I hate the idea of placing blame. To me it serves no purpose, well no good one anyways. But its interesting how blame will creep into your life when your not looking. Seriously. Things get stressfull and hectic and before you know it you, or a loved one, is looking for some one to be accountable. Blame. Recently I found my self doing it. Gasp! I know! Whats worse is the whole time I told my self I was completely justified. I mean some one has to be blamed right? Wrong. This is what I figured out. As usual I will start with a story.
There are three stressful times during a school year for everyone I beleive. The first two weeks of school while you are adjusting to the schhedule, the instructors, and the work load. Mid terms, self explanatory I think; and then finals, once again no detail needed. Never fails during these three times of the year when I feel that my loved ones should be a little more supportive then usual all hell will break loose. Not kidding hell. People loose jobs, cars break down, there isnt enough money, people need money, people get sick, dogs get sick etc. etc. So during times where I feel I should be able to take a slight break from the day to day maintenance of the house etc. I instead end up taking on more then I bargained for. I dont say then I can handle, because in all honesty Im a little selfish that way. I like to be/feel successful so I usually only do as much as I know I can deal with. BUT never fails; I still become over tired, stressed, grouchy, then inevitably pissed off and start looking for some one to blame. Who unfortunetly, and as in all good marriages, ends up being my hubby.
If you think I am writing this as a form of apology you would be kind a right. But it is mostly a form of praise. Who else can look at me, lovingly, and tell me Im being a bitch and to "f" off? Uh no one but him and get away with it. ;) Yes I am not perfect. And in all the blogs where I try to make my self look as such this one is here to remind me that I am not. I am human. I feel sorry for my self some times. I feel like the world is dealing me all the shit it can find and to test me for what? Well I cant remember and dont feel like trying to remind my self. But then my ever loving of 31 years comes along and will evnetually remind me. It usually doesnt start off pretty but by the end I remember.
Yes I hate to blame. In the end I think we get angry and look for someone else to blame because quite frankly it is far easier then blaming our selves. In every circumstance, whether it is good or bad, how those circumstances get dealt with, how we choose to look at them is up to us. So ultimately if things feel shitty it is our fault. I have stated before it is human nature to feel tired, burnt out etc. with life in general. I am going through a phase where I kinda dislike people. And why? Well because I am tired. Trying to stay optimistic, and praising most of the time is hard. Add feeling physically not 100% on top of it and your world can go to crap in a hurry.
During these times I feel it is necessary that we hold onto the people we love and our spirituality. So time for me to go meditate on the assholes of the world who insist on making it so difficult for the rest of us and turn that last statement into the universe is great and large and in it we are less then a speck. I will drop the "I". Everything works out the way it is suppose to in the end. We go from fighting the good fight for 50 years to finally realizing that that particular fight has ended and a new one is beginning. We wonder if we will have the energy that we had the first 50. Then when the blame ends we realise that yes the second half may be even a more full filling fight and that we are not alone. For me I have my hubby and he has me. He has been and always will be the constant love in my life. That love keeps me centered and whole. The Pith of the Matter? Meh...I think I need to explain it to you in further detail do you?
Love you honey!
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