What I Am Really Learning: Thank you to all my awesome friends who get it!

         


           Time to write on a topic that is going to be emotionally charged for many of us I think.  Before I get started on it let me give you some back ground info.   I am in school, still.   This semester I have the last of my english's which happens to be a literature class.   I took African American literature.  Of course I dont mind that you ask why...my sons asked the same thing.   I love to read and write,  I have already had Shakespeare, american authors, etc. etc.    I wanted something that I had never had before.   I knew it wouldnt be easy.  I knew that I would be a minority, no biggy, its not the first time.  (For the record caucasions actually are world wide the minority. But while I bring up that word I have to tell you my truth; Im pretty tired of the whole minority, majority stuff, how bout we are all just humans?)  Anyways I divert.   Here is my issue, which kinda relates to the previous statement.  WHY oh why cant we all just get over this whole being different is a bad thing?  Why cant we just celebrate differences? 
          Here is the crazy thing that I have noticed alot of lately.  (What is the deffinition of crazy again?)  Every culture, every race, every religion and every disability criticizes each other for not being like them!  (Which is really the code for why donest anyone understand me.) And many will blame the problems of their race, culture, religion, etc. on one another.   Sigh...its all too exhausting and sordid drama to me.   You know what I have learned form it all this semester?  That there are alot of angry people out there.
          I sit in class many wednesday nights listening to my teacher and classmates.   I have blogged before on my delemma of speaking up.   It is so hard to listen objectively with out judgement.   It is even harder to reply with out sounding judgemental.   Then something occured to me.  Others really dont have to agree with my perspective, but does that mean I dont have the right to speak up?  And really who cares if they understand what I say.  What is important is that it is said, the idea once again of stating the truth (as I see it) then backing away from it calmly and respectfully.
          So back to weds. nights;  I sit and listen in class and one word keeps on popping out at me,"they".  They this and they that...who is they?   Shouldnt it be defined before anyone takes it as they are part of "they?"  I pointed this out and was quickly told that I was taking it too personally.  Well duh!   I pointed out that; one- we should be able to discuss these kinds of issues with out anyone taking anything personally and; two- in order for this to work mabey we should pay attention to the words we use.  So my teacher said that when he says they he is inferring to a portion of the caucasion population who consider themselves to be white supremicists.  Well ok...I deffenitely dont fall into that catagory.  But this brought up something else for me.  
          How often do any of us lump, inadvertently, people, ideas, etc. into one generic classification? (By misusing a word like they for instance.)   Even thinking that we all think that way is a generalization isnt it?   In another blog I stated that this semester I have suddenly been thrusted into areas of discrimination that I knew were there but never took the time to think about.   Heres what I think none of my instructors bargained for however.  By spending so much time pointing out all the other people who are not sensitive, and or aware, of certain differences, and all the reasons for it, arnt they also guilty of discrimination to a certain extenet?  (or mabey it is just the way that it is being presented?)  Yes I admit, because I have seen it and dealt with it first hand, that many people out their are ignorant.  But lets look at the word ignorant for a second.  
          To be ingnorant means that someone is lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned in a particular subject or fact, having a lack of training.   So...when we discriminate against others for being ignoarnt what are we really discrimnateing against?  A lack of education?  Being sheltered from someone elses lifestyle?   :P tphhhhhh   (Using the rag that I keep handy to wipe off my monitor for just such occasions as this one.)
          So heres the next step.   I understand that there are some people out there who genuinally feel that they have had no choice in the lack of education they have recieved due to being sheltered and or secluded.   I have seen the data out there and have talked to enough people in those situations to believe that this scenario is possible.  I also beleive that there are people who purposefully keep others (still in this day and age) from learning and having information. (Shit, drug companys do this as part of their general professional practices.)  Why does this happen you ask? 
          Well ask yourself, how could anyone benefit from someone else not having information?  Even we small little people who go about our daily lives with hold information almost daily.  We tell lies to our kids, our spouse, our friends, our employer...the list is endless.   Always this is done under the need to know basis.   They dont need to know so why tell them.  Its my business, not theirs, they don't need to know what goes on in my personal life.  But who are we to decide what someone else needs to know?  That is for them to decide isnt it?  And more importantly, there is a huge difference between not sharing personal information and not sharing information conercening cultural history, geography, etc.  (basically educational information)  Once again we have come to the laying truth at someone elses feet and backing away from it.
          Confused yet?  Stick with me a while longer.   With all that just said I have come under critism because of something I think and believe in.  Well a few things actually.  One- yes we can blame others initially for not having information, but once we have it who do we blame?  The information is always out there and available to us.  ALWAYS!   We can find almost anything we want under the freedom of information act, try it sometime, Google something that you never thought youde be able to get information on, because it is such an emtionally or politically charged subject.   You will find stuff (all kinds of stuff)...all you have to due it sort through what is fact and what is fiction. 
          Second- Once you have that information what do you choose to do with it?  Many people get angry.  Why didnt I know about this before?  How can the system with hold this from me?  How can anyone not have taught this to me.  BLame BLame BLame...BLeh.  When i share my views on blame I have been told that I dont understand.  That I havnt been where they were, or are.   I dont know how they feel.   sigh...so many excuses for keeping us seperated.  Which brings me back to the beginning.  (See how it is a vicious circle...i get it...i understand.)   Shit happens, get on with it.  Learn, and change.  Take what you have had, and what you have, and make the world a better place.  Be a great role model for others so that they dont repeat the cycle.  
          Why is it if anyone speaks as I do there will immediateley be at least one other person who suddenly jumps up and says,"SEE it is that kind of attitude that is holding us down."  Really?  Cause I think it is that victim attidute that holds us down.  And I do mean us, because all it takes is one person to make a difference, all you have to do is decide if the difference you want to make is positive.
          I pride myself on being well informed.   But let me share this with you, and this is something that I don't need to.  I grew up in between 8 and 9 mile roads in Detroit.  Not a great neighbor hood even back then.   I was abused growing up in all its forms.   I struggled through school, never successfully completeling college.  BUT I never stopped reading.  I knew there were librarys out their that are available to everyone.   From the time my kids were little librarys had computers in them that could be used to search a variety of topics.   I didnt just watch crap on tv.  AND even more importantly if it didn't sound quite right I set about finding out why.  Some people who grow up under difficult challanging circumstances CHOOSE not to let others or the system win!!  If I had listened to anyone in my family, or even some of my teachers, I would NEVER have come to where I am now.  (Which is a place I like by the way.)
           It is for these reasons (and the Pith of the Matter by the way) that I will always stay optimistic about human nature.  I am proof that not everyone ends up hating and being angry.  I am proof that not everyone thinks that they dont have a choice.  If you blame my circumstances, or my ability to adapt, and over come, on the color of my skin HOW does that make you any different then the people who you feel are keeping you down?  Or as I like to look at it as enabling YOU to fail?   Failure is not an option.   We all have the abiltiy to know right from wrong.  We all have the ability to teach ourselves the self confidence needed to over come.  Notice the word is SELF confidence not someone elses confidence.
          I  fight for what I think is right, daily.  I speak it, write it and live it.  I will never advocate victimization in any shape or form.  I will never support racism, or discrimination, against anyone for any reason.   I will not support supremacy in any form.  I truley beleive in the idea of equality.  Does this mean that we are all the same?  Of course not.  It means that we all recognize that we are different and it is ok!  I beleive that is possible, and I know many others who feel the same way.  So say what you will to me.  Throw it my way, put me to the test.   I stand firm in my beliefs.  Love and compassion towards all always.

Women In Christianity

(Just a little intro to this one.  This is a paper I wrote for World Religion.   I am, for anyone who is not already aware, Buddhist.  I have to let everyone know however how absolutely wonderful it is to meet others who are truley passionate about their beliefs, but still respect others for theirs.  Thank you to everyone for helping with this paper, I will let you know about the grade later on.  :)  Enjoy!)

 

 

When I was preparing to write my second paper for World Religion I knew I wanted to focus on Christianity. The one aspect of Christianity that interested me were the smaller churches, or mission's. The people involved in these Christian faiths purposefully speak of Christ, God, and the Bible, in small venues of all kinds; they speak to persons who seem to believe in God, and Jesus, but do not agree with the idea of organized religion in a large church setting. I started talking to these missionaries, mostly women purely by chance, and found that these Christians subscribe to a variety of different faiths and ideas. Some were born again Christians, some were evangelical in nature, some considered themselves to be Baptist, or Presbyterian; some are Catholic. I sat back and gathered my thoughts, information and ideas. There were a few things that all these people, whom I had observed and spoke with, had in common. One: they were all women, two: they were frustrated with the woman’s role, in the primary faith they subscribed and, three: they believe that everyone should have a connection with God and Christ.

At the present moment, no major Christian denomination has more than a few women in top authority positions...what will happen to Christianity when women do succeed in changing traditions so that they are treated as the equals of men...representatives of Christianity mirror the image of God by calling to mind the male figure of Jesus Christ; and Christianity...can Christianity only afford to have men in that role. (Goldenberg)

My observation focused on two women. One, whom I will call Ruth, left her church after being told that she could no longer preach. Because she is a woman she was unable to engage in sharing the word of God with out having been formally educated. Some religious education was available to her, but she would still not be able to perform certain clerical duties because she is a woman. At that time she was holding woman’s group through the church; when she left the church many women still attended the group; she now holds these out of her home. These groups are held monthly, sometimes more often. Women, of all ages and from a variety of different churches, and faiths, all christian, come and share their thoughts, lives, and ideas of faith. They hear of her through friends, relatives and surprisingly, local church's will recommend her.

Christianity has provided a place for woman for which she is fitted, and in which she shines; but take her out of that place, and her luster pales and sheds a feeble and sickly ray. Or, to change the metaphor, woman is a plant, which in its own greenhouse seclusion will put forth all its brilliant colors and all its sweet perfume; but remove it from the protection of its own floral home into the common garden and open field, where hardier flowers will grow and thrive, its beauty fades and its odor is diminished. Neither reason nor Christianity invites woman to the professor’s chair, nor conducts her to the bar, nor makes her welcome to the pulpit, nor admits her to the place of ordinary magistracy. (Coon)

The second woman I observed and spoke with travels with her husband around the world, but I met her at Biketober. This couple sets up ministry’s all over the United States, and the world, sharing the word of God and Christ. The first woman no longer participates in the idea of a large church/organized religion, but has also participated in setting up small ministry's all over. The second woman attends a large church, when she is home, as part of her individual faith, but openly admitted that she is frustrated that the idea of organized religion seems to exclude a certain percentage of the population, especially women; Ruth being a perfect example of this.

...scholars of religion say that Christianity can survive the very basic changes that will have to be made when religions adapt to nonsexist culture. Theoretically then, Christianity could exist without Christ...as long as Christians thought of these departures from tradition as being in basic harmony with their faiths. Texts could be altered, female imagery could be added to the concept of God, new rituals and doctrines could be invented without bringing about the end of the faiths. Scholars who believe this is possible point out that Western religions have survived changes over the past centuries and can be expected to survive many more in years to come. (Goldenberg)

My journey begins with woman number one whom I will call Ruth. Ruth is married, with adult children, one of which is married and about to have a child. Her husband is also very active and shares in her perspective of being Christian. Ruth lives in Florida now, but has lived else where in the United States also. She is approximately 50 years old, a very educated, progressive woman, and in my observation tends to be nurturing and open minded. She has taught, nursed, managed, run youth groups, women groups, preached, and sets up small ministry’s in a variety of places giving the opportunity for others to gain happiness, contentment, and strength from God, Jesus and the word of God. She shared that of everything that she has done doing what she does now has given her the most satisfaction. They are not wealthy, but they live comfortably and appreciate what they have; never hesitating to share and help others. I was invited to one of the woman’s group that she leads once a month.

When I arrived I was immediately greeted warmly by everyone. There was on this day six women total, including myself. It was shared with me later that the groups have been as large as 20; attendance fluctuates. These women were of different christian faiths. All shared that they were their because, while they were loyal to their denomination, they felt that women, as a whole, were not identified as an important part of their church. A couple women shared that they attend their church now more out of habit then anything else. They all felt that they were expected to show up, dress nicely, and give the impression of the perfect female christian role model. Keeping the family together, being a good dedicated wife, serving refreshments, helping out with raffles, teaching Sunday school, etc. All these women wanted something more from their faith. They wanted a female community, people whom they related to and whom they could depend upon during times of difficulty. They wanted to be recognized as valuable members of their religious community who had intelligence and wisdom in their faith. Attending this group gave them this strength and confidence.

The matter of women serving the Lord has never been in question: Jesus Himself encouraged the participation of women in support of His ministry and that of His disciples. Likewise, churches of the past several centuries have depended upon women to provide a wide array of organizational and prayer support, to teach the Bible to their children (and in many cases female adults as well) to support domestic and foreign missions, and to serve directly as missionaries. However, historically, woman’s roles have been largely confined to those of supportive and not authoritative responsibilities. (Rogers)

The topic on this day was baggage. How everyone carry’s baggage with them and how it is important to set it aside from time to time. This was integrated into certain passages with in the Bible that pointed out not only that this was the right thing to do, but how it was necessary to lead a healthy full life. It also encouraged how, when during times of carrying around a great deal of baggage, God could pick some of it up for them.

Ruth led by reading a personal experience, and using props (suitcases) to reinforce her lesson. Turns were taken reading excerpts from the Bible and some of the women shared personal experiences and how this lesson spoke to them. There was something different in this setting compared to a Christian church setting. Focus was put on the women specifically. If a man was mentioned it was in context of how they were either being supportive of them (the females) or not being supportive of females. God was not a man, he/she was more of a concept and idea that everyone could relate to equally.

The Pauline literature and Acts still allow us to recognize that women were among the most prominent missionaries and leaders in the early Christian movement. They were apostles and ministers like Paul, and some were his co- workers. They were teachers, preachers and competitors in the race for the gospel. They founded house churches and, as prominent patrons, used their influence for other missionaries and Christians. (Kung)

The lesson took place in Ruth’s home in the kitchen. The setting was personal and comfortable. Everyone was there for approximately two hours. Then everyone left and went about their day, but not before discussing the next day and time to meet. Afterward I spent some time talking with Ruth. She shared that all of these women also had, or were having to deal with, some struggle. They had lost a loved one, or were recovering from addictions of some kind, they were alone, and/ or were dealing with physical challenges. They all basically had experienced some kind of life event that was causing them to change their perspective and seek out strength and support. The church they were attending, or not attending any longer, did not address any of their issues. Many of them felt that the church predominantly held a male perspective in nature and therefore addressed issues in the context of how a man would deal with them. This was not helpful to them.

Ruth also shared that many of the young adults and adolescents that she had worked with felt that the church also did not address the needs of the young person. Young people found the church to be hypocritical in nature, hypocrisy being a normal stage in development; the church was unsatisfactory in addressing their questions.

These young people still wanted to find strength and guidance in an adult of faith who admitted, honestly, to them that the church could be hypocritical; but their was still value in having faith in their lives. Ruth shared a story of a time when she was involved in a youth group; one of the questions posed to the youths was what is your favorite appliance in the house. Ruth said many of the kids said things like the spice rack. She was shocked however when the Pastor said that his favorite appliance was his wife. Ruth addressed this issue with the Pastor but basically was told that she was over reacting. In short, what all the people Ruth has come in contact is have in common, or are seeking, is emphasis on the relationship between them and God, not them and the church.

Those favoring more responsible and visible ecclesiastical roles for women generally assert that women are capable of both commitment and ministerial performance equal to that of men, given proper endorsement and an equitable amount of support. They point out that women are not biologically, emotionally, nor intellectually inferior. To the contrary, they observe that women are in fact physiologically, but not usually physically, stronger than men...Emotionally and intellectually, women are at least equal to men, as evidence by numerous studies over the years. Likewise, their administrative and organizational abilities have been demonstrated by such national heads of state as Golda Meir, former prime minister of Israel, and Margaret Thatcher who served as prime minister of Great Britain. (Rogers)

The second woman I spoke with whom I will refer to as Sarah comes every year to every bike event in Daytona. She and her husband set up a small tent, with some tables, that hold a variety of religious Christian reading materials in the same location, at the Hang Dawg Saloon on US1, so that regulars may find them. They speak to whom ever wants to listen, and converse, concerning God, and Christ, and the importance of having them both in your life. They also hold small intimate morning services for any whom are interested. I was originally going to speak with her husband, but while waiting for him to return I started speaking with her instead and found her to be not only very interesting and intelligent, but very passionate about what she does and believes.

Sarah is also approximately 50 years old; she and her husband met in New Orleans while they were both involved in different areas of their faith. To make a long beautiful story short, they met, worked together, found they had a lot in common, fell in love and married. They have since traveled all over the world for reasons all to do with their faith. They worked in New Orleans after Katrina for four months, have been to South America, and Africa, to name just a few.

Sarah shared that while she does still attend a very large church back home she recognizes, and understands, that there is a very large section of the population who does not like attending church. Many people, she shared, find the idea of dressing up, and participating in the church community not only intimidating, but judgmental. Many persons attending church have the relationship to the church, and not God. In her experience those who do not attend church put more emphasis on their relationship with God, or they want to. She and her husband help people find that relationship.

Most important of all, however, from the beginning Christianity was not just a movement made up of men; its history also includes the women who followed Jesus. Jesus' practice of calling women, too, to follow him was unconventional and undermined the existing patriarchal structure. (Kung)

This husband and wife team have ministered to all kinds of people. Sarah gave an example of hard core old school bikers, who if you are not cautious, have no problem pulling a gun out and shooting you. She also ministers to addicts, abused women, and all kinds of people who are lost. She admits openly that her past has been less then perfect, but she feels that it is her past which makes her, and her husbands ministry, so worthy and popular. It is easier to relate to someone who has been where you have been. It is also these early life challenges that makes her spirituality more passionate for her; that passion is easily translated to real life and easily observed by anyone who meets her.

Sarah shared that her role in the church she attends at home is not as active. I sensed, with out her sharing, that perhaps this is why she still attends church, so that she can be in a social situation with others of her faith, but take a break from ministering to others. I gathered that the environment was different from the one we were meeting in and that for her it was a necessary change for her spirituality. She does not struggle with her relationship with the church, her relationship is with God.

Sarah also shared that while she didn’t agree with how organized religion, as a whole, did not recognize the importance of women in faith she also supported women being supportive to their husbands. I did not perceive this as an antiquated idea of women being subservient to the male, but more that women have the right to work side by side with their husband; there fore, they should also be as praising and supportive as the man should be to the woman.

While we were sitting and talking a man, who had been drinking heavily came up, he looked over the information on the tables and said, “God wouldn’t like me.” (referring to himself.) Sarah s husband smiled, gave direct eye contact to the man and replied,”God likes those who none of us like.” The man smiled and walked away. Such a simple brief interaction but you could tell that it genuinely made the man feel what he needed and wanted to feel. It was that statement that summed up what both these women, their family's and many like them out there are trying to convey.

Jesus dissociated himself from the customary exclusion of women. Not only does Jesus show no contempt for women; he is amazingly open towards them. The church of the Jewish-Christian paradigm could have been called democratic in the best sense of the word (at any rate it was not aristocratic or monarchical): a community in freedom, equality and brotherhood and sisterhood. (Kung)

In this day and age of the information era; where we watch too much TV. Play too much computer, or console games, have phones glued to our ears, or are constantly text-ing; always listening or watching something on a screen, rushing like mad people from one place to another, one activity to another, with little interaction with each other; these women, and their family’s, are a reminder that God is still alive for many.

Churches have become, for many an extension, of the information era. Hurried and sharing what is written, but not backing it up with the spirit that is behind the word. These Christian women of many different faiths have one common thread. They not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. They pride themselves in gaining strength from being a realistic faithful role model for everyone around them. They recognize that the world, the churches, and the people of today are imperfect. They have set about teaching, and sharing, that there are many ways to have faith. The funny thing is that this idea is not anything new, this idea of Christian faith is very traditional in the eyes, and ideas of Jesus. Their passion in faith reminds us of this and is making a difference; isn’t that what life is all about in the end?

Citation Page:

Coon, Lynda L., Katherine J. Haldane, and Elisabeth W. Sommer. That Gentle Strength; Historical Perspectives On Women In Christianity. United States of America: The University Press of Virginia, 1990. Print.

Goldenberg, Naomi. Changing of the Gods. Boston, Massachusetts: Beacon Press, 1979. Print.

Kung, Hans. Women In Christianity. London, England: Continuum, 2001. Print.

Rogers, Wyatt M. Jr. Christianity and Womanhood. Westport CT: Praeter Publishers, 2002. Print.

Biketober

         


           It is October in Florida.   Leaves don't change into warm hues of red, yellow and orange here.   Most of us don't light our fireplaces yet to keep warm, if we do it is because we come from the north and just want to smell the nostalgia.  We can still go swimming. (If you have a heated pool.)   Disney World never closes due to weather (its been sometime since a hurricane.) AND we have BIKETOBER!!  
          Biketober is where bikers, and I dont mean the person powered peddling kind, amass onto Daytona Beach for the last hoorah of the season before Bikeweek in March.   We put on our leathers and chaps, because now the evenings are cool enough for them, and ride in large groups of friends, or more often than not strangers, around Volusia County.   We ride up and down A1-A breathing in the salt air from the ocean and letting our hair fly loose in the wind.  We cruise through Tomoka Forest with the huge scrub oaks dripping spanish moss, and if it gets foggy we imagine zombies shambling out of the forest.  We visit all the famous local hang outs, the Boot Hill down on Main Street, the Iron Horse and Broken Spoke on US1, and the Cabbage Patch out on I can't remember where...sorry, but I do remember the journey there. 
          We stop at all the not so famous places too.  We oggle the half dressed girls (well not me but my men do) and admire, with deep sighs, how ever single man, no matter how unattractive looks great in leather (not my men, me this time.).  We share tattoo stories and a beer.  Get another patch sewn onto our jean jacket.  Buy more t-shrits, bandanas and leather.  Eat too much vender food.  Show off bikes, and pipes.  And make great friends in a short amount of time.   The sound over the city is the thunder of motorcycles,  and the crisp smell of fall is enahnced by exhaust. 
          Some Floridians dislike these events to the point where they have run bikers off the road doing harm to the rider and bike.   People don't always pay attention to bikers and run them off the road.  Some people just become reckless.   Some bikers drink too much and injure themselves and others.  Sometimes even kill them.  But on the whole, when there is suddenly an addtional few thousand people descending upon a city on motorcycles the injurys are few and far between.  Daytona Beach is still a tourist town and depends upon these events.  At this time of year I want to remind everyone that I have a husband of 28 years who rides and I would like to keep him around a while longer.  He works his ass off for each event, for other peoples pleasure, most deffinitely not his own. I also have a multitude of friends who ride, and work these events, who I would also like to keep around.  So....have fun and remember!

Be aware, look twice then look one more time!  It is BIKETOBER! 

Honor

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought.   The mind is everything.  What we think we become." -Siddharta

 

 

http://tinybuddha.com/quotes/tiny-wisdom-on-living-with-honor/

Honor- honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions; a source of credit or distinction; high respect, as for merit, or rank. 

           I have been giving thought lately to doing what makes us happy.   This thought has gone in many directions; from doing what pleases others, to doing, what pleases only me to a bit of both.  In the end of my journey I have come to a decision.  I will explain.
          Let me start with a personal experience.   I am in school, again.  (As many of you know.) This is my thrid attempt going back to obtain a degree.  The first time I was 19 and was going to be a commercial artist.  Getting married and starting a family distracted me from that.   Later, in my 30's, when the boys were little I went back to school for child development.  Which I still have a great passion for.   Family took priority again.  My husband was traveling for his job at the time, the kids were in school, and I was working.  I bascially finished everything to do with my degree in family studies except for the acedemics.  Then I became tired and overwhelmed;  I decided that  being a mom, wife and working in child development for quite a few years was enough for me. 
          This was the time where I became Curriculum Director and did trainings for the State of New Mexico.  (It is true btw that if you know your stuff and show a gift for it you will be rewarded.)  I loved this phase of my life while it was happening, I was good at it and appreciated for my talents through out the state of New Mexico.  Then my husband obtained a transfer and we packed up and moved to Florida. 
          Florida is different from New Mexico (and Detroit where we came from before New Mexico).  The educational system is different, the child care systems are different, the people are different.   Not bad just different.  With that said, and you may feel free at this point to read between the lines, I opted not to return to child development and instead applied to another field that I had worked in back in New Mexico, Social Work.
          It was interesting to me that here, in Florida, anyone can work in Social Work.  Social Work agencies (not mentioning names) were hiring persons with degrees in accounting; not sure how this beneftted familys unless they were having problems with their finances.   I personally found this very frustrating; one bad apple gives us all a bad name.
          To make a long story short, due to many mistakes (and I use that word very loosly) the organizations who were hring these people came under fire and had a variety of lawsuits against them; all bascially for discrimination and/or violation of human rights.  tsk tsk  People won their law suits and Florida was forced to lay off many people with in the Social Work field.  Many of whom had training and education in their field but now needed to get a degree the specifically says Social Work.  Fortunate for the familys whe were being serviced by the accountants, unfortunate for persons like me.  But I turned this into a learning experience and Wala...me back in school to obtain a Masters in Social Work.
          I sturggled with this at first.   This was two years ago, I was 48, the kids were and still are grown, my husband and I were starting to get back into the grove of it being just he and I again.  We had purchased the home we would retire in.  We were talking about traveling and having free time for all those things you dream about while you are busy raising kids, working your ass off, and saving money.   It was nice.  Then the universe decided it had other plans for me.  Dammit....So I made the choice to go back to school, this time for me. 
          Making that choice for the first time in my life really.   The first time I went to learn a career that would not be my lifes passion.  The second time my family was still to important to me to take away so much time from them.  This time I had niether of those.  I was older, the kids gorwn and my husband was (and still is) exceedingly supportive.  So it was a no brainer.  I registered and off I went.  Skipping of to the first day of school never looking back.  It was preschool all over agina only better! 
          Each semester it has gotten better and better.  I have gained a different kind of self confidence that comes with wisdom and experience.   People listened to me, what I had to say was importaint  (and not just because I ws the oldest person in the room) and I enjoyed hearing what others had to say.   Much of the academic stuff I already knew, but the life experience that came with being in settings where you could share ideas, ask questions, and not feel judged was great!  Still is!  The different perspectives has been invaluable.
          Then... once again, when you get comfortable and things are going great ready yourself, that is when the universe will throw you a curve ball.   Then...I started getting noticed by Professors and Instructors.  One recommended me for honors college.  This was back in only my first semester and I was a little intimidated by it so I decided not to.  Another opportunity came up for Honors in ASL (American Sign Language) and I decided to take it.   It was more along my field of study and I enjoy ASL.  To make a long story short this ended up being more than I found myself able to handle.   I was already taking four classes and two labs; I found that adding honors to it, in the end, was too much.  It required me staying in school for an extra semester (at least) and keeping my GPA over at least 3.25.  Well my GPA is well over this, but the idea of it suddenly being something I really needed to pay attention to quite literally stressed me out.  I suddenly started becoming this driven, obsessive, complusive stepford student.  I went from three days in school to five days in school and literally doing homework 98% of the time at home.  I didnt like myself too much and I started to not feel so good about myself.  Then some of my grades began to drop.  Interesting, with all the work I was doing you would thing it would be the opposite, but it wasnt.  The more I studied the worse my grades became.  Those instructors in school who state,"If you are not doing well it is because you are not studying enough" are full of crap.   (and I have since shared this with them...nicely of course.)
          My husband pointed out many times that if I stopped stressing about it so much it wouldnt be such an issue.  But this is much easier said then done.  I am a bit of a perfectionist, but I channel it into my spirituality by doing my best and being loving and compassionate.  Well this was not working with Honors.  It wasnt like teeling the truth and walking away from it nicely. It was more like the truth always being right there, not at my feet, but staring me down.  The truth was school was not so fun anymore, learning was not fun... So after a couple of agonizeing weeks I stopped myself and meditated on it.  This is what I have come up with.
          Going to school was all about me.  Doing something that I have always wanted to do and loving it!  It was a chance for me to learn and interact with others in a learning environment.  Honors was not.  Honors was about acheiving a great level of academic acheivement for others.  I liked that others saw me as special because of Honors.  But if I was wrong or made a mistake then suddenly people had permission to devalue me.  It suddenly became about competeing and I don't like to compete.   This led me to thinking about how others percieved me and why was I really doing Honors in the first place.
          There will always be people who are eager to see you fail.  Not that they set up a cheering squad and wait in ready for you to fumble; but they will use your failures to make them feel better about themselves.  Bleh....That is not what I role model.  I role model doing your best and learning from mistakes.  Being loving, compassionate and wise.  I was happy and content where I was with my schooling!?!  Why was this not enough?  Then I realized it was.  So I backed out of honors.
         Some all ready have said it was because I couldnt handle it.   That is certainly one way to look at it.  But I can tell you that I know with in me is a person who can work 40 hours, go to school part time, while taking care of two small boys, and a home by herself while her husband travels for his job and is gone anywhere from 3 days to a month.  Ive done this.  Been there done that.  Ive proved that it is in me and I dont need to anymore.    
         The Pith of the Matter?   What I need to prove now is something much greater.   Self satisfaction with me as a person.  Contentment with where I am in life.  Contentment with who I am in life.  Having more is just more stuff, more baggage, more suffereing...it doesnt mean you are more as a person.  Being content is feeling more as a person.  Less is more.  Less to suffer over puts more focus on what is to really be appreciated.  (remember the idea of suffering in Buddhism?)
         This realization and path is what has gained me more respect from others, and more importantly in myself, then any other aspect of my life.  It is what happens when you are 50 and are ok with what you have seen and done with your life so far and it is this realization that continues to help me learn from my mistakes and be a better person.  When I stop learning from this then I have greater problems then not entering honors college.

Im Looking Through You

          "WIth wisdom as bright as the sun and the moon, and timely use of skillful means, they make the enterprise of the Great Vehicle prosper and grow, and lead many to attain supreme awakening quickly.   Always living in the blessedness of a reality that is fine and wonderful, with immeasurable great compassion, they save the living from suffering."

_the Lotus Sutra (Buddha speaks of bodhisattva's)

http://www.tricycle.com/new-buddhism/bodhisattvas/what-bodhisattva
http://buddhism.about.com/od/mahayanabuddhism/a/aboutmahayana.htm



         This has been an interesting semester for me.   Hard, but not the way I suspected.   When I first started this semester I was very motivated and full of energy.  I had just taken the summer off, and was relaxed and centered.  I was sure that four classes with two labs would be fine.  I knew that I had two classes that were going to be challanging, but I am not working right now, the kids are grown, and the husband is very supportive.  Then I started feeling off balance. 
          At first I attributed it to having so much work...but I am an organized person so once I had my work load organized I was fine.   Then I thought it was because I was having difficulties in a couple of classes (math especially) but once I started going to tutoring and recieving extra help that cleared up.   Then I realized something.  This semester is encouraging my growth as a person.  Let me explain.
          Three out of four of my classes are ASL 3 (American Sign Language), African American Literature, and World Religion.   The instructors/ professors in each of these classes are outstnding.  Not only do they teach curriculum, but they challange perceptions.   If I had not had all three of these at once I think I would not be changing my percpetion on the world.
          Suddenly I am seeing things, that I knew were there, but didn't observe as closely.   In a nut shell I am suddenly percieving more people, then I orignally had, as having low tollerance and being discriminatory.   Why is this?  Not why am I suddenly seeing this, I know why, my instructors are doing an awesome job and I get what they teach, but why are there so many people out there who choose to be intolerant. 
          I am a social worker, I am Buddhist.  I have seen environments, and people living in them that most of the norm don't even think about.  I am Buddhist for a reason, I believe in love and compassion for all, I believe in teaching the value of understanding suffering and I believe in meditation. 
         What I want to know is why are there so many people out there who are intolerant?  Here is where my mistake on this perception comes in.   I always attributed intollerance mainly to racism, but this is not the case.   Intollerance, at its core, for many people, is directed towards anyone who is not like yourself.  Do you know what that means?  The implications of that? 
         It means that there are a large number of people who basically don't like humankind.  Including, no doubt, themselves.  Such a needless choice in regard to suffereing.   I have an easy solution to this.   The next time you feel yourself starting to say, either in jest, or seriously, something that may be percieved as intolerant, stop yourself; form it as a question instead first inside your head, then out loud.  Start a loving, wise, compassionate, conversation with someone, or a group of others.  
         I will share a personal experience that has made me wiser.  Wednesday evenings I have African American Lit.  I have not other way to explain the following, but I assure you there is no disrespect intended, and if I could explain it with out the following discription I would.  I am one of two white people in the room.   I cannot explain the level of discomfort the first couple of weeks, not in me, but from my classmates.  The first day of class at least three people walked in to the room, looked at me and walked out in confusion.   Many people were afraid to speak their mind, including myself.   I honestly picked up on some, hmmm, negative feelings, from others that were keeping them, and me, from opening up on many topics.   I was interested, and confused.  
          Prejudice is prejudice in any form.  That whole concept or reverse discrimination is rediculous.  The idea of reverse discrimination is basically the idea of being vengful.  So coming from someone who does not promote, encourage, or support discrimination in all its ugly forms seeing it always shocks and saddens me. 
         Here is my mistake in all of this and what I learned form it.  For a couple of weeks I sat and said nothing.   Then a couple of things happened.  One; I started reading the Lotus Sutra; a beautiful Buddhist scripture on how to be loving and compassionate.   Two: I researched some startling information for class concerning how deep racism goes in the American culture, three: I started doing ASL honors and finally four: a heated debate took place in my World Religion class concerning Buddhism.  
         Wow...suddenly the universe had put me in the center of discrimniation and some of it was truley directed towards me.   Being Buddhist I did not react, I took it all in and was truley working from a place of love and compassion.  I explained to a friend during this time, whom I confided in, that I do not need to make anyone else undestand my path.
But I soom realized how wronge I was in this thinking.
         In the spiritual path I have taken not only is it important to be loving and compassionate, it is also important to be wise.  It is important to gain wisdom and then share the wisdom you have learned.  uh oh...sitting and being quiet was not the right thing to do.   So I set about trying to figure out what was the loving, compassionate way to deal with this.
         I used my husband (and many other loved ones) as a sounding board.  Even though he is not Buddhist he gets it and understands me.  In a nut shell it is not what is said but how it is said, and what is said does not have to be agreed upon by someone else.  I just need to share my feelings/ thoughts on what I feel is important, lovingly and compassionately.  Basically it is once again the idea of laying the truth at someones feet and then backing away from it.
         Then I had another thought.  Arn't many of todays problems due to the fact that we, as a society, do not talk to each other?  We don't make the time, and I mean MAKE THE TIME, to just talk with each other.  More importantly LISTEN to each other.   This does not mean you have to agree with the other persons opinion it just means that you agree to at least UNDERSTAND!   Understanding someone else is at the heart of tolerance.  It is at the heart of love,  It is at the heart of compassion.
         So I went out there and started sharing using my whisper voice and the truth as I see it.  I didn't use anger, I used love.  I didn't use intolerance I used respect, and I didn't share impetience or condensation, I used compassion.  Something miraculous happened.  People listened.  People started opening up to me and I listened back.  The learning experience has been invaluable.   We really do want to learn from each other and be better for it; it really does just takes one person.
        At the beginning of every semester I go in with feelings of excitement and motivation.  These usually get derailed (briefly) due to a heavy work load or disenchantment.  I have gone to school many times.  I am fifty years old and much of what is being taught in school I have done already.  The challange is always looking for what I don't already know.  Well what I have learned it not only understanding the concept of tolerance, but being brave and teaching the wisdom of tolerance.  Not just in my blogs, but daily as I see the teachable moment.   The Pith of the Matter is everyday is an opportunity to learn and share what we have learned.  If we all used the opportunitys given to us imagine the great changes that would happen.

"I'm Looking Through You" - The Beatles

I'm looking through you, where did you go?
I thought I knew you, what did I know?
You don't look different, but you have changed
I'm looking through you, you're not the same

Your lips are moving, I cannot hear
Your voice is soothing, but the words aren't clear
You don't sound different, I've learned the game
I'm looking through you, you're not the same

Why, tell me why, did you not treat me right?
Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight

You're thinking of me, the same old way
You were above me, but not today
The only difference is you're down there
I'm looking through you, and you're nowhere

Why, tell me why, did you not treat me right?
Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight

I'm looking through you, where did you go
I thought I knew you, what did I know
You don't look different, but you have changed
I'm looking through you, you're not the same

Yeah
Oh baby I'm changed
Ah I'm looking through you
Yeah I'm looking through you