― François Rabelais
― John Green,
People who don't know me tell me that what I share is perceived as ranting. People who do know me, and know me well, tell me that they, these inner circle people, understand that what I share are my thoughts and perceptions. Not directed at anyone specifically.
Sometimes I vent, which is not the same as ranting. Venting is blowing off steam so I can continue to try and deal with life, and all people, and circumstances attached to it, with as much compassion, patience, love and kindness as I can muster. Thank you to the handful of friends and family who understand this and have my back. Ranting is constantly complaining and never have any intention of making a change. Recently a old friend entered and left my life attached to this value I keep and taught me something about myself that I want to pass along; once again in hopes of helping who ever reads my humble little blog.
Periodically I make a Facebook post that is about a paragraph long, sometimes shorter, on a perception that I have had. A couple of weeks ago I made a post that basically shared that we all get tired, we all feel that we have hit a brick wall. We all feel the need to get away from it all, but its not always possible to do so. My solution was, and still is, to take time to be in the moment. Stop take a deep breath, meditate (what ever form it is for you) read a book, hold a hand, give hugs...you get the idea.
This old friend replied to my post, and this is not a direct quote but you'll get the jest, "You are so lucky, we live such different lives." I replied that luck has nothing to do with it. She disagreed and I left it alone. But one of my inner circle friends replied that happiness, especially optimism, is a choice. Which I completely agree with and told her so, complimenting her on her insight.
I didn't want to call this old friend out on Facebook. I personally don't like engaging, and causing conflict, in general I prefer to confront respectfully and compassionately. So I messaged her and shared my perception of why I chose to post what I did.
Admittedly, looking back I really did not need to do this. Realistically I know that I have no control over how anyone, but myself, chooses to perceive anything. But there will always be a part of me that wants to try and ease someone's suffering, no matter how big or small that suffering is. I am hard wired for this; when I try not to help in anyway that I can I feel lost, unfulfilled, sad and angry. Feelings I personally don't like to subscribe to.
People who don't know me have tried to imply that I am a control freak and need to have everything my way. People who know me say I am always trying to do good, and to just set up appropriate boundaries so I don't hurt myself. Which is usually what ends up happening. I get hurt, not because I tried and failed, but because there is someone in the world who not only chooses to live a life filled with suffering and immerses him/herself in it, but because they made every attempt at trying to not only bring me into their suffering but to make me understand that living with suffering and living within suffering are the same thing.
I am condensing the story, but I hope you can read between the lines. The old friends reply to my share was, "I can see you still need to have the last word."
Honestly this enraged me, and looking back now I think she new it would. (and shame on me for feeling the anger that I did) I had forgotten about this ploy, this attempt that is used by some people to get someone to stop talking. It didn't work; I did reply but I went to a dark place and momentarily thought, in the end, who really cares what she perceives? Then I remembered...I do.
I don't care what she perceives about me, in the end I continue to do what I know and feel to be right for everyone. I strive to be selfless in everything I do not selfish. I choose to listen to the people who try to keep a positive outlook no matter what challenge the universe gives them. And I choose to not let anyone diminish me. These choices I make give me strength to help people who perceive that they are diminished. No one should ever feel less.
When I have the last word it is because I genuinely feel that their is another perspective that someone, even myself, has not considered. That perspective should be talked about, and thought about. That perspective neutralizes everything. It doesn't give anyone the edge or makes winners or losers. It brings understanding for everyone.
So here's The Pith of the Matter. No matter how hard it is. No matter what your feeling; whether it is fear, sorrow, anger, or doubt, or all of them combined. You have every right to be brave; share the last word when that word is kind, respectful, loving and compassionate. Say what you have to say honestly then just back away from it. Never stop fighting the good fight. Look at the person trying to diminish you and/or life in general using the super hero pose. Head held high, hands on your hips, a confident content look on your face, a slight compassionate smile, cape flying in the wind and use the super power we all have. Your voice. Someone somewhere will be listening.
Emaho Namaste Peace out
― Brodi Ashton,
people unanimously maintain
a conspiracy of silence,
one word of truth
sounds like a pistol shot.”
― Czesław Miłosz