You can speak.

       
"The word is not just a sound or a written symbol.  The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life.  You can speak."
The Four Agreements- by Don Miguel Ruiz

         Have you ever met one of those people who is motivated by anger?  There seems to be alot of them out there these days.  They are in the grocery stores, specifically Walmart's, yelling at their kids or some poor unsuspecting peon who is just doing their job.   They are on the roads, screaming at you for taking to long to turn into a parking space that has a person pulling out of it or honking like a mad person when you are driving the speed limit.  They are at school complaining about teachers, school work, and not getting enough financial aid to pay their bills or buy gorcery's.  (I thought financial aid was suppose to pay for education?) They are yelling at you for getting their order wrong or not refilling their prescription.  When asked why they are expending so much negative emotionI these people state out loud, and with an entitled attitude, that anger "works for them."  I'm going to debate that.  :P It may work for them but it doesn't work for everyone around them.
          Anger is defined as a feeling of displeasure and billergerance aroused by a wrong, it is also grief, or trouble.    Grief is mental suffereing afflicted over pain or loss; and trouble is to disturb the mental calm of, to worry, to feel distress, to agitate or to be agitated.   Does this mean that person's choosing to communicate in, or with, anger are choosing to use a behavior that is not only distructive to themselves, but to many around them?   Why do people choose this route?  If given a choice I'de personally choose peace any day.  Life is so much happier when peace is involved.  
          Don't get me wrong, I think anger has its place.  It is completely appropriate to feel and express anger when a wrong has been done.  I don't even think the wrong need be done to you in order to feel anger.  How many people feel anger when we hear about hate crimes?  Or a person using faith to further their own personal agenda?   My husband has played a game with me for years.  He will search cable to find news on a hate crime just to watch me storm.  I realize the hypocrisy of this.  I am feeding the emotion of hate and anger by having the same emotions.  But it does bring up feelings of anger in me when I feel injustices towards an individuals rights.  And hate crimes are HUGE injustices to some ones rights.  We have the right to express ourselves at the top of our lungs how much we dislike, or hate a person's culture, religion, education, beliefs etc. We also have the right to turn our back on what somebody is saying and walk away with out fear of having our skull bashed in when our back is turned.   NOBODY has the right to hurt someone or take a life for any reason.  America is about free speech, NOT free suffereing.
          America is all about dreams.  Those dreams were written down into words for everyone to read. Visualize if everyone made a conscious effort to speak with authenticity, and respect to everyone.   In the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz he talks about four basic "agreements" that we make with ourselves in order, to basically, live peacefully with each other.  The first one is,"be impeccable with your word."  Wow.  I gave this some thought.  The obvious deffinition is be polite, and respectful, never cause harm to another by gossiping.   Then there is honesty and truthfullness, which I covered in another blog.  But the deeper meaning is to use language in a way that you can feel good about yourself everyday.  That is true freedom of speech.  To have complete confidence in what you speak, and what you hear to the point that none of it will cause harm.  Is it possible for someone who chooses to communicate from a place of constant anger to use words impeccably?  If they can what is their motivation for doing so?  Again we are back to the deffinition of anger and trouble.
          It is a challange to face all that we do in a single day and not feel a single negative emotion.  Everyone is faced with anger and hate, no one is subject to more or less; and no one has the right to judge if their anger is greater then someone elses.  Feelings are one of the true things in life that we can call our own and no one can take from us.  What is different, from person to person, is how we choose to deal with those feelings.  Hate is an easy emotion.  It is so much easier to pass judgement, gossip, feel anger, pessimism and disappoinment then to forgive, understand, praise and be optimisitc.  The high road takes work and alot of thinking, and thinking can be exhausting.
          Think about all this a step farther into the future.  What about children?  Freedom of choice does not apply to children, who are subject to the feelings, thoughts and choices of the adult role models around them.  They do not have a choice in the anger they are forced to endure and more importantly learn.  To the angry role models in childrens lives I have a scarey thought for you.  They grow up you know.
          At some point in everyones lives a choice has to be made.  Perhaps at one time anger was appropriate.  Perhaps it was a defense mechanism, or a survival technique.  Perhaps it was the outcome of unresolved grief.  What ever the reason for the anger at some time it has to stop.  Someone once told me that unresolved anger leads to depression which leads to anxiety.   There are an awful lot of people out there on anti depresants and anxiety meds.   Doesn't anyone know how to cope anymore?
          One of the best ways to cope is to use your voice and let your word be spoken.  The best way to do that is impeccably.  With honesty, and respect.  Not for the other person, although it does help, but for youself.   I remember teaching a young father, who had just been released from jail, how to communicate better.  He had gone to jail for a physical altercation where he had hurt someone.  He tried to convince me that words would not have made a difference.  At the time he had a two year old son, he had not been in his sons life for a year because he was in jail.  I asked him if words could give him that year back would they make a difference.  I also asked him what he wanted his son to learn, because his son was watching him.   The father made a choice.  He learned that he could use words very effectively.  After practicing he related how he had difused many altercations at work, between friends, out on the streets, and in his own home.   He gained a sense of pride and respect for himself.  This one simple thing improved this young mans life.  He got a job, went back to school, improved his relationships and became the dad that he wanted his son to be proud of.
          Here's the pith of the matter. Words, what we say and how we use them.  Anger does not work.  I advocate feeling angry, but expressing it in a healthy manner appropriatly.   More importantly in moderation.   I personally do not listen to someone who is yelling, screaming, or spitting in my face while they are trying to tell me what they need.  I also don't listen to someone who complains all the time, and who thinks the world is out to get them.  Choose not to be a victim.  Be proactive, be optimistic, use your word impeccably, be polite, use your good listening skills, and put a smile on your face.  Then you can speak.