“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia
I dont think that I have written anything where I have not mentioned compassion. It got me to thinking that it is time to define this. Compassion is at the for front of aquiring good Karma, which I have blogged about a few times so I wont rehash that. (and a sigh of relief is heard from all my readers ;P ) I do want to make sure that everyone who reads my thoughts understands what I mean when I talk about compassion. So lets get at what it means to be compassionate exactly shall we.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/compassion?s=t
Here is the deffinition for compassion but I am also going to include sympathy, and sorrow. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sympathy?s=t http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sorrow?s=t
Basically the common thread in these is feelings. Since everyones feelings are there own compassion is individual also. It could be said that using compassion towards someone means opening your self up to feeling something for them. It means understanding their suffering, feeling their sorrow and being sympathetic. SO in order to feel compassion you have to be open to feeling.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/feelings?s=t
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=feelings
In Buddhism there is always alot of talk about compassion. We are percieved as being kind, helpful and loving to everyone no matter what we face in life. We are portrayed with flowers in hand, long white robes, bald, sitting in meditation, pondering the atrocitys of the world, and/or lovingly helping everyone, even those who deserve no help by any ones deffinition. (Usually in an airport...well befor 911 anyways.) This is only paritally true.
YES when there are events happening in the world, or our personal lives, we meditate. Clearning your mind gives you the answers that were, in all reality, already there but were unable to come forward because we were caught up in our emotions, suffering. I am not bald, infact few Buddhists that I know are. (Im actually quite attached to my head of hair.) We do try to help those that accept it, BUT, we dont force ourselves on to others lives because we know that if some one does not want help, love, and compassion, then it will do no good to force it. Many of us do eat some meat, but mostly vegatables not only because we value life, but because we knw that caring for our body is directly related to caring for our minds, and our minds care for our feelings. Many of us also have tattoos. This actually became popular in the United States, which, depending on who and what you read, some purist Buddhists take issue with. But us Americans always need to be different. My tattos are original expressions of me and my spirituality; they are tied into Buddhism and are talismans for me. I do not think I have disfigured my body. While I feel I can loose some weight I love my body as a whole and love the art that some great artists have agree'd to letting me be their canvas.
http://www.how-to-meditate.org/
When I say we take care of ourselves this has another idea behind it other than what we put into our body through food and drink. It also includes out thoughts and who we choose to include in our circle of friends. This is not done with selfishness, but with the intent of selflessness. Some times choosing to continue a relationship is selfish. Good Karma is not being produced for either people involved when you stay in a bad relationship. When I fire a friend it is because I know, in my heart and soul, that I have given ending the relationship much thought (meditation). I have given it everything in my power to make it successful and it still is not.
Sometimes, yes, I feel like I have failed, but then I understand the greater lesson of life. In a world of people we are not all going to get along. BUT on the flip side of that understanding I will make every attempt to not speak ill of the person. I try to stay compassionate towards the person who I have choosen to not include in my circle. WHo am I to say if the way they live is right or wrong? I only know it doesn' mesh well with my choices. Yes, I am not perfect, and when I am feeling hurt I say things that I later regret. I work almost every day at making my speech authentic, loving, honest and compassionate. I am sure that if anything keeps me from Nirvana it will be my words, which I always feel the need to express. However on the flip side of that comes in the idea of being compassionate to myself. The point I make here is that daily compassion is a never ending balancing act that required thoughtfulness.
Here are three different view points on what compassion is.
http://www.buddhanet.net/ans57.htm
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-compassion-chronicles/200804/what-is-compassion-and-how-can-it-improve-my-life
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion
What they all mention in one form or another is the desire to help some one else because you are moved by some ones suffering. Here are a few different perspectives on suffering.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/suffering?s=t
http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/fourtruths.html
http://reformedperspective.ca/index.php/resources/196-why-do-we-suffer-buddhism-vs-christianity?catid=55%3Achristian-living
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suffering
Now here is the trick in being compassionate. Lets use an example that all of us have dealt with. You have a friend who's main goal in life is to complain about how life has dealt him or her a very bad hand. Every horrible thing in her life that she has and/or is experiencing is due to extenuateing circumstances, other people in her life, or some kind of supposed mental/emotional ailment, which by the way she has never gotten a genuine diagnosis for. From her perspective she has tried everything to make her life better, and be happier, but the universe is just out to get her. It is all out of her control.
Well... when I hear this I actually do feel compassion. How sad that some one doesnt understand that we all deal with suffering on a daily basis from one degree to another. How sad that this person doesnt know the tools for making her life happier, even while dealing with the unavoidable suffering. So I, being a fixer, goes in and helps, listens, gives advice if asked to, does everything possible to role model, to this person, that what we have is what we deserve. She can choose to deserve a happy life, it is all a matter of perspective.
More often than not what happens is that this person, whom you try to help, ends up hurting you and causing a great deal of suffering. Not necessarily because they are a bad person, but because they just arnt in the place to understand being compassionate, and loving, to them selves yet. The point is that it is great to feel compassionate towards some one like this, BUT it is also ok to be compassionate to YOU and say that you are done because you are not going to continue to feed her suffering. The goal in using compassion is to eliminate suffering, not support it. So like I said earlier, some times it is more compassionate to walk away calmly, lovingly, and let the universe take its course.
I know that some view this as giving up, and selfish. But lets use another example. You have an adolescent who has an addiction problem. You have tried everything to help, out of love, and compassion, but, nothing works. Infact, it might almost appear as if some of the things that you are doing to help are actually making the suffering of your child, family, and your self worse. At what point do you decide that the wisest, more loving, choice is to use compassion for yourself and let your child learn to be a self less, loving, compassionate individual? What if you are inter fering with their Karma, which ends up being bad Karma for you also? In child development land this is called role modeling. When you role model using compassion towards yourself you are teaching your child how to care for themselves, which does not encourage o support codependancy...get where I am going with this?
I know some people think I have detached from them in anger, but I will state again that anger is also an emotion used for hurt, and grief. I will share with you that I often feel hurt, anger, and grief for humans, including myself. I truley dont understand why so many of us do what we do. Do things that cause our selves, and others, suffering. BUT I know that I feel this way because I feel compassion. I feel. I am not afraid to feel. I also work hard at expressing how I feel appropriateley...most of the time. (Once again admitting that I am human, and make kistakes, which I learn from.) So I blog on a multitude of topics in an attempt to reach out and, not only share my perspective on compassion in general, but, also in hopes of teaching others how to be happier. (and bring a greater understanding to myself in this area also.)
I also role model being compassionate where it is realistic for me to be so. i.e.-Some one talks ill in front of me concerning, hmmm say for instance, bad punishment techniques used on their child. I am going to speak out, compassionately, to this person on how they can feel better about themselves as a person, and parent, by using loving, compassionate, discipline techniques. I give them the tools to be happier. The consequences are they come back again and again asking how to deal with a situation. GOOD no big deal I am happy to help. Ive been a parent of three challanging people, I get how you feel.
BUT if you expect to come back, complain, blame and do nothing but the same things that you have always done and expect some results then we are done. (What is that deffinition of crazy again?) It is more compassionate to let you take the consequences of your choices in hopes that you will have an aha moment that helps you finally understand what YOU need to do to make your life happier. Teaching any one to be successful, in almost anything, requires one thing only. COMPASSION. Compassion encompasses petience, love, understanding, listening, empathy, all those things that we need to teach and learn with. Whether it is being compassionate towards some one else or yourself a lesson will be learned.
This site has the steps on how to be compassionate. Once again it is focused on Buddhism, but anyone can take its meaning and use it. Even if you use only steps:
1- Bascially greet each day with optimism and a smile.
5- Be kind to everyone you meet; even if they are not kind to you.
and
7- End each day with daily affirmations, remind yourself every thing in your day that you are thankfull for. Here's another interesting element to that idea, dont repeat the same thing for at least a month.
http://www.wikihow.com/Cultivate-Compassion-in-Your-Life
If you can do all of the suggestions on how to be more compassionate GREAT! But those three simple suggestions will improve how you look at your life and make you more compassionate. Honestly there are some days where I am great at following through on all the steps, most of the time I stick to the abbreviated steps and meditateing. I do truly believe that compassion helps me to understand the un-understandable in life which is why I really have no problem sticking to at least steps 1, 5, 7 and meditateing. When I am faced with news on t.v. of hate crimes, mass murders, abuse, terrorism, genecide, atrocitys towards human rights, human trafficing, drugs, etc. etc. I keep compassion in my thoughts and ask. How many lost people there are in the world who choose to live a life of suffering and cause so much suffering around them? Then I think on it a little and ask myself what can I do that will make a difference. I do not think that bad trickles down; I think good trickles up. So if I am kind to everyone, if I do the little things like listen, love, help where ever I can, give where ever I can, and if I beleve that every one whom I touch in kindness pays it forward, then I beleive that any one person can make a difference. May be it wasnt me that instigated a postive change, but may be it was some one who I was kind to who was kind to some one else, who was kind to some one else, who was kind to a person in the position of power, who has the power to make a difference and then actually goes out and passes a law that ends suffering some where.
“Dare to Be
When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.
When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.
When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.
When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.
When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.
When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.
When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher.
When love hurts you, dare to love again.
When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.
When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.
When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.
When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.
When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.
When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.
Dare to be the best you can –
At all times, Dare to be!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.
When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.
When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.
When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.
When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.
When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.
When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher.
When love hurts you, dare to love again.
When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.
When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.
When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.
When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.
When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.
When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.
Dare to be the best you can –
At all times, Dare to be!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
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