Lately I have been getting asked a lot about how to meditate. I find myself fumbling through this advice. Seriously... its almost embarrassing. I meditated on why this is. For me meditation is connected to my spirituality and honestly while I have talked, and written, on why I believe it is important for everyone to have some kind of faith, I don't like to tell people that they should follow my faith. I truly try to present my belief's more from a generic open ended idea(s). But because meditation, for me, is so connected to my spiritual well being its hard for me to speak from a place of why, even with out spirituality, meditation is such a benefit for everyone. Then I find my self being a hypocrite.
People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle. – Thich Nhat Hanh
If I believe that it is part of all of our responsibility to speak honestly, to almost everyone we meet, and help relieve suffering in the world; and if people are asking me how to meditate, because they feel I have information/tools that will help relieve their suffering, then I should just get over it and find a way to teach it. So here it goes. I will attach many web sites as reference because I do not consider my self even remotely close to being an expert in this area. I know only what works for me.
First a brief explanation of my journey into meditation. I believe everyone begins the meditative choice for a reason. Whether they want to calm their brain, alleviate depression, anxiety (or both), gain insight into their lives, or life in general, to learn to take better care of them selves, discern the difference between selfishness and selflessness, or to alleviate suffering, all these are great reasons to start, and I can share from experience that you will eventually do all of these ( and some reasons not mentioned) as you progress through your journey of meditation.
“If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.”
― Śāntideva
I actually began deep breathing when I was a young mom dealing with a son who had some behavior/socialization challenges. In order to save my sanity, and be a calmer, more focused mother I began taking 15-20 minute breaks, during a nap time etc. where I would sit in silence and breath deeply. The book that I settled on, that first taught me to deep breath was called "The Calm Technique" by Paul Wilson, but I had actually read many, many books on deep breathing and meditation.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Calm-Technique-Meditation-Mysticism/dp/0760715246
I found his explanation of deep breathing very straight forward and exactly what I needed at that time. After I had been deep breathing for a couple of months, and feeling the benefits, I started teaching my youngest how to deep breath. It was actually done in desperation one day while dealing with one of his fits that required him to be restrained. I was exhausted, and while holding him close to me, almost in tears my self, feeling a failure as a mom, wondering why my son was not only being challenged with this behavior, but wondering, and silently cursing the universe, why he, and our family, was having to deal with this. I started breathing deeply. Very consciously, openly, breathing so he, and my eldest who had been watching the whole thing play out, could see me doing something, to calm down. I noticed that my youngest started breathing with me and calming down. The whole environment started to feel calmer and everyone in it, my eldest included, did too. So I kept on using it all the time in fact. My youngest son to this day, and he doesn't even know he's doing it, will take deep cleansing breaths, when he is feeling upset. This is also when I started using it in my career with children, other adults, and family's. I learned that I was teaching a valuable tool to others to help them feel in control of their lives and feelings. This was the seed to my spiritual path and meditation.
Come back to square one, just the minimum bare bones. Relaxing with the present moment, relaxing with hopelessness, relaxing with death, not resisting the fact that things end, that things pass, that things have no lasting substance, that everything is changing all the time—that is the basic message. – Pema Chodron
When I was in my 40's, which by the way is the age where many women will start redefining themselves, and their spirituality, I started investigating different spiritual paths. Because I already had been deep breathing, and saw, and felt the benefits of it, I started reading into spiritual paths that promoted/supported meditation; I landed on Buddhism. As I read more about Buddhism, and the different Buddhist paths, I found and then decided to follow Tibetan Buddhism; it focus's on the idea of Bodhisattva's. Persons committed to alleviating suffering to the point of choosing to be reincarnated again and again so that they may continue their teachings to alleviate suffering. They are the equivalent of saints so to speak. This idea spoke to me as a social worker. ;) http://buddhism.about.com/od/thetriyaka/a/whatsabodhisatt.htm
The basic root of happiness lies in our minds; outer circumstances are nothing more than adverse or favourable. – Matthieu Ricard
In Buddhism one of the primary reasons to meditate is to alleviate suffering whether it is our own or some one else's. Although primarily you are suppose to meditate on the suffering of others; selfishness vs. selflessness. I think this is probably why people ask me how to meditate. I know that I personally feel much more at peace, for the most part. Here is a link that explains meditation and the idea of suffering in Buddhism. Once again it is not given to promote anyone changing their faith. Only to give some insight into why to meditate. http://www.buddhanet.net/depth.htm Why Buddha taught meditation to deal with the suffering in the world and how suffering is defined. I think when people understand these concepts better the mysticism surrounding Buddhism and meditation diminishes and whether or not you subscribe to Buddhism it becomes easier to understand the benefits of meditation no matter what your spiritual path is. With all of that out of the way here is what I suggest for people starting off in meditation.
First of all know your mind. What do you want to achieve from meditating? Is it spiritual? http://viploveukey.blogspot.com/2009/04/why-do-buddhists-meditate.html Many other religions promote meditation. Saying the rosary is actually a form of meditation. Rosary beads were actually taken from the Buddhist Mala prayer beads. The Mala originates form Hinduism which is one of the oldest religions in existence. All are basically the same concept. They all support spiritual meditation and chanting/praying to gain compassion.
http://the12stepbuddhist.com/what-is-a-mala-how-to-use-tibetan-prayer-beads/
http://anthromuseum.missouri.edu/minigalleries/prayerbeads/intro.shtml
By breaking down our sense of self-importance, all we lose is a parasite that has long infected our minds. What we gain in return is freedom, openness of mind, spontaneity, simplicity, altruism: all qualities inherent in happiness. – Matthieu Ricard
If your goal in meditation is to gain more focus what do you want the focus to be? And why? Is that focus needed so that you can feel more organized and calmer? If this is the case your goal should be to give your brain a rest. Do you find yourself thinking on a problem a lot lately and unable to focus on an answer? Then you meditate on a question.
Breathing meditation, where you focus, and concentrate on your breathing, is used to reduce blood pressure, alleviate anxiety, depression and anger. It clears your mind and calms you. It has been scientifically proven; making it a proven fact that meditation works.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201309/20-scientific-reasons-start-meditating-today
Here is a link on how to use breathing meditation.
http://www.meditationoasis.com/how-to-meditate/simple-meditations/breathing-meditations/
Things to try and remember for successful calming/ breathing meditation. Your brain is suppose to be all over the place. This is called the "monkey mind." http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meditation-modern-life/201110/quieting-the-monkey-mind-meditation It takes practice to teach your brain to relax; especially after it has been trained to think and work all the time. So be patient and give yourself a break. Getting stressed out because its not working immediately is not going to help. Giving up because your not getting instant results will not help.
We can gradually drop our ideals of who we think we ought to be, or who we think we want to be, or who we think other people think we want to be or ought to be. – Pema Chodron
Try taking time every day for 15-20 at least to deep breath. Get your brain and body use to the idea. Make it in a quite area that you will not be disturbed. I tell my hubby and family when I am going to meditate and they wont bother me unless its an emergency. My hubby keeps the dogs away etc. When your loved ones understand that you are taking up meditation for health, and well being, purposes they are usually pretty supportive. ;) If you are having problems quieting your brain start off using meditation music or guided meditation CDs. I still will use these off and on. They have rhythmic patterns which regulate your breathing patterns. This helps you focus on something other then your thoughts. You can find that the music etc. made specifically for meditation lasts anywhere form 20mins. to 1 hour long. I would start with 20 minutes. Once you start feeling like your brain has been trained to quiet itself for 20 minutes you can start trying for longer periods of time. I have personally found that an hour is plenty for me; but there are people out there who talk, and write, on hours of meditation in one sitting. Buddha meditated for days. Some people meditate the same time every day, some very the time only making sure its done daily, some every other day, some as needed. Find what works for you. The goal is to teach your brain to relax. It is a muscle it need rest sometimes also, more than just the 6-8 hours of sleep required. Our brain sometimes does not stop working in our sleep. It dreams etc. Meditation is making a conscious effort to relax your brain. Deep breathing also is the conscious effort to calm your heart rate which lowers blood pressure and relieves anxiety. There is ALOT of information out there on deep breathing and meditation that is not spiritual. Go find what work's for you.
http://www.the-guided-meditation-site.com/how-long-to-meditate.html
Western laziness consists of cramming our lives with compulsive activity, so that there is no time at all to confront the real issues. – Sogyal Rinpoche
When you have been meditating for some time and your brain is use to, and thankful for, the peace you have given it you can start using meditation in other ways. One way is to specifically ask a question. Why am I feeling so angry about this situation? Why am I feeling depressed? Why is this making me so anxious? Why is there suffering in the world? What can I do about it? What can I do to help a loved one? Etc. etc. This process will try your patience and, in my opinion, is best used/practiced when you have already gotten a grip on deep breathing. You begin your meditation as usual. In a quiet place, with or with out music, with or with out aroma therapy, with or with out a focal point, like a candle. You get comfortable and begin asking the question. Your brain is going to be all over the place. It will show you who to blame, persons, places things etc. Its the monkey mind once again swinging from limb to limb. Keep on asking the question every time your monkey does this, bring it back to the issue at hand, back to the trunk, or the roots, while all the time keeping your breathing rhythmic, and focusing on one visual point, or with your eyes closed. Your body should be still. I sit in the half lotus/butterfly position. Back straight on a marshmallow cushion. Hands placed in the #2 or #4 position depending on what I am meditating on. http://fengshui.about.com/od/use-of-feng-shui-cures/ss/Buddha-Hand-Gestures-Placement-Buddha-Home_2.htm I vary, eyes open focused on a candle, or eyes closed, depending on my mood. Sometimes I like peace and quiet, sometimes music, sometimes a rhythmic sound, or white noise like a fan. Eventually your brain is going to stop swinging from limb to limb, and start paying attention to your breathing. When your head has been clear for a little while, and you are focused on your breathing for a bit, suddenly it will come to you! The answer on how to deal with the question. It will always be a peaceful, compassionate, calm resolution that will make you feel happy and empowered. If this is not the case then try again at a different time. I also keep a meditation diary for when I pose questions. I start off writing, "This is what I asked" then end with, "This is what I heard." Helps me remember for future problems and keeps me focused. These are some different methods of meditation that specifically focus on different reasons for meditating.
http://www.buddhanet.net/metta_in.htm
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-courage-be-present/201001/how-practice-mindfulness-meditation
http://life.gaiam.com/article/meditation-101-techniques-benefits-beginner-s-how
One last thing to share about the spirituality of meditation. It has been documented scientifically, and in Buddhist writings, that when some one is effectively meditating in a spiritual form that your mind will empty, your breathing will slow, and your body will become very relaxed. Almost like a waking sleep. During these times persons share that they wee a tunnel with a white light at the end of it, it is peaceful. Most people will say that this happens may be once in a life time of meditation. Persons like the Dali Lama have trained themselves to attain this peace more than once. In my 10+ years of meditating I have reached it once two years ago, but have tried to get there again. It is the supposed clue to the true path of meditation. http://www.wildmind.org/mindfulness/three/progress
The Pith of the Matter: http://books.google.com/books?id=wl1RXz-FuzUC&pg=PA65&dq=majjhima+nikaya+the+pith+of+the+matter&hl=en&sa=X&ei=BLwsU4gBxZfZBcmegYAL&ved=0CCwQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=majjhima%20nikaya%20the%20pith%20of%20the%20matter&f=false I am not going to gloss this for you. Learning to meditate is not easy. It takes an conscious commitment and dedication. It also takes educating yourself on the different methods, on how to, and practice. It will take longer to learn then riding a bike. But like riding a bike once you learn it you will never forget how, and will, more importantly, never forget how it made you feel. Encouraging you to never stop using it. I can tell you honestly that there have been periods in time where I have not been as dedicated to meditating as I should be. These are usually times of high stress; which ironically are the times that meditation should be used. BUT I have never ever completely given it up. AND it is remembering the benefits that meditation gives me that always encourage me to start meditating again. It gives me strength, focus, hope, and compassion when I can not find it any where else. It is spiritual for me. It also keeps me mentally and emotionally healthy. I no longer have anxiety thanks to meditation/deep breathing. My anger has dramatically lessoned, and I find myself able to deal with the depressing aspects of life in a more effective healthy time line. My blood pressure goes down, I can communicate better, and see life, and the people in it, with much greater patience and compassion. It has encouraged me to be a healthier person; physically and mentally. I have eaten better since starting to meditate and pay attention to a more active lifestyle. Truly all of this because of my commitment to meditation. I give myself a break for failures, and have a greater concept of my place in the universe. It has taught me to be selfless, and selfish in such a way that I can be selfless. http://www.vipassanadhura.com/Selflessness.html
I cannot express enough the benefits of meditating. Meditation is truly the path to wisdom. Namaste, Peace out.
““We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.””
Read more about Buddhist Quotes and Sayings on:
http://buddhist-meditation-techniques.com/buddhist-quotes/?utm_source=INK&utm_medium=copy&utm_campaign=share&
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