“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
“Middle age is not the beginning of decline, but a time to reach for the highest in our selves. Middle age is a pause to re-examine what we have done and what we will do in the future. This is the time to give birth to our power.”
― Frank Natale, The Wisdom of Midlife: Reclaim Your Passion, Power and Purpose
I own a bright red 2006 GT Mustang and it is awesome! It has red leather seats, and a great stereo system that must be heard to be appreciated. I was in my early forty's when I got it. I have loved Mustangs my whole life and it was a dream of mine to own one; when I was able to see this dream materialize it gave me joy. I had worked hard all my life. It was a reward for all that work.
The first week I got it my neighbor, who was at the time in her fifty's, called it midlife crises red. sigh... seriously why do we need to define so much in life with negativity? Why cant we just share in each others joy? I mean for crying out loud does the elderly white guy in a four wheel drive truck, and a yippy little dog on his lap that his wife probably made him take for a ride there fore making him irritable enough to test his manhood, need to pull up next to me and tell me to turn down my music?
Then looking shocked when he realizes that I'm his age his condemnation of my music turns into condemnation that I need to grow up? I, of course only share here and not to his face, that I think he and his yippy excuse for a dog should keep his white trash southern opinions to himself. (And turn up that lame excuse of music he has playing ever so quietly on his radio there fore not being able, in my opinion, to fully appreciate the bass.) Because after all I'm Buddhist and aren't we Buddhists suppose to be this never ending font of love, understanding and compassion? (I feel super compassionate for a guy who is so evidently missing his manhood...pffft. I mean really not one tattoo.) And can I just add that this scenario always happens at least once a year between November and May and the guy driving has New York license plates NOT even making him a resident. Residents don't seem to mind the way I choose to live my life. Now that I got that out of my system I will divert to the topic which is slightly connected to my red Mustang drama; the topic here is reconnecting.
In the last couple of years I, like many men and women my age, have found myself in a place that was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because I was feeling lost. I was in a place where I was at a loss as to what to do with myself. I had spent the majority of my life taking care of other people, from my family, to friends, even in my career in child development and social work.
For many years I drew strength from the fact that I was gifted in dealing with people. Not vanity, I was told many times by co-workers, clients, employers, professionals, that I had the knack for seeing in people what many do not, or choose not to see. I received awards, and taught people how to be more successful at life in general, how ever they choose to define their life and their success. I had defined my success, connected myself, to that idea; I knew why I was in the universe. I felt confident that I had spread a decent amount of Karma and made a difference.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/12/midlife-crisis_n_4419481.html
I found that I needed to reach out to a part of my life that I thought I had left behind. Perhaps this is a midlife crises of sorts? I don't know. I've never liked that statement "mid life crises." I think it is used more often than not by jealous people who choose, in my opinion, to stop living. For the record I've owned my red convertible GT Mustang since 2006 when my sons were all still living at home and old enough to ask to borrow it. I've always kept my hair pretty long, I've always dressed in a style that I find comfortable. My favorite color has always been red and I have attempted to integrate it into my life where ever I can; including, but not limited to my front hallway. I've always listened to music louder then I should, liked computer games, listened to current music and basically behaved in a way that, if someone suddenly started behaving, would be considered to be having a mid life crises. Some people who don't know me would perhaps misinterpret my life and suggest that I was immature, yes it has been said. I consider many of my choices as staying true to myself while still meeting my responsibility's. So, refusing to believe it was a midlife crisis, I found myself at a loss...what was it I was feeling?
Perhaps I should try reconnecting with some long lost friends? People who I let go due to moving, parenthood, different lifestyles, etc. This decision proved to be interesting for me. I now have about a dozen people on my Facebook that date as far back as high school. We have never had long lengthy conversations about what we have done with our lives, etc. we have just started keeping track of the lives we have now and appreciating that. It occurred to me that this is exactly the true meaning of "picking up a friendship where it left off." I am grateful to have those healthy relationships in my life once more.
There has been a couple of friend requests that I put out that I never got reply's to. Which to tell you the truth I was surprised by, and if truth be told, a little hurt. I have memory's with these people that are full of smiles. Are the memory's perfect? No. Which I assume is why they are still not on my friends list. I meditated on this a bit.
I believe and support change. Change in all its forms. I also believe people are capable of change; when I reach out to an old friend I anticipate that they have probably changed. I mean I have, so it is reasonable to expect that others have too. I discussed this with my ever wise, loving hubby and he brought up something that I too often forget.
People change at their own pace, and just because we have changed doesn't mean that others have. He said the people who are still living in the same places, doing the same basic things probably have not changed as much as I think, or hope, they have. AND people who have not changed, grown, etc. will probably not reach out to us/me; either because they are ashamed, embarrassed, or think we are the same silly 20 something's using the same bad behavior we did then. By not reconnecting it is easy to believe that people have not changed. That things will be the same as we remember them. I meditated on this a bit more.
I have always believed the best in people, even when they, or even I, are not at it. I cant help it and I'm not sure I want to. It has set me up more times than I can count for hurt. It has sometimes set me up for failure. But it is who I am and I draw strength from it. If I allow others to take that trait from me then I am not being true to myself. If I stop doing anything because I am afraid of being judged, or people may gossip about me, my family, my marriage, lifestyle etc. then I am the only one who looses.
Allowing people to believe that they have gotten the best of me, have stolen my power so to speak, has taught me a couple of things. I can still go about my life. AND BAM there it is The Pith of the Matter.
If my life ends because I'm not a parent, a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, a co-worker, a teacher, what ever, then what is my life worth? What did I spend all my time doing up till this point? Was it a waste of time? Of course not! If we are ever changing, ever evolving, learning animals capable of more than any other animal on the face of the earth then who am I short changing by not doing what I think I'm capable of? It occurred to me that midlife crises is not a crises, it is a process. A process that we all experience many times in our lifetimes.
If I give up because anything's too hard, or there are more obstacle's in the way then I anticipated, then what does this say about me? In the end isn't my own opinion about myself more valuable then anyone else's? I meditated on this a lot. Meditating led me to a very compassionate place.
Lately I seem to find myself in a place where I am surrounded by people who have a different out look on life from mine. While I usually don't agree with black and white scenarios, noticing this made the opposite glaringly obvious. It has made the presence of people who think, and feel, like I do stand out more. I don't see too much of a few of these people, but it is nice to know that they are out their. I draw strength from this thought. It also helped me understand that some of the people from my past fall under the category of not good for me; making it ok that they didn't accept a friend request after all.
I wonder what possesses us to try to reach out to people who we kind of know are much different in thought, lifestyle etc. than us. Do opposites really attract? Hubby and I have some pretty glaring differences but when I think about it our core values are the same. I think part of the answer is we, as humans, like to know that the world is different. I know I do. Helps me evaluate my life. Either I appreciate it more, or strive for something more. Knowing others, and how they live provides a sense of balance. Which is why when people, who choose to be house bound, don't interact with others they loose their balance.
Not having certain people not friend me actually helped me acquire balance. Huh...interesting.
With that said I want to say to these people. I have found memory's of you, but I also know that perhaps you do not of me and for that I am sorry. It would be wonderful if we could go back in time and do things differently, but we cant and I am personally grateful to not have that choice. All the experiences in my life have brought me to a place of contentment and joy. Not being able to reconnect with certain areas of, and people in, my past taught me something else. The areas that I can are exactly the ones I am suppose to have and I have reconnected with them at exactly the right time.
A couple of nights ago I was walking into my favorite grocery store; preparing my self to once again say no to the onslaught of sugar. Coming towards me on her way out was a woman, slightly older than me. Her hair was long also, it was a beautiful white color, she was dressed very current, and wearing a red shawl around her shoulders. We both gave each other a momentary smile of acknowledgement, silently saying to each other, and our selves, "right on." I wanted to hold up my hand and give her a high five, what I did instead was hold my head a little higher, go about my day, and drive home in my red mustang with the stereo blaring Royal Blood. I am not alone. :)
Namaste Peace out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhgVu2lsi_k
“Change is superficial. Transformation is deep. It alters our perception of reality and therefore causes everything in our life to shift. Transformation is what happens when we live our life rather than analyze it.”
― Frank Natale
tags: inspirational-quotes, midlife-crisis, relationships-advice
“Each person has to face this challenge – you must search inside yourself. The props – surroundings, interactions, rituals, customs and superstitions – are just palliatives. You have to achieve your balance on your own; it has to come from the self. Once you get there, you can afford the luxury of lavishing your life with the pleasures of your drifting journey.”
― Andre Averbug, The Drifting Self: a novella
― Andre Averbug, The Drifting Self: a novella
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