)
          Another example I have watched, for some time now, is two people on my Facebook constantly jumping on each others shit for expressing opposing view points.  One is admittedly trolling the other on purpose because, well honestly the other person keeps on falling for it.  But I think I can safely say to both these persons (and you know who you are) that we are all over it.  This example goes beyond the normal trolling scenario because both people are percieved by many around them as taking, what the other person has said, very personally.
           Heres the thing that all of us, including me from time to time, forgets.   When we express a point of view, opinion, or make a comment regarding something everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has the right in America to express an opposing point of view.   What perplexes me is why do people take it so personally?  I mean really?  Get ready cause I am about to drop a truth bomb.  IF you feel confident about your morals, values, points of view etc etc then why is it so important to you that everyone you know feel exactly as you do about it and agree with you?  Isnt that a lack of confidence?  
          A couple of months ago my husband and I had, what we percieved as, a fun, intellectual discussion regarding Darwins natural selection theory on Facebook.   Personally I dont care for the theory, I dont think it is relevant in todays world.  Humans have progressed past the idea of natural selection and I think WW2 proved that it was bullshit.  In current psychology books and information Darwin is rarely referenced anymore; credit is given only for his theory of evolution, which still holds some merit.   The person rage quit...unfortunate.   I assume it was because he felt he was loosing....but loosing what?  I was not attempting to take anything from him, only expresing politely and respectfully my point of view.  By the way many people were watching the thread and engaged in it, we all enjoyed ourselves.
          All these instances got me to thinking.  Why does this happen?  I think that people are use to percieving much of life these days in anger and frustration.  So as soon as someone expresses an opposing view point the first thing is to react with anger and frustration.  They do not respond, even though one of the choices is always to respond.  These are the same people who get down right biligerant about their Facebook page.   "ITS my page dammit Ill psot what ever the hell I want."  Well the thought is nice, but the presentation sucks.

http://www.facebook.com/page_guidelines.php  
http://www.stevebarnes.net/top-10-facebook-rules-and-regulations/  
http://www.facebook.com/legal/terms  
          Here are three sites that give information on how to effectively use Facebook.  I encourage everyone to read them.
          A couple of other things to consider.  If you are so obsessed with Facebook that
 1.) you spend more than 30 minutes a day (and honestly that to me is still alot of time, you can paruse through home page and your page in about 10 minutes,) 
 2.) have more than 100 people on your page (and this does not count high school pages or advertsing pages, this refers to personal pages only)         
 3.) Dont know who even some of the people on your page are.
 4.) Call these strangers friends.  And finally
 5.) Take what ever you see on the internet and post it on Facebook as the honest truth and absolute last word on anything;
YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!
Facebook is a tool to make communication fun and easy.  Like any tool if it is not used correctly it causes injury.
          Just to give myself a reality check I will tell you that my Facebook, as a whole, is usually full of postive, peacfull messages.  I think people are thrown of guard when they see me post other wise.  I know that my peace filled page irritates some people.  I am not always that peace filled.  But I am human and realistic.  I continue to post peaceful messages because that is what I beleive and strive for.  And in my opinion it is far better then messages full of hate...what ever that means to you.  It is easy for me to continue psoting what I do because I feel it to be the right thing for ME.   I look at my friends and familys posts, some I like, some I dont.  BUT I am never insulted if I post something and no one likes it or someone (Buddha forbid) posts an opposing comment.  It is their opinion.  This rarely happens however and I think it is because I dont feel the need to gain approval concerning my personal view points (for one) and (secondly) I dont just let anyone friend me and vice versa.
           Come on people, in real life you cant be friends with everyone.  You cant have everyones approval all the time and not everyone is going to like you all the time.  Facebook IS NOT the real world!!! 
          We all know the story of Peter Pan and the Lost boys and how they didnt want to grow up.   They lived in a fantasy world, surrounded by danger but most of the time taking it all very lightly, treating it like a game.  It wasnt until someones life was in danger that suddenly their world became very real to them.   I am not saying that Facebook is dangerous, but for those who choose to get lost in its never never land quality it can be.  

“Stars are beautiful, but they may not take an active part in anything, they must just look on for ever. It is a punishment put on them for something they did so long ago that no star now knows what it was. So the older ones have become glassy-eyed and seldom speak (winking is the star language), but the little ones still wonder.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

A Child Called Time

     

Time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is

Now you always say
That you want to be free
But you'll come running back (said you would baby)
Youll come running back (I said so many times before)
Youll come running back to me

Oh, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is

Youre searching for good times
But just wait and see
Youll come running back (I wont have to worry no more)
Youll come running back (spend the rest of my life with you, baby)
Youll come running back to me

Go ahead, go ahead and light up the town
And baby, do everything your heart desires
Remember, I'll always be around
And I know, I know
Like I told you so many times before
Youre gonna come back, baby
Cause I know
Youre gonna come back knocking
Yeah, knocking right on my door
Yes, yes!

Well, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is

Cause I got the real love
The kind that you need
Youll come running back (said you would, baby)
Youll come running back (I always said you would)
Youll come running back, to me
Yes time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
I said, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side
Yeah, time, time, time is on my side
-The Rolling Stones




           I have always rebelled a little against the concept of time.  Infact... quite a few people I know do.  The ones, like myself, who try to be realistic about it understand that time was a man created concept used to organize, and to a certain extent, control society(s).   Knowing when, why, and how this idea is used is what encourages, and supports, us to have a healthy perspective of time; and in turn a happy organized feeling lifestyle.. 
          On the flip side are the people who think they are rebelling but really only are percieved by those around them as being out of control.  These people are identified primarily by being late for almost everything, except their jobs, because frankly, at some point, they probably lost a job because of it; and lets face it having no money is not fun.  (But this is an example of a person who is really, when they put their mind to it, capable of learning how to manage time.)  These people expect everyone around them, selfishly, to understand their reasons for always being late.   They have so many things going on that, basically, they are unable to manage their time.  So time ends up manageing them.
          For these people the idea of rebelling against time does not work.  In order to rebel effectivily you must first be able to grasp fully, and wholly, what you are rebelling against, you must be able to not let what you are rebelling against control you; finally and most importantly, you must be able to control yourself with in the environment that you are rebelling against.  Since what we are talking about here is time rebelling against it means being in control of yourself...well...the majority of the time.  Taking into consideration, always, that we are human and make mistakes and are subject to the human nature of others.
          Time kinda fascinates me.  It really does intrude upon every aspect of our lives.  We set our alarms in the morning and time tells us when to wake up.  We have set schedules, controlled by a time frame, for work, school, meetings, dates, etc.   We know when it is time to pay a bill, get payed, and pay attention to family, friends, pets, and ourselves.  We know exactly how much time can pass before we perform maintenance on our vehicles, our homes, our yards, our gardens, our health, and our emotional and/or mental well being.   Our so you would think....But I am here to explain to you that some people do not grasp this concept.
          Whether this is do to some true challange in understanding, coping, and or grasping time I dont know.  In my perception of people, based on what I have observed over 25+ years in my career, I personally feel, and believe that their are very few people who are unable to grasp the concept of time.  They choose not to.  The reasons behind this, I feel, run a gambit of excuses and reasons; they dont know how, they were never taught how, they lack the ability to respect not only others, but at the core, themselves, which leads me to the victim attitude... the ultimate handicap.   They, for what ever multitude of reasons, and excuses, they give,"just cant."  Bleh....  Given the tools to manage time anyone can do it.   Cant help anyone who doesnt want to help themselves though.  So time management is a choice.
          I am personally happy to rebell against time.   Over the years my hubby and I have learned that the best way to tell time to fuck off is to have at least one day, a week, where we do absolutely nothing, or only what we feel like doing.  We also have learned, however, that when we do too much of what ever we want time kicks us in the ass and takes control of our lives. 
          Time likes to be payed attention to and when you do not give the devil his due he has a way of making the universe turn to do his bidding.  Things start falling behind, things dont get done, people dont get attention, YOU dont get attention, and before you know it you are in this dark hole that time allowed you to dig.  YOU being the opportive word here.  Time is pretty sneaky, it doesnt have to do a damn thing really, it only needs to sit back and watch you screw everything up all on your own.  Time is like a child that needs to be lovingly petiently and thoughtfully disciplined.  I think that is why so many of us get better at managing time when we become parents; not all mind you, but most.
          So what is The Pith of the Matter with time you ask?  Well let me tell you, It is not that I have to spend at least one hour of my week writing everything down on a calander, it is not that I have to look at my watch as I joyfully scream down the road, stereo blaring then have my speed nirvana interupted by time.  It is not that at least 90% of my life has time playing such a huge important role in it.  I have learned that time works with me when I pay attention to it.  I make it happy it makes me happy.  What interupts my happy relationship with time is how there are some people who dont understand that when they dont respect time they are disrespecting others around them.   AND Buddha help you if you point out how you rushed home to help them out only to sit there for 30 minutes (every week because these people are consistently late) while they go out to eat first and visit with people.  I havnt eaten yet because I was busy hurrying home and being respectful of the agreed upon time line that we made together to help you out! 
          Being Buddhist I will always try to use love and compassion and negotiate something that works for everyone.  But these people who just run with the devil (time) and not give it the respect it deserves are in so deep that time is now its evil soul draining sucubus.  It has grown from an ignored petelant spoiled child to an over indulged adolescent hormonal nightmare and it has taken up a firm crazy residence in their head.  It is the fun govenor of their lives.
          How do I know this?  Well as I have stated often I never presume to write about anything that I have not already experienced myself.  And it is not just by watching everyone else; it is by personal experience, making my own msitakes, and being accountable to them that I have learned.   If time is taking up too much of my life then it is time to rebel and take control of it myself.  
          Rebel is defined as a person who refuses allegiance to, resists, or rises in arms against the government or ruler of his or her country.  A person who resists any authroity, control or tradition.
http://inside.fdu.edu/fdupress/03121801.html  Here is a great piece on how to be a great rebel.  The point here is that so often we only examine the surface of our, or some one elses actions, because looking past the surface is hard.  It requires addtional thinking, additional work, coming out of our confort zone, and more often than not a confrontation of some kind.  Once again the reminder that confrontation is good, conflict is bad.
           As Americans so many of us have become accustomed to living a life controled by time that we have become complacent and have made the choice to observe only on the surface what the ramifications of being controlled by time, mostly defined by the falicy of the American Dream (and the people who perpetuate that dream) is truely doing to us.   If you really want to rebel against this idea then you dont live by a defintion of the American Dream driven by a false definition of time , and the ignorance of people who choose to support it; all of which is driven by the American Dream.  (see that nasty endless circle it creats?)   YOU define what the American Dream means to you and make it work with in the time frame of your choosen lifestyle.
          YES we live in a society where we are very privledged to have so much at our disposal and be able to make so many choices; we have that FREEDOM.  What I dont get though is why do so many of us choose to be ruled by things that are truley with in our control?  Time at the top of that list.  We can vote but we dont always get what, or whom, we vote for.  We can get educated but we dont always get the career of our choice.  We get married, have children and build a life but it is more often than not NOT the life we dreamed of.  But through all of that there is time.  How we choose to face time is what truley makes the difference between anger and happiness in our lives.
          At the end of time, when time has become suddenly very limited, and completely out of your control; and it is holding your hand on your death bed breathing gentle whispers of love and compassion in your ear will you firmly and lovingly grasp its hand back or will you push that hand away in anger and blame.  I guarentee if you choose anger time will shed a tear for you.  Time is our greatest teacher, our greatest challange and our greatest supporter.  We can either rebel against it with a smile, love and peace; then gently, but firmly, take control of it, and lead it where we want it to go, or we can let it take control of us and choose to let it make us feel crazy and out of control.   Personally, I choose to hold its hand and lead it through my life letting it teach, and support me in all I need to be happy.   I hope everyone whom is involved in my personal time frame understands and respects this.  If not we have a far greater relationship problem then you always being late.