School: Your best protection from a zombie attack.

 



  

“My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.”
― Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies     

           If you have been following my blog for the last couple of years it should be no surprise to you that I have strong opinions on...well...alot.  Even if I am nuetral on something I still have a strong opinion on why I am nuetral.  One thing I am very firm in my feelings about is zombies.  Yes...you heard me...zombies.  It is based on facts!  I will explain.
          Thursday nights I have an Astronomy class which is awesome.  Awesome teacher, awesome classmates, all of whom are, of course, younger than me.  It is also a night class, and, even though these people are younger than me, they are mature, and serious about school.  Any who...we are in class on Halloween.  I ask a cute little girl how Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios was.  In the course of the conversation she said she was kinda disappointed by the zombies; describing them as Walking Dead Zombies.  I have to ask old school Walking Dead or new school?  And her friend replies season three.  Awesome response by the way. 
http://www.amctv.com/shows/the-walking-dead/episodes/season-3
          This leads six of us to start discussing zombies.  How they are all over now.  Even childrens commercials have a zombie element to them.  Seariously!  Cereal eating each other?  Watch youll notice it now.  Listening to all the young people talk about zombies, of course, encouraged me to express my opinion on zombies.  I told them that I am old school zombie.  Zombies should shamble slowly while you shoot their face off with a shot gun while running away gracefully, and eventually being able to drive 50 miles and hour away from them.  But now!?!  They are super charged, ODing on monster, zombies!
          I told them that my eldest encouraged me recently to watch World War Z.  He said Brad Pit is in it!  Its good youll like it.  I said but it has new school zombies in it and I dont like them...they kinda creep me out.  He said its not that bad I will like it.  So I watched it....the night before getting on a plane. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4tRW6k4sos
Here it is so you understand what Im talking about in case you havnt seen the movie..
          So I walk to the bathroom on the plane, the steward is standing by the bathrooms and I ask him if he could please open the bathroom and look inside for me.  He looks at me funny.  I told him I saw World War Z last night and asked if he has seen it.  He said no...well I said, you should; go home and watch it then you will understand why I am asking you to open the door for me.  He looked at me funny and I opened the door by myself; prepared to slam the door shut in a hurry.  Good news..no zombie.
I grew up watching the old black and white Children Shouldnt Play With Dead Things.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hm8elaYH7c4
The old Night of the Living Dead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TAGtIQvebs
          In their day trust me they were scarey for what they were.  An element of reality was not needed to make them more scarey as far as I am concerned.
          AND something else to think about!  Old school zombies couldnt climb walls like insects on meth!  Our family use to have a zombie apocalypse plan!  We were going to build a huge ass wall with barb wire that was wired for electricity that all the men could walk while sporting big ass weapons that did killing damage to zombies.  Not that that would be a problem cause zombies dont climb!  I would grow a garden, keep chickens, and beef of course, have countless deep freezers for mountain dew, monster, and green chili.  Life would be good.  Our family has electricians, computer nerds, gamers, bone speicalists, pharmacists, sports persons, boy scouts, social workers, mechanics.  SHIT we were going to populate the world.  They would make a movie about us!!  THEN this happens!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdXsrL2zSWU
          WHAT THE HELL!!!  The only way to supposedly stay safe now is to be on a boat in the middle of the ocean!  I am now trying to convince my hubby to purchase a boat under the ruse that we live in Florida, and we are close to retirement, so we should fish like all good retired persons in Florida.  He says we are not retired now.  WTF HUSBAND!!!  We need to prepare for the zombie apocalypse!!!  Water is the only place to be safe now...until the next movie where the zombies adapt to water. 
          WHICH btw also makes no sense!  They are undead!!! How can they adapt for crying out loud!?!  DOES THIS GENERATION NOT UNDERSTAND ZOMBIES?  sigh....(I am now flashing back to the silly little girl in philosophy who asks why, if humans are animals, we cant each other...may be she knew something we didnt?  Wondering if she is still on campus and now starting to think that I should make her my new BFF.)
          NOW the only way we can be safe is to inject ourselves with a lethal desease because zombies need a healthy host.  BUT THEYRE DEAD doesnt that imply that they are unhealthy?!?!  Why should it matter?
          As with all my blogs I have provided helpful information, and tools, to make you more successful in dealing with zombies.  I suggest you take this seriously.  The way its looking, from the movie industrys point of view, there is little hope for our surviva;l but I keep the the opinion that the more you know the stronger you are.  Just keep yourself up to date on zombies...evidently old school zombies dont exsist anymore.  We are all doomed..doomed I say.
http://www.nerdtests.com/mq/uttake.php?id=58400
http://www.collegehumor.com/picker/6830580/zombie-apocalypse-picker
http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/guy_gear/zombie-apocalypse-survival-guide.html
AND may I also suggest that, if you dont already, you start playing all those zombie apocolypse killing counsel games.  Any practice is better than none.  Be prepared though they are gruesome.
What am I saying?  It has zombies in it?  Of course its grusome!

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

 

“Often, a school is your best bet-perhaps not for education but certainly for protection from an undead attack.”
― Max Brooks, The Zombie Survival Guide