Act Your Age: Trevon and Aegism

 

 

 

 

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.”
― C.S. Lewis        

           I really dislike that phrase grow up and act your age.   I use it sparingly.  I think it is one of those comments that many people throw out there but really dont understand its meaning and the implications of its meanings.  
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/act?s=t
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/age?s=t
I have said it to my kids, rarely, but it has been said.   I use it when I think a wake up call needs to be made.   Something along the lines of you keep on bucking the system, which I have respect for, but you are doing it in a selfish, self centered way that suggests you are owed something...grow up, it doesnt work that way...you want something to change?  Then be the change; stop complaining about others around you who are not changing, that is not what its all about.  Any whoooo....the universe once again layed a series of events at my feet for me to think about.   So I praise your petience with my line of story telling.
         Years ago, when we lived in New Mexico, I use to give trainings to persons in the child care field.   These covered a variety of topics, emergency preparedness, curriculum, classroom management, how to discipline, praise, stages of development and a few others.  Technically these all go hand in hand and in order to run an effective child care everyone coming in contact with children, parents included, should know the details of these topics.
http://www.ahdaycare.com/daycare_checklist.htm
         I remember the trainings I did based on how I performed.  I would give out feed back questionairs at the endof each training, I valure constructive crtisism.   WHile I found the feed back valueable what I remember most are the questions that persons asked of me during training and how I responded.   I was careful to observe how someone responded/ reacted to my answer; it was a learning tool for me.  I felt then, and still do feel, that how I respond to a question is what defines me, in my book, as a good teacher. Ive written, and said out loud, many times before, is that it is ok not to know an answer to every thing.  Saying I dont know but I can find out for you, or teaching some one how to find the answer themselves can gain you far more respect then pretending to know all the answers.   There are a couple of times that I felt that I did give some pretty good answers and Im going to share the details of one of those times for a reason that will, as always, become clear as you read on.
          One time during a training we were discussing adolescence with the school age teachers and how some of the older children, who were coming to child care, could be incorporated into classroom helpers of sorts.  These older kids were embarrassed to come to child care and more often than not would use bad behavior while there.  The younger kids looked up to them so, before you know it, you had a whole bunch of kids, from 5 to 13, behaving badly.  BUT if the older kids, starting around 11, were allowed to have certain responsibilitys that engaged them in the running of their environment, and these responsibilitys were viewed as privledges reserved for the older, well behaved kids, then the classroom had a tendancy to run smoother.  
          This conversaton led, some how, I cant exactly remember, to the caregivers in charge of the school age kids which were more often than not adolescents themselves.  Child cares have a tendancy to put their youngest employees, persons usually in there 20s in charge of the school age group, which actually I dont have a huge issue with as long as they are mature enough to deal with all the issues that arise with this stage of development.  Unfortunetly these young teachers usually are not trained, and are put with this age group because the directors of child cares think its a good idea to have some one close to the kids age, some one who is full of energy, and enthusiasm, working with the schoool age group.  Being untrained and just thrown into this age group can cause many problems, poor disciplining, poor classroom boundaries, disorganization, high levels of frustration, failures (not mistakes where some one is learning) and an inevitable a high turn over in teachers.  Sad.   The person who brought up this problem was a Director of a center and was expressing her frustration at these young kids (whom she hired by the way) who come in to work and end up doing a poor job.  She was frustrated and didnt want to hire young people anymore, she had had enough.
http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/behavioral-problems/39350.html
http://www.focusonyouth.com/pdfs/Understanding%20Adolescent%20Behavior.pdf
          Well...I started off getting input from other directors on their positive experiences in hiring and working with younger employees.   This led to the pros of having some portion of the staff that is younger.  Then I politely pointed out if anyone remembered being young and their first experiences in looking for a job?  How did it feel wanting to find experience in what they wanted to do in life but being turned away because of their age.  (Many of the young people who look for jobs in child care actually want to make a career in working with children and familys.)
          Adolescents have to work at least twice as hard as anyone else to find a job that they really want.  Then they have to pay closer attention, then most of us, at how they behave in order to keep their job.   More often than not they are faced with employers that have no petience with their learning curve.   Well I didnt make a whole lot of friends with that statement, I inadvertantly pointed out some flaws that some directors had in dealing with their staff...oops oh well.
  http://www.shrm.org/about/foundation/products/documents/onboarding%20epg-%20final.pdf   (note:  I included this site because I believe that every one is capable of performing almost any job.  But individual assessment needs to be taken into consideration.  You cannot treat everyone the same and expect the same results; the public school system has already shown us that that thinking does not work.)
         I also pointed out that as child care providers, and child development experts,  (which is what the Director is suppose to be.)  if we wanted to be taken seriously in our field then it was part of our duty to not only educate the public, but to also ensure that our staff is very well educated.  The staff reflects the center, and the center is always a reflection of the director.  Truth.   If a center genuinly believes, supports, and advocates knowledge in all stages of development choosing to not hire some one in there 20s due to lack of experience goes against what the center stands for.   The younger teachers needed mentors, simple as that.  Which leads me to my next thought in this whole process and the real reason for this blog.
          There is a discriminization that everyone uses and is rarely ever aware of; it is that of age discrimination.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_discrimination
I find my self in an interesting place in my life which I never bargained for; this has opened up, again, another area of advocacy.   Being over the age of 50 many employers look at that age and think a multitude of things.   You are old and set in your ways, if the supervisor is younger than you they are uncomfortable with this age gap, they usually want employees that are younger than them and wont question anything.   They think that because you are with out a job that their must be something wrong with you.   Like an adolescent you are treated with an attitude that you are lazy, uneducated OR that because of your extensive experience they cant afford you, you are over qualified.  Bleh!  Wiping spittle off monitor.  (A note here, I do not put my birth date and/or age down on my resume or applicatin, it is not relevant to how I perform my job.  My experience, education, job history, and personal performance is the only thing relevant.)
         This attitude actually presents itself in many environments.   Colleges and Universitys predominently teach towards the younger person.  Many instructors do not understand how to teach the returning student who has been out of school for at least 10 years and has a different level of wisdom and experience.  The older student, and employee, do not fit into the book learning mold.   Most of us have done some schooling and have bilt upon what we learned through experience bringing a completely different level of wisdom to the classroom and work place.
  http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/advantages-disadvantages-older-adults-college-6562.html
         For instance, I explained to a math instructor once who was trying to gain my support in his explaination to the younger students how math will be impoatnat in everyday life.  Well some of it I agree'd with, but I also explained how taking statistics really was not going to be used in y career.   He asked what that was, I shared Social Work and he tried to explain how I would use it.  I said that I had already been working in the field for 25+ years and never used that math in any shape or form...The wisdom of some one older, and an example of how the norm does not recognize individuals and their needs to be successful.
         Heres another interesting aspect of ageism that I have come across alot of lately.   If you are over the age of 40 some how it is inappropriate to socialize with persons who are under the age of 35....not kidding.  AND if you are ver 50 well then everyone should be around your own age or some how you are not acting...well...your age?!?!   Again BLEH!
          THEN if you engage in some kind of activity that is viewed as being something too young for you well forget i;t any chance at being percieved with respect by some persons with in yout age group is completely diminished if not gone completely.   Which I don't unerstand?   Should we stop doing something we enjoy just because some one else thinks we are too old?
          I have many friends who are my own age and younger.  I dont have any that are older because I have not had the opportunity...which thinking of now I should find the opportunity.   I have been told on a couple of occasions that one-having friends that are younger is wierd, and two- that the mothers of some of my younger firends think it is rediculous that I am friends with their kids...who by the way are in their late thirties and fourties.   Here is what I want to say about that, not only for my benefit but to once again increase everyones tolerance and compassion towards humankind in general.
          I personally do not go looking for frends who are solely with in my age group.  I search for persons who are with in the same mind set, who share, for the most part, the same morals, values, intellegence, perceptions, hobbys, etc.   I think everyone, no matter what age, socioeconomic background, race, gender, spirituality, has some thing of interest to offer and I dont want to limit my field of knowledge and understanding.  So when you make a comment to me that I am some how less of a person for respecting persons who are not my age, and choosing to have valuable relasionships with them that I feel everyone benefits from it is not a reflection on me but a reflection on who you are.   When I hear something of this kind I think that the person making it is prejudice...how sad.
          Here is something else to consider.   Stages of development do not end at adolescence!  They continue our whole lives, hence the need for the field of human development.   Our whole lives we are progressing as human beings, changing, learning.  Our WHOLE lives!!   Who siad that once we hit a certain age it suddenly becomes a mid life crises to be interested in computer gaming?  Canoeing?  Going to music concerts?  (and not just the bands that we grew up with?)  Driving a bright red V8 mustang?  Or riding a motorcycle to work everyday?  Who said that suddenly anyone of any age is incapable of learning something new?   If that last statement is true then why are we here?  What is our purpose in life as we get older?  TO sit back and watch the younger generation rule the world?  A younger generation, by the way, that many of us criticize for their lack of experience?   So we dont take the time to guide them into experience and they wont listen to ours.  For crying out loud...sometimes I truley weep for the human race, especially Americans.  In many other countrys around the world each generaton is valued for what they have to offer and it is this perspecitve that has made many cultures exsistence possible for thousands of years.   Respect.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_development
http://voices.yahoo.com/stages-development-changes-adolescence-through-1277951.html
          I am going to remind everyone that prejudice, and discrimination, arise out of fear and ignorance.  It is true.  The real reasons for anyone not learning about something, or somebody, is fear.  Fear of change.   We become so comforatable in our own little isolated world that we forget that theirs are many worlds within, and with out, our own with many different lives, and ways of living.  I still maintain that one of our real reasons for being here is to learn as much about everyone, and every environment, as possible and then spread this knowledge to whom ever will listen. 
          Here is something else for you to ponder.  I know not everyone listens to me.  My voice does not speak to everyone, but what if yours does speak to someone who doesnt hear mine?   What if by limiting who we choose to know because of race, gender, spirituality, education, monetary and or AGE differences we are limiting how we change the world?   If we choose to live by one perspective only then change is not taking place.  We dont open ourselves to learning.  
          So what is the Pith of the Matter?   I refer to facebook again because I know many of you who read this also have face book accounts and share your information through face book, which is great!  Gets more information to a greater amount of people with in a shorter amount of time.   Lately there have been alot of posts of racism thanks to the Trevon Martin case.   I want to change your perspective on this.  
          The true prejudice underlying all the misunderstanding of every group is the age gap.   Trevon Martin was an adolescent who was misunderstood for the way he looked NOT because of his color but his AGE!!!   There are many younger persons walking around out there who scare the shit out of older persons because of the way they look and it has NOTHING to do with the color of their skin!!       https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_gap
         My eldest son for example sports many tattoos, has long hair, a beard, and is a huge guy.  He is intimidateing looking until you get to know him then you find out what an intellegent, compassionate guy he is   He is testing the perceptions of everyone he comes in contact with.  He is a walking talking lesson for morality and values.  He questions the boundaries of the norm.   We are not what we look like!  We are something beyond, and above, appearances and everytime anyone suggests other wise it is a HUGE disrespect to all of us!   We all need to grow up, act our age and respect what ever that deffinition of age means individually to each one of us. 
 http://www.usm.maine.edu/sites/default/files/Department%20of%20Sociology/Act%20your%20age.pdf
         In closing I want to share the following.   I feel compassion for any of you who have made the comment to me, and others, that we need to grow up.  I suspect there is a certain amount of jealousy for the fact that you wish you were also doing some things that the norm percieves as inappropriate behavior for your age group.  But I, personally,  have never subscribed to a social group whos beliefs encourage limitations.  I believe none of us have limitations and we are all possible of doing what ever we put our minds to at what ever age you are.  Limitations are individual deffinitions based on our own individual physical limitations, which are real, and/or mental, intellectual, and emotional limitations, which can feel real, but more often than not are unreal.  So with that said I want to pose a couple final questions to you?   What age are you behaving?  How do you know it is appropriate developmentally?  Is it apporpriate or limiting?  How do you know?  If you cant answer these then you have already instilled limtations, but only on yourself...not me, or your kids, or anyone else.   You cant set limits and then expect change.

“Youth can not know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

 

“Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
― Alfred Tennyson, Idylls of the King and a Selection of Poems