It's A Sabatoge

So while you sit back and wonder why

I got this fucking thorn in my side

Oh my God, it's a mirage

I'm tellin' y'all it's a sabatoge

-The Beasite Boys

          Humans are a never ending source of interest and surprise to me.  My constant observations and analyzing of why we do what we do is one of the reasons I have choosen Social Work/Psychology as my life passion.  It is a passion; I never tire of it, it has always kept my interest and caught my attention.  One of the things that I find interesting, and has been the reoccuring theme lately, is judgement.   We seem to do it often, pass judgement on each other that is.   So how do we determine when it is appropriate, even acceptable to pass judgement or recieve judgement from others?
          Lets look at what judgemnt means shall we.   The two that apply and that I want to address are one: the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion.  Two-the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind.  Interesting.
          What stands out to me on both of these is opinion. An opinion is a judgement that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty; its a personal view, or attitude, or appraisal, or the formal expresion of a professional judgement.   A judgement or estimate of a person or thing with respect to charecter, merit, etc.
          So what Im making of this is in order to make an accurate judgement of something, or someone, you first must have all the facts.  You have to choose to be wise about the opinion you choose to render; basically, once agin know what you are talking about.  A fact is something that actually exists; its the reality; the turth.  Sometimes facts are present based, sometimes they are based in the past.   This is where it gets tricky now.
          If we choose to be proactive, optimistc people then understanding that the one sure thing in life is that there will be change is imperitive to making a judgement.  Learning to accept change gives us an almost nuetral attitude about an awful lot in life.  This doens't mean that we don't have opinions, ideas, or goals, it means that we understand that our individual thoughs, ideas, opinions and goals are our own and do not apply to everyone else. Let me explain. 
          Lets take the idea of sociology.   Sociology is basically the study of ...well society.  A wise sociologist, when passing judgement on a particular society will take many things into consideration.   Environment, trading, education, laws, social relations, institutions etc.   If you spend time talking with a sociologist you will find that while they have very wise and educated ideas on historical societys and how they either rose, or fell, their judgements concerning todays society are, hmmm, cautious.   This is because they understand that while, say the economy, right now sucks it has the ability to change.  ANd why? because humans are unpredictable even with the best historical facts and are capable of change. Now lets take this idea on a smaller scale and narrow it down to an individual.
          First lets start with an individual passing judgement.   In order to pass judgement accurately it has to be fact based, but we also need to understand that if are dealing with the present change comes into play.  So can we honestly, and confidently use past experiences to judge someone, or something, now?   If you are on the recieving end of being judged how do we know when we should listen to the other person and trust their judgement?  Well.....I think I have and answer for this.  
          Doesnt matter which position you are in weigh the facts.  Is what you are judging, or hearing, make sense?  Is it fact based or emotion based?  Is it wise and unbiased?  Or is it just clever and lopsided?   I can make a very clever arguement for almost anything if I really wanted to just for the sake of arguement, doesnt mean that I will be right.  While I am making this very clever debate I could choose to use emtional blackmail and/or guilt manipulation.  Lets face it, its hard to argue with someone who is telling you the turth about mistakes you have made in the past; but heres the thing.  DOES IT APPLY NOW?  When you make, or take, a judgemnt that is emtioanlly based it becomes personal.   People will usually go on the defensive, become hurt and/ or angry.   The result of this is either the person being judged becomes resentful and stops listening to you; OR they do what you want them to regardless of it being right or wrong for them personally.  They may be temporarily happy because they have pleased you, but in the long run they changed for all the wrong reasons and the end result will not be good some where down the road.
          Passing a quick and sloppy judgemnt over someone, or something, is a form of control.  Anyone who chooses to instantly pass judgement based on past mistakes is not the same thing as passing judgement based on facts.   And the fact is that, when it comes to humans, we are capable of change. 
          My husband and I have made many mistakes.  It is through mistakes that we learn.  A child learning to build a block tower will try again and again until they get it right.  If a parent, or teacher, swoops in and does it for them to save them hurt and frustration what do they learn?  Basically that when they start to feel overwhelmed if they make enough noise about it someone will do it for them.  Hence you get teenagers who through horrifying fits with their parents to get what they want; and the parent is always confused by this behavior, "She was such a sweet child I dont know what happened."  Well...did you take care of everything for her while she was learning?  Mistakes have very important value and critisizing anyone for making them and holding past mistakes against someone is defeating the life learning process.   What is that saying?  Remeber when you point a finger that there are three pointing back at you.
          Anyways, thanks to the mistakes my husband and I have made this is what we agree on.   The only person we have to answer to is ourselves and if we choose to be a good, loving, compassionate, unselfish humans then everything else is really mute.   It is true, you can't take it with you.  Yes, admitedly we will pass judgemnt on persons who we feel live a selfish, unauthentic, superficial lifestyle.  But we look at the facts before we make this judgement and we are slow to judge.   Persons who we put into this catagory most often have no respect for others and therefore little respect for themselves.   These people put alot instore in money and how things look on the material plane.   On the outside everything appears perfect, dig a little deeper and you find a deep well of dissatisfaction. 
          We believe the things in life that make you truley happy and satisfied cannot be bought.  More stuff is just more stuff.   I had a family member who put alot in store in material things.   She surrounded herself with many "things" and all those tings did give her a certain sense of security.   Things don't leave, they don't let you down, they don't talk back, and they take your abuse.  If you don't like them you can easily get rid of them with no repurcussions.   When she died however she didnt take her mink with her, and no one wanted it.   Everything she held dear was dear to her only, and she left alot of people behind who felt resentful of her choices.   She ignored people who loved her, no one could ever please her, she never said I love you and she never shared that she was proud of her children.  True story, based in fact, no exageration, she choose to never change and lived her life this way till the day she died.   She had six people show up for her funeral.  Sad...I learned from the facts that this was not a life I wanted and set about doing it differently.  I take teaching life skills very seriously and back my knwledge up with facts. 
          There is a misconception among many people that success is measured by what you have and what you do, not who you are.   We are not defined by our job.   We loose a job there will be another.   We are not defined by what we own and have.   If we loose a job and have no income stuff goes away.   What is lasting is our ability to keep and sustain relationships.   Passing judgement based on what someone does, how much money they do, or do not have, and what kind of stuff they surround themselve with does nothing towards sustaining healthy relationships.  In my work I have met very wonderful, intellegent, loving, compassionate people who lived in environments that most of us can't even think of; or refuse to think of.   Here is something else for youto thing about.  
          When you choose to get yourself to a place where you choose to do what makes you happy, regardless of how much money you make, you learn to live happily with in your means.   You learn to surround yourself with what you truly feel you need to make you happy.  You find that the simplar life is the happier you are.  Things fall into place and you feel successful because you feel happy and genuinly secure in YOUR life choices.  Your happiness and security is contageous and the relationships you have are effortless. 
          So to those of you who choose to judge my life, and/or any of my loved ones, this is what I have to say to you.  Judge away...your opinion will not change anything.  When you have shared the facts with me that are not based on past mistakes and/ or are not emotionally based then I will respect your judgement.   But as long as you choose to tell me what you think is good for me, or anyone I love, based on "shit" that happened years ago (and yes I do mean shit because that is exactly what it was back then) then we have nothing to discuss.  You are still invited to participate and share my life, but prepare yourself for disappointment and know this.  That disappointment you feel in me and my loved ones is yours alone.   

  You better think (think) think about what you're trying to do to me
Yeah, think (think, think), let your mind go, let yourself be free

-Aretha Franklin