What's Love Got To Do WIth It?

          What does this word "LOVE" mean that we all throw about like one of those little super balls?  You know the balls I mean; the ones that come in multicolored sizes from a gum machine that bounce a mile into the sky then ricochet off a variety of objects until that little ball inevitably becomes lost or less likely gets caught.  I think the love word is kinda the same thing as a bouncy ball, when just tossed around.
         Just this last New Years Eve, after midnight had passed, after we had spent the first few minutes kissing and hugging, we begin either calling, or more likely text ing, friends and family who are with us in spirit but not physically to wish them a Hopayy New Year.   This year one of the many text's I received was,"Happy New Year, I love you sooooo much."   A text from someone I haven't heard from in over a year.   sigh.....wtf.  More than likey a drunken, possible hig on pills also, text sent with no thought of genuine feeling.  We did not part on good terms and I really don't miss this person.   But it got my to thinking about that word love.  
          Lets look this word up shall we?  Love, a profoundly tender passionate affection for another person.   A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection as for a parent, child, or friend; sexual passion or desire. A person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.   To have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in, to need or require; benefit greatly from, embrace and kiss.  OK I buy into all of that.  All feelings I can say that I have had for someone.
          The next step was I briefly searched how to know when you are in love.   No surprise that everything that came up was directed towards "couples".  Although there were a couple of interesting points that could be applied to friendship.  For instance one sentance I read was,"your a communication addict."  Meaning that the need to talk with the person you are having strong emotions over is high.  So I thought about this as it pertains to friendship.  My husband (who is one of my best friends) and I, for the most part, are still communication addicts with each other.  Infact, when I thought about it I've had lots of friends who's company and conversation I look forward to.   These are the people who I try hard to keep in contact with.   Who I look forward to communicateing with.  Who share in my joy and sorrow.  The conversations are effortless and interesting.  (I was going to put stimulating but I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.  :P )  
          The second sentance was, in a nut shell, the willing to risk being yourself point.  Which I interpret as follows.   When we are in a relationship that is safe, trusting and loving we have no problem letting the other person see every creepy, weepy inch of ourselves.  We trust that that person will love us regardless and not share those traits that we find embarrassing in ourselves with others.   Here are the sites incase you want to check them out yourself.
http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/advice/know-you-are-in-love.htm
http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/recognizing-the-signs-of-true-love.html


          This information got me to thinking however.   If you are, or have been, in a loving relationship you know from experience that in order to find and keep love you must be friends first and always.  There will be days with your spouse when, due to a variety of different factors, you will not have the physical intimacy you crave, no matter how much you crave it.   The physical aspect of a relationship does not apply to being friends.
           Ive written enough in other blogs about my personal feeling on friendship so I'm not going to rehash that.   I even posted some sites that give advice on how to be a good friend.   At the core of any good relationship is trust.   Which brings me back to those two points.  When we communicate openly with someone we trust that that person is going to respond (not react) appropriately and keep our confidence.   We also trust that a beloved friend will accept us for who we are and not use the shared secrets as ammunition against us to gin control or power over any friendship.   This person who text ed me on New Years failed miserably on both points.  
          When I first got the text I momentarily allowed myself some feelings of anger and frustration.  I mean really, move on and leave me alone for Buddha's sake.   Then it passed to sorrow and exhaustion.   Sorrow for someone who has had an opportunity all year to come by my house and make amends but has chosen not too.  Sorrow because of all the times of the year she picks a holiday that is known for resolutions and new goals to express her feelings.  Exhaustion because the whole idea of this makes me tired...  
          The Pith of the Matter?   I love opportunitys to forgive and be forgiven.   The text that was sent on New Years Eve was neither of these.   It takes more of an,"I love you so much" text to achieve forgiveness; it needs honest follow through.   I have written before that the only love that is unconditional is the one we have for our children.   Even the love I have for myself is conditional.   If I am having a bad day and things seem to be falling apart in numbers to many to count their are conditions that I have set for myself in order to help myself deal with those days. 
          Do not mistake this idea with being un-understanding; they are two different things.   I understand I, and others, are human, and there fore wonderfully flawed and imperfect.  I expect imperfections, there is a miraculous beauty in imperfections.   Understanding conditions means that we have set boundaries in our lives.  And one of the most important boundaries we all should pay special mind to is the one of respect.  Here is the deffinition of respect in all its forms; http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/respect 
How can you love someone who you dont trust or respect?   In the equanamity of my greatest relationships I know that even on the days where we don't like each other too much I can trust and respect them, and they me, because they will always tell me the truth no matter how much it may hurt both of us, or no matter how much I don't wnat to hear it.   They have also never considered betraying my trust by sharing information that was not theirs to share and I have never betrayed them.  
          In the end I truley feel that more of us should have the self confidence to not accept a less then heart felt communication from just anyone; even if that just anyone is a beloved friend or family member.   It is that condition that earns us respect.   There are ways to express yourself in an honest, polite, loving way that not only encourages listening, but supports respect on both sides.   Yes sometimes we fail miserably at it; but it is far easier to clean up the mess of a misplaced comment then to say nothing at all, especially if the apology is honest, and lvoing.  Say what you mean mean what you say.  Be loving and compassionate with imperfections, have conditions for yourself, give and earn respect with those conditions, then the next time you toss the ball to someone they will catch it.