― Jodi Picoult, Vanishing Acts
I think that if we dont pay close enough attention we miss what the universe is trying to teach us. I also think that the lessons dont usually come in brief,"Holy fuck!" moments for the most part. I think when the universe wants us to really absorb something it teaches us through a series of random events that we are suppose to piece together. So... if your really not paying any attention and not giving any thought to your day to day life you could miss...well...life and what we are meant to learn, and teach, and share.
Being Buddhist I am focused on the idea of Karma alot. Ive blogged about it before I know, but it is a never ending developing concept. In its simplest form it is do unto others as you would have them do unto you; or be kind to everyone. Simple, easy rules for everyone to abide by even if you are not Buddhist. But for the Buddhist Karma is an intricate part of day to day life. It requires thought, and an active, involved participation. It is giving thought to the quote,"Is fate getting what you deserve, or deserving what you get?" http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fate?s=t
I am responsible for my Karma only; not any one elses. Karma is kinda like your soul. Christians focus on the soul and making sure it reaches heaven. Buddhists focus on their Karma and making sure that they eventually reach nirvana and end the cycle of reincarnation. In christianity God is the light, in Buddhism I am the light. Before anyone starts screaming blasphamy this means that I am responsible to me for my choices in life. Karma. This idea has evolved for me lately and it is after a few random events that I finally am able to put it into words.
The first event is my son and his wife have moved out of state. They are progressing forward in their life and building their life together. Making and defining their own family. I have found myself in a strange place. While I am very happy for them I feel a loss. I am truley done being a mother to this son. He doesnt need me any more. I have been a mother for 27 years; while I have had other occupations being a parent has been the longest one. I have never changed professions in this area, have never been fired, have never quit, and have, for the most part, loved every minute of it. I guess the feeling is the empty nest syndrome? http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/empty-nest-syndrome
Even though he has not been living at home for some years now, and has been with his wife for about 3 years; this time he will be far away. A huge part of my life has been caring for and protecting my sons. He is truley able to provide that to himself and his wife, and they will do this for each other now. Exactly what we strived for from the day he was born. Bare with me here, this will tie into Karma trust me.
The next event is I have reestablished my relationship with my sister after having a few years of no commuhnication. This is a very good thing. But in all honesty it has gotten me to thinking about family things that I have chossen not to think about for sometime. Which is also not such a bad thing also. You know how it is though...so much easier to not think about them and /or deal with them.
Then I watched two movies. Both very good and which I highly recommmend everyone watching. One is a documentary called Hitlers Children.
http://www.moviefone.com/movie/hitlers-children/10081760/main This movie shows how the deeds, and atrocitys, of Hitlers top leaders of the Nazi regime left a horrble legacy for their familys. Actual children, grand children, nieces and nephews talk about how bearing the names of such notorious persons has effected their lives.
The second movie is This Must Be the Place with Sean Penn. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1440345/
This is a great movie.
So what do they all have in common? Well Ill tell you. :) One of the reasons that I relate to Buddhism is because it is actually scientific and factual.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS2Y1wmg9f8
YES the parables and legends of how Buddhism originated are just that. (Much like the teachings in the Bibles.) They are lengthy and repetitive. But like all great spiritual based literature they do have protions of extreme insight and knowledge that stand the test of time. It has been scientifically proven however that the ideas of meditations, compassion, and life style are good for individuals and societys. It has worked for thousands of years and continues to do so. So when I think, read, and investigate ideas behind Buddhism I like to find the reality of the ideas behind the parables, teachings, and legends. So lets take Karma. Here are some sites for you to check out.
http://www.buddhanet.net/tib_heal.htm
http://www.kagyu.org/kagyulineage/buddhism/
http://viewonbuddhism.org/karma.html
Condensed these all explain that Karma is what encourages us to live a healthy, full filled life. Use compassion, kindness toward all living things. Do no harm to yourself and/ or others. If we live a life full of addictions, suffering, and attachemetns then we are destined to be reincarnated and try again. This goes on until we get it right. Sounds very superstitious doesnt it? All full of mysticism, legends and rumor. But I recently figured something out that is based on real life.
When we have children we are technically reincarnated. Portions of us are given to our children; not only physical features but also morals and values. We are the role models, and teachers, of life to and for our children. This is a fact that I have seen often in child development and social work. Generations of familys with addicaiotns, abuse, neglect, low education, poverty etc. These lifestyles are reincarnated generation after generation. We pass this on to our children. If we never try to learn for ourselves how to not repeat the mistakes that came before us, the things that were taught to us, reincarnated in us, we are destined to do it again and again. Makes sense doesnt it?
While I was watching Hitlers Children I was especially struck by the grandson of...I cant remember which concentration camp commendant. (Which is good, need to leave some mystery to the movie for you.) This grandson was wracked with guilt. Simply by inheriting the name of his grandfather he inherited the crimes. He didnt beleive in anything that his grandfather did and was appalled by it all. The fact that some one who was responsible for his life was such a monster was surreal to him. The other part of this that struck me was actually pretty obvious. The grandson, and others of the movie talked about the generational abuse; physical, mental and emotional. A couple of people suggested that it was a mind set that was passed from generation to generation. Bad Karma reincarnated by choice and it was the people in the movie who were trying to change that. Alter their Karma.
During one portion of the movie the grandson was speaking to a group of young jewish people, many of whom looked at him with hate, one of which stood up, and said through tears, that his grand father was responsible for exterminateing her family. He could not reply to this; how could anyone reply to this? But then a concentration camp surviver, an elderly man walked up to him, numbers tattooed on his arm, walking with a cane, came up to the grandson and hugged him and said its not your fault,"Tell them its not your fault" he said to the grandson. The grandson broke down and sobbed. Karma.
In that moment it occured to me how much worse so many of us could have it. For all the horrible suffering that I inherited from my family it occured to me that how I choose to handle it is my Karma. How I choose to live, despite that knowledge, is my Karma. How my son and his wife choose to live their lives is their Karma. What matters is living a life full of love and compassion. Do not harm.
In the movie This Must Be The Place Sean Penn, Cheyenne, is a burnt out rock star living a humorous and quirky lifestyle. The movie takes an interesting turn when his father, that he hasnt spoken to in 30 years, dies. Cheyenne goes back for the funeral and takes up his fathers life quest of finding the German officer who was in charge of Cheyennes fathers concentration camp. I am not going to give away the ending but this is a must see movie also. Towards the end of the movie Cheyenne has a phone coversation with someone who tells him that,"pain is not a destination." Karma.... When we choose to repeat the mistakes of our parents we are reincarnated into a life that the people before us did not learn from. While the mistakes that they made are not suppose to effect us, when we repeat them, we make the consciouse choice to let them. Their mistakes were and/or are their Karma. Us repeating them is our Karma.
If we fill our lives with nothing but pain, (suffering) and look at life as being full of nothing but pain we will live and die with that Karma. If we have children and we teach that life style to them they might repeat what they learned form us. Yes their Karma, but ours also. Technically we did them harm by teaching them that lifetysle...our Karma. How long will patterns of generational abuse go on before it ends? In New Mexico the words mi familia are used often with in an interesting social structure....gangs. Many gangs have generations of familys in them, grandfathers, fathers, uncles, sons, grandsons, including the women also. Mi familia reincarnates violence as a lifestyle.
Many familys, all over the United States, pass on their legacy of living off the governing system of welfare and food stamps. You can tell who these familys are because they are very adapt at collecting from the system while still benefitting from school, careers, relationships etc. They were taught, in more familys then you realize since the start of welfare, that taking additional funds from the government is something that they deserve under any and all circumstances. They were taught and choose to reincarnate the addictive mind set of victimization. AND while they will aknowledge the fact that they have the same opportunitys as many of us to live a different life they have been taught, even brain washed that this is not possible for their family. Karma. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/victimization?s=t
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/addiction?s=t
I think that if we are aware that we are humans with everything good, and bad, that goes with it we understand that not only are we cabable of greatness we also, more often than not, may not reach it. But on the other hand what is the deffintion of greatness? Isnt it a matter of perception that should be left up to each individual? My father told me once that we are all on this earth to help each other. We may only touch one persons. We may never know who that person will be but it is the reason for always being loving and compassionate. Karma. It truely does begin at home. We want to send our children out into the world to do good things. If they help others, have good morals and values, are compassionate and selfless then we have used good Karma. We are on the path of Nirvana and the cycle of reincarnation ends.
SO I paid attention to what the universe showed me through a series of events and this is what I have concluded. Will I miss my son and his wife? Yes most certainly. Do I beleive that they will live a life full of love and compassion with out mine and my husbands guidance? Yes. Was I a perfect parent? No. Did I live a life of good intentions always giving love and compassion. Mostly. Do our sons know right from wrong, even if the wrong was done by their parent? Yes. Did we teach them that everyones mistakes are their own and that mistakes, whether ours or some one elses, are there to teach us? Yes. In this list is there anything else that I was suppose to teach them? No. These few simple rules will, and have, taught our sons to be outstanding human beings. They make good choices. They learn from their mistakes. They surround themselves with good people. They go out into the world and make a difference. Because they know all of this they are successful human beings by any diffinition. Karma. In knowing and realizing this I finally understand that what I lived as a child was not my Karma. My Karma has gone out into the world and made it better. After sharing this ask youself now. Is fate getting what you deserve? Or deserving what you get? What is your perspective?
“it is impossible to build one's own happiness on the unhappiness of others. This perspective is at the heart of Buddhist teachings.”
― Daisaku Ikeda
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