Thursday, October 20, 2016

The Potential of Potential: For parents who want everything for their child(ren).

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           Periodically I am faced with other parents who question the success of my sons, for what ever reason, and by association how they were parented.  This bothers me but not for the reasons you may think.  I rarely get up in arms and angry at people who throw out comments about how my sons choose to maneuver their lives.  What I more often feel for these other parents is a deep regret and feeling of compassion.  I wonder if they know and appreciate their own children fully?  While I usually don't say anything to these parents/caregivers, because I don't feel the need to explain, or make excuses, for choices in my life that have nothing to do with them, I do feel the need to share some wisdom that I can honestly share has been successful. 
          This wisdom is not mine.  While it has been adjusted to fit to our family the knowledge has been taken from experts in many different fields of life.  So while reading this know that you also can go out and find the information that will fit your family and lifestyle. 
           When husband and I had our first son we sat down and had a conversation about what were going to be the most important things we wanted our child(ren) to learn.  The things that would help them be successful in life.  Before we could do that we realized that we needed to define what was the meaning of success.
We decided that success is defined differently by everyone but ultimately must include happiness.  The traditional meaning of success usually includes some word that means wealth. 
The definition of wealth includes some reference to money, and material items.  But it is in the second definition of wealth that we focused on. 

2.  an abundance or profusion of anything; plentiful amount:

          Many people believe that wealth, and by association, success, is defined by money and everything it can buy.  When you realize that the statistic's for people who are actually able to obtain, and maintain, this definition is very small in comparison to the over one quarter of American's currently on welfare it becomes clear that the meaning of success does not necessarily apply to everyone and should be carefully defined. 
          Having an education in child development, human development, and social work hubby and I asked the question,"isn't it more important to teach a child certain skills that ensure happiness in life in general?"  On the off chance, and no parent wants to think about their child struggling in life in any shape or form, that they were unable to achieve the 4% of wealth in America? 
          We came up with a list of skills/tools that we felt, and still feel to this day, that would enable our children to find happiness and there for success.

* How to be polite.  Manners should always be used with everyone.  We made sure to teach our kids that insisting on using manners is not a sign of weakness.  Using words and not your fists will get you farther in life.  Being able to use manners when ever confronted with a bully of any age, through all stages of life, defines character.  More importantly knowing that you can be polite when faced with rudeness is an internal motivator.  It feels good when you have succeeded at standing up to a bully with only your words, and character, and encourages you to be brave.  This internal motivator moves us forward to face other scary situations, like a new job, a crappy boss, a new school, moving out of state, your first child, etc.  It also encourages learning, which in turn encourages wisdom, and supports further courage enabling further accomplishments.
* Honesty.  Kids, and adults will progress through stages of life where they lie.  Sometimes this is developmentally appropriate.  Learning how, and when the world can be manipulated is actually an important part of development, so when a child is caught in a lie it should be handled carefully, with out fear, or embarrassment, and always with a consequence that is appropriate. 
          The test of whether or not you were successful at teaching this skill is; did they turn into honest, trustworthy adults.  Are they capable of communicating what they think and feel with respect and honesty to achieve their goals?  Honesty is directly related to politeness.
*Read.  To them, with them, for them if necessary, and encourage them to read what interests them.  (Even if it is comic books.)  This encourages communication, and imagination.
*Imagination and the ability to create.  There are some studies out there that suggest that children who are not exposed to and/or have never had the chance to be creative have a harder time problem solving.  If you cant problem solve how are you going to get that promotion?  More importantly, how will you keep that promotion and continue to climb the ladder.  Let them imagine what ever it is they can.  Encourage it and be involved in it.  Listen to there music, read what they read, play the games they play.  Show them all aspects of creativity and how important it is to all of us in different ways.

*Faith.  While we took our children to church with us when they were young; when they hit puberty they began questioning religion and god.  Give them options to your religion.  Show them that the world is full of all kinds of faith.  Teach them that its not important that they follow your path but they have a path and if they opt to be atheist be the best atheist they can be.  Role model how to live with each other respectfully while having different faiths.  Hubby is Catholic, I am Buddhist, we love each other, and agree to disagree on some points of faith, reincarnation vs. heaven for example.  Being able to do this in your household is invaluable to teaching compassion, which is something all faith's subscribe to.

*Compassion.  In this world full of so much anger, hate, and confusion the best thing you can arm your child with is compassion.  Knowing how and why people do what they do.  This must be taught with empathy.  While we are born with empathy it is still a skill that must be role modeled and nurtured.

*No.  I remember having clients who didn't want their child to hear no.  While the intentions were good this sets up children for failure.  If you choose to raise your child in a world where they never hear no they will be disappointed as adults...often.  The world is full of no.  The trick is teaching them that its nothing to be afraid of and to get out there and try again.  To be brave. They gain confidence with no by being allowed to say no and knowing that you are going to listen to their reasons for saying no and periodically back them up on their decision.  YES it is your job to sometimes say to them I'm sorry you don't want to do this but you still have to.  BUT it is also your job to sometimes respect their reasons for saying no and let them have it.  Knowing some one will listen to them builds confidence and more importantly keeps you connected with them through all the difficulty's of their life.
           Lastly but certainly the most important one.  Our children our not an extension of us.  They are their own person.  ON the flip side having them make lots of money, drive big fancy cars, have a big house, does not define what kind of job I did parenting them.  Do we really need to be proud of our children only for how much they make?  What is it exactly that we are suppose to really be providing for and to each other. Isn't it more important to be proud of the kind of person they are and how they treat those around them? It is our job just to give them the tools, support, love, compassion, they need to go out into the world and forge their own way.  With that said I want to explain the potential of potential and how everything I just shared ties into this.
          As a parent it is out jobs to watch our children for strengths and encourage them on a path that encourages those strengths so that they may be successful and ultimately happy, and if not always happy (because expecting that is expecting perfection) at least confident, in their choices.  BUT it is not our job to push and/or imply in any shape or form that we think they are on the wrong path and not meeting their potential.  Suggesting that they are not meeting their potential will more often than not cause your child to feel unsuccessful and backfire on you.  No one can define anyone else's potential. (This is why IQ tests are rarely used anymore.) Potential is a discovery, a journey, to be experienced by each of us at our own pace.  As a parent have confidence that your child will find the way. 
          YES it is hard sometimes to sit back and do nothing when every ounce of you wants to rush in and recuse them, protect them, and show them the easier path, the right path (in your opinion).  But you cant. Well you can, but unless they are doing harm to themselves or some one else I wouldn't recommend it. 
          You may feel the temporary feeling of satisfaction that comes with thinking that you did what was right for your child, but more often than not what usually happens is they will do it their way after all, and end up slightly resenting you for putting them on a path that wasted their time.  So its ok...they can figure it out for themselves.  And I don't say this in a vindictive, angry tone of voice kind of way. I mean in a they can, and will, figure it out with out you, have confidence in them and your parenting, kind of way.
          I have ultimately always been more proud of my kids when they do it on their own with out me and/or hubby.  I have been proud of them when they really screw things up because they learn from their mistakes.
          I wanted to send strong, independent, compassionate, honest, respectful adults out into the world who all made a difference in their own way.  If they wanted to be a garbage man then be the best garbage man they can be.  If they wanted to work at McDonalds then be the best darn Mcee D's employee there is.  No matter what their choice was, or is, just do it to the best of your ability and your will discover your own individual potential.  Once anyone figures out they are capable of more, then they want more, simple as that.  Its not anything that can be taught, it must be experienced.  Give them what they need to experience life to its fullest and how to be good at it and it will be ok.
          The Pith of the Matter is this. When you walk your own path with love, respect, politeness, compassion, and confidence you will get what you need to be happy.  To be successful and obtain all the wealth you need in this life to sustain you.  Be a thoughtful person and you will raise thoughtful children.

Leo Buscaglia
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a
listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia
Sarah Dessen
“The choices you make now, the people you surround yourself with, they all have the potential to affect your life, even who you are, forever.”
Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

Fred Rogers
“Part of the problem with the word 'disabilities' is that it immediately suggests an inability to see or hear or walk or do other things that many of us take for granted. But what of people who can't feel? Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in constructive ways? What of people who aren't able to form close and strong relationships? And people who cannot find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love? These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities.”
Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

Friday, September 30, 2016

Its All About the Gravy (Hazel): The Voices In My Head

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          If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that Hazel, my grandmother on my mothers side, has brought me a lot of suffering in my life.  That is not what this blog is going to be about although I will give some back ground for more clarity.  In my path, or anyone's for that matter, one of the greatest challenges has been learning what we are suppose to learn from suffering.  For decades my Grandmother was by far the greatest obstacle to my peace of mind.   It took time to finally realize that she would be the greatest teacher in my peace.

          Hazel was born to a very large poor family.  Literally living in a shack during depression era in the very cold state of North Dakota.  I cant remember if she was the oldest but I do remember her sharing how it was her job to look after, and care, for her younger siblings.  Her mother died when she was young and was replaced by a step mother whom she never had fond words for.  She spoke little of her father other than to share that he drank.  Her grandfather, whom she spoke of often, was a "cruel" man.  Running away from home at 16 she married a much older man who, it was rumored, had left and divorced his wife, a no no for that time.  This marriage did not last long.  Later she met and married my grandfather and had one child, my mother. Story's surrounding how my grand mother parented were vague but not kind.  
          My grandmother, as I knew her, was not a generous or secure woman.  She worried excessively about things beyond her control.  Money was very important to her and she never gave it unless there was an emergency, even then deducting large amounts, i.e. hospital bills, from inheritance.  Her gifts were very frugal and focused more on practicality.
          She used things up until the were not able to be used anymore.  There was never a time when there was not a used paper napkin folded neatly at her place on the kitchen table. In my 40 some odd years of life shared with her she purchased new furniture for her home once, never re-arranging it.  It gave a place for everything and everything in its place a completely different definition.  This detail to organization was not just a comfort level for her but a very obvious important part of her security.  She needed to have things just as they have always been, to have more than enough money saved. 
          Food was something else all together for her. Don't get me wrong she was an exceptional cook and taught me much of what I know about cooking.  But as she got older we, the grandchildren, for my mother had passed away when she was 42, would take her out to dinner assuring a couple of things.  One, that we wouldn't have to eat what ever had been in her kitchen for weeks, and second, to make sure that she was eating something else other than old food, or half a piece of toast, half a banana, and a cup of tea; her breakfast that she had eaten for decades.
          It was obvious that my grandmother had been irreversibly wounded.  When I was younger I found this no excuse for her sexual abuse towards me.  Angry, I was convinced that she was one of the people in my life who was to care and protect me and she had miserably failed at this.  When my mother passed away my grandmother did not step in to help, in fact she made things worse.  In fact she generally made many things in life worse, especially with me. 
          She told story's of what she perceived as my bad behavior to anyone who would listen, including my brother and sister who, for years, listened to her.  She had documented proof in my report cards and letters to her.  Of course she never told them the reason for my bad grades and letters.  That was kept secret for decades until after her death when I finally spoke up. 
          The point here is she lived a life full of much of what she inflicted on me.  I now know that she did not know, because she was so broken, that what she did to me was inflicted on her growing up.  She never made the connection.  If she did she quickly put it aside, like many difficult things in her life. Perhaps in me she saw something of herself?  Perhaps she was told that the hardships she endured were part of growing up, and perhaps love?  Perhaps in her mind she was trying to make me stronger and show me love?  Twisted as it is that is part of how I reconcile the suffering.
          Despite all of this I do have good memory's of her.  In order to have these memory's I needed to first accept the suffering associated with her.  She shared her love of plants and gardening.  She had an old ancient sewing machine that she would sew flannel pjs for me on.  I loved these, she would make them in my favorite color, red.  Because of this memory I now sew.  She gave me my first pair of nylons.  She took one week over a thanksgiving vacation to teach me how to make the perfect pie crust.  Put importance on keeping a clean kitchen.  And taught me how to make gravy which I can say with absolute certainty, because I have been told by more than I can now count, is probably the best gravy anyone has ever tasted.  Above everything else she has given me is the voice in my head today.  Its all about the gravy.
          My grandmother had a very small cramped kitchen.  When I was finally old enough to enter the kitchen to help her, and my mother, they would put me to work making, well stirring really, the gravy.  And stirring the gravy, and stirring, and stirring and stirring.  It was while stirring the gravy that I got to observe what was going into it.  Similar to my other grandma, learning recipes from this one was a pinch of this a smidgeon of that.  This grandmother did something very important that my other did not however, before she added a spice she would hold the bottle up to my nose to smell, tell me what it was called and put a little on my tongue.  Invaluable education for a cook.
          My grandmother did teach me some important life lessons with out realizing it.  Gravy is like life, you stir and stir and stir.  Adding this, adding that, observing for long periods of time while life bubbles, bringing down the heat so that nothing burns or lumps up, making sure that the heat is always exactly right, the stirring never stops, adding bits of spice to make it more interesting.  Using some drippings from other ingredient's to bring more life. The gravy is then added to the rest of the meal making it all just...more.  In the end, there is a feeling that is as close to perfection as there can be.  Its all about the gravy.
          We often learn what we should not do from out role models.  Outside the kitchen she  taught me that while saving money is important you cant take it with you.  My grandmother passed pretty well off, but never enjoyed it for herself, or enjoyed sharing in her hard work. 
          I learned that change is good.  Yes change is scary, but if you cant get past the fear of it nothing ever happens in your life.  Most importantly I learned about honesty, and what secrets should be always shared.  I learned that monsters really do live under some peoples bed and those are the ones to be afraid of and ask for help.  These lessons defined me as a parent and social worker.
          To this day I can share that I still sometimes struggle with my own scars, but they are mostly healed now thanks to putting love first, and knowing clearly what love is, how to share it, and how to keep it.  Would I have that information with out her?  I was a Social Worker and the hardest thing to do is help anyone reconcile what life deals to some and not others. To help them heal and be better because of their suffering.  This work has helped me with my suffering, so to a certain extent, she must be the reason I became a successful social worker.
          I believe that we all walk a path.  Some call it fate, some say its chance, I, like Forrest Gump, believe its some where in-between.  If this woman in my life had not been there showing me what ever she showed me would I be where I am today?  Would I be who I am?  And more importantly because of my life experiences I choose to go out and make sure others lives were, are, better, to give them something I never received.  Choices. Compassion. I am older now and choice's I make are mine.  I feel strong, confident, compassionate, and rarely morn the loss of my childhood.  What I do now is remember the happy times, like making gravy.  Because life is like gravy.  Its all about the gravy.
Emaho Peace out

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Robert Kirkman
“You tell me I have to crush a field of babies to keep breathing? Sure. You say people who rely on me aren't going to live unless I turn someone's head into a bowl of gravy? I'm there. I don't feel bad about it. I don't think about it. It just is what it is. It's survival.”
Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead, Vol. 26: Call to Arms

Friday, September 16, 2016

A Place For Everything (Anna): The Voices Inside My Head

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  C.S. Lewis
“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ”
C.S. Lewis
tags: family     

There are many voices in my head.  No I do not talk back to them or with them.  They are the little sayings, teachings if you will, passed to me from generations before, that I have remembered most of my life.  Many of these voices have no body to them now; but they have been reincarnated in me.  Leaving Karma.  So begins a series of short blogs called The Voices In My Head.  Enjoy :)


          My dads mother was named Anna.  Of all the people in my life she enters my mind the most.  She fascinated me and for this fascination left me with many life lessons.  The stories I heard of her and my grandfather life while they were young, growing up, and married are sketchy at best.  I learned what I know of her, and her life, by watching her and listening to her.  A true role model.
          Anna's house was full of memories.  There was a china cabinet crammed full with small items collected through out her life.  Valuable only to her.  I remember watching her dust and polish them with loving care almost every time I visited her.  She had a shoebox, kept in a closet with a dark wooden door, next to the china, cabinet full of greeting cards sent to her, over decades, by family and friends near and far.  The fireplace mantle in the front sitting room had photos, small dolls and watches under glass, a chiming mantle clock, and every holiday decorations that she had treasured for a life time, sometimes more than one lifetime.  Entering any of these rooms unattended by an adult as a child was forbidden, but she made sure to take frequent visits with me.
         The furniture through out the whole house was always the same.  Polished, clean, and comfortable.  She had a prized feather bed with ropes holding it in place, not a box spring.  Boxes full of jewelry, all valuable to her which she passed on to me and my cousin of the same age.
         My Aunts room was still the same from when she had moved out decades before which we were allowed to look, from the doorway, in awe, at the desk where my aunt, one of the first five women to attend Wayne State University's Law school in her time, the first female lawyer in our family.  There was a wooden banister which, as a child, I was allowed to try and slide down; even though I found that getting to the bottom was not as fun as it looked in the movies.  
          My Grandmother passed on cooking recipes that were passed to her.  Learning these gave a new meaning to patience, a pinch of this, a smidgeon of that.  From her I learned that a family recipe didn't mean that it had to stay exactly the same from generation to generation, it could be changed and improved upon, but the root always stayed the same.  Her home, and make no doubts about it, it was her home, my grandfather had enormous respect for that fact, was always full of warmth and good smells.
          I would sit closely next to her, snuggled under her arm on the back porch, which had been converted into a "TV" room, while she watched what ever was on the black and white TV and crocheted.  She taught me how to crochet, what can only be described now as, a worm.  Just a long chain which she glued two googly eyes onto to make me feel successful at my first crocheting attempt. 
          There were candy jars always filled on the two tables flanking the old well worn, well loved, comfy couch we sat on, which, when my dad wasn't looking, she would share with us.  One jar was always filled with a sweet which was just for her, chocolate covered cherries, Mary Janes, or Chocolate covered toffee.  Each of her grandchildren sneaked a piece of her candy from time to time, and she knew it.
          As I grew there were no more snuggles, no more candy.  She was old country and believed in showing love through strength.  Which is why no one in the family new she was so ill.  She struggled with undiagnosed diabetes until 2/3 of her stomach had ulcerated and had to be removed.  Gone was the soft, snuggly, candy giving, warm woman.  As a teen I was recruited by one of my aunts, her eldest daughter, the lawyer, to help my grandmother clean.  I had watched her do this often growing up and was confident I could do what she did.
          The first day, armed with a vacuum and feather duster, I entered the hollowed front sitting room where the mantle, and fireplace, took up the whole east side of the room.  It was with a sense of awe and joy I entered the room, finally, unaccompanied by and adult, able to closely look at everything on the mantle; even getting to touch the precious items with could only be described with, even now, as reverence.  I carefully took each item down and looked them over.  I felt a happiness and joy over what each item represented.  Her, her life, our family, and me. 
         Grandma quietly, with some difficulty shuffled in, her slippers making soft whooshing whispers on the rug.  She quietly, with purpose, and a slight frown on her forehead, stood next to me at the mantle and began to carefully rearrange things back to where she had always had them.  Even though I thought I had already tried so carefully to do so; she new exactly where everything belonged and how they were exactly to be positioned.  Then she said to me, quietly but firmly,"A place for everything and everything in its place."
          At that moment in time, and for the first time I can ever remember, still to this day, I felt irritated with her.  The woman who had warmed so many recesses of my heart had disappointed me.  I felt that I had failed to please her and I was crushed.  It was only later, after I became a wife, mother, and soon to be grandmother, that I understood the importance of her words.
         There is a place in the universe for everything and everyone.  While it is important not to become so attached to anything that we cant readily give it up with kindness and compassion, what we have should be given great care, including ourselves.  None of us are so strong that we don't need someone else's help sometimes.   In giving someone help the helper needs to remember the strength that comes with helping.  We don't help/give to give ourselves personal satisfaction, or power, but to give the other person a peace of mind, to give them strength and power.  Giving help is the easy part, receiving help is something else entirely, especially for a woman who grew up during WW2 and the depression. 
          I think back now and remember everything my grandmother helped me learn about life.  Love, patience, nurturing, respect, and I feel a sense of loss.  How wonderful it would be if we could go back in time and say all the things to the people who made a difference in out lives.  Then I think, she knows.  What she taught is reincarnated in me.  We don't have a lot but what we have is passed down from generation to generation and cared for by each generation.  I don't keep everything in the same place year after year, but everything I do have, the mantle clock that was hers, some knick knacks from her china cabinet, an Antique Ukrainian doll, are kept dearly in my heart and the hearts of my sons.  What she has left me, and my family, is roots, a sense of belonging.  "A place for everything and everything in its place."  Now I get it...

Emaho Namaste Peace out

J.R.R. Tolkien
“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Leo Tolstoy
“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
J.K. Rowling
“Youth can not know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
tags: age, family

Friday, August 19, 2016

Its Beyond My Control

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         Everyday I look for something new.  Something I've never seen, never experienced, someone I've never met.  The older I get the more difficult this seems to be.  I find myself often thinking, "Been there done that."  I try to keep the idea of your never too old to learn alive.  What I learn most from, still, is people, and the challenges they confront, endure and sometimes how it affects me and life in general.
          Lately, and with out going into detail, many family members are going through some pretty life altering challenges.  I try to be supportive by mostly listening.  Trying to only give advice when it is asked for, although, honestly, sometimes I will do it whether it is asked for or not.  Being a mom, and because its just the way I am wired, I have to fight the over whelming urge to rush in and solve problems for the people I care for.  At times this takes a huge emotional toll on me.
          I have very few people I talk with.  I am a fixer and a listener.  I do for people they don't do for me.  Because my inner circle is minute, by choice, finding someone to vent to is an issue sometimes.  If everyone in my inner circle is going through challenges I don't feel that it is my job to add to their challenges, so what do I do?  All this has a point and it will connect so bare with me.
          Recently I took a huge leap of faith and reached out to someone I normally don't.  This person has, on many instances, shared that they would be there should I need them.  In short I took her up on it and it turned out, I can share very happily, to be absolutely true. 
          I learned that reaching out to someone who you normally wouldn't proves exceptionally beneficial.   Not only did I add someone to my inner circle whom I can now trust with many thoughts and feelings that I wouldn't even share with others in my inner circle, but this person gave me some very valuable, nonjudgmental insight. 
          We were able to share our frustrations over certain circumstances that we share which was helpful to both of us.  This person also gave me a fresh perspective on a few things, one of which was very valuable and helpful, which is the point of this blog.  Some wisdom learned and worth sharing for others to benefit from.
          At one point of the conversation, after sharing all that my loved ones were going through, and how utterly helpless I was to do anything but listen and stand by and watch, I said, "I don't understand why all of this is so difficult for me.  I'm Buddhist, I understand the concept of suffering, things beyond my control, and being honest, stating what you feel and backing away from it; but I cant state how I feel under any of these circumstances because it wont help them, it is all beyond my control."
          She looked at me with a little smile and a understanding look in her eyes and said basically that the control rests with me.  How I choose to deal with the circumstances.  I remember looking at her and thinking, how the fuck did I miss that?  (I may have even said it out loud.)  Well I missed it because everything that I am dealing with has to do with people I love. 
          I suddenly remembered some social work advice I use to tell many care givers/parents. They should never advocate for their loved ones, get some else to do it for them.  Share what you want with the advocate and let them speak for you.  Well that advice doesn't exactly apply here, but the feeling they would have when confronted with that choice does. Not being able to do what you really want to do for someone you care for.  It is realizing that you must trust someone else and that things are beyond your control.
          I meditated on this for a few days and I suddenly had an epiphany.  The Pith of the Matter.  It came to me as many things do, in a huge wave of peace and realization.  The old child development phrase.  Gain control by giving control. 
          I believe and tell others, often, maybe too often those close to me may state, that the universe has plans for us and it will push us in the direction we need to go.  Sometimes things feel hard because they are; we need to just push through them until we get it.  Sometimes they are hard because we need to let them go.  Knowing which is which is the hard part.  The only way to know which is which is to keep moving forward until the universe shares which it is.  This feels like an agonizingly slow process sometimes. 
          When dealing with those around you whom you love and care for its pretty obvious which way to go.  You sit back, watch, and wait, for what seems like and eternity.  Sure most of think we have the answers, we've been there, we know exactly what needs to be done; but sometimes the answer is not giving the easy answer.  So instead you meditate, pray, breath, hope, and trust, have faith, what ever faith is to you, and wait.  And wait. And wait... 
          Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could fore see every outcome to a difficult situation?  It would make life so much easier, but we can't.  All we can be sure of is our own behavior.  All we can do, give, is what we all have to offer.  Love, patience, compassion and kindness.  That's it, simple really when you think about it.  Those few simple things give more strength to yourself, and all involved then anything else you can do.  Love really is the answer and that is not beyond your control.
Emaho  Namaste Peace out

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James Frey
“Pain is the feeling. Suffering is the effect the pain inflicts. If one can endure pain, one can live without suffering. If one can withstand pain, one can withstand anything. If one can learn to control pain, one can learn to control oneself. ”
James Frey, My Friend Leonard

Terence McKenna
“Chaos is what we've lost touch with. This is why it is given a bad name. It is feared by the dominant archetype of our world, which is Ego, which clenches because its existence is defined in terms of control.”
Terence McKenna

Steve Maraboli
“The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over.”
Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Its Been Done Before

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Why write about that?  Its been done before.
Why read that?  Its been read before.
Why draw that?  Its been done before.
Why grow that? Its been done before.
Why wear that?  Its been worn before.
Why watch that? Its been seen before.
Why go there?  Everyone does.
Why believe in that?  Everyone does.
Why believe that? No one does.
Why think that?  Everyone does.
Why think that? No one does.
Its all been done, except by you.  The path you walk is yours.
Emaho  Namaste  Peace out

Gautama Buddha
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
Gautama Buddha, Sayings Of Buddha
 Garth Nix
“Does the walker choose the path, or the path the walker?”
Garth Nix, Sabriel
John O'Donohue
“So at the end of this day, we give thanks
For being betrothed to the unknown.”
John O'Donohue
tags: path