Buttercup

       

  http://onlineslangdictionary.com/meaning-definition-of/buttercup
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranunculus

Your background and circumstances at any one time have no bearing upon who or what you can become.  -author unknown


          It has taken me a little bit of time to think about what I wanted to write for this one.   I wanted the content to be thoughtful.   I have written about all of my kids, including my daughter in law, except for one.   A brief back ground for those of you who have not read all of my blogs.   We have three sons; two natural, and one whom we call adopted; although in all honesty he is not officially adopted.   The natural born sons are 20 and 26.  The adopted son is 31 and a friend of our eldest son.   Our sons have nicknames for each other, our adopted sons is Buttercup...don't know why, I think its one of those guy things that eludes me...anyways.    A couple of years ago Buttercup was struggling with some challanges in his life and needed a place to stay; we took him in and treated him as family.   Ever since then he is now a permanent family member, even though Im not quite sure it was ever something he bargained for.   This acceptance of being included in our slightly off colored family is a praise to him as a person.   With that said this blog is a praise to him.

          When he first came to us looking for some help he was confused with some events that had been taking place in his life.  He needed a place to stay while he sorted his life out.  To spare him embarrassment I will not delve into those events, or his past.  But in a nut shell he has over come many challanges put out there.   Events that would cause anyone in their right mind to question life.  When he came to us he was confused about what path he should be on.  Confused, a little angry, and depressed.   And honestly, who could really blame him?  In his eyes many people were not to be trusted; and to tell you the truth if any of us had been through some of the stuff he had we would all question peoples trustworthiness also.
          Heres the thing though.   In the time he spent with us he went from blame to understanding.  He learned that even though he may have been dealt some challanges unfairly he, one- was accountable for some of them; and two-he would learn from them (the ones he had choose and the ones he did not) and be better for them.   He stopped running; something he had unconsciously been taught I think.   This was hard for him, we all knew it.  There were times he was angry.  There were times he wanted to quit.  And there were times where he retreated; which is different from running.   Despite all of these feelings he started meeting life challanges head on despite his overwhelming urge not to.  He slowed down and looked at his life and the people in it more carefully, compassionateley, and petiently.   He learned that perhaps what he was feeling were signals to how he should deal with challanges.   He shifted his prioritys.   He learned.
          He has now finished a degree in computers, holds two jobs, and is working hard at making a relationship work.  He is an inspiring role model for anyone who has had even one of his life challanges.  There have still been times when he questions what he is doing...but who of us doesnt?   He wonders what will be at the end of all his hard work.  But none of us ever really know this.   And he wonders if the relationships he has choosen, friends and family alike (putting us into that catagory also) are the people he needs to help support him.  These are all thoughts and questions that we all have from one time or another.  These are the questions, that take time to answer, and put us on the path of confidence and contentment.   This is a process that takes a lifetime.   None of us really ever know why we are here, what are we doing all of this for.  My personal theory is we are here for each other.   I think the biggest obsticle our adopted son has had to overcome is learning to find people whom he could trust.   He is finding those and it shows.
          So I am here to say to him, in a venue where he knows others will know our mind and feelings concerning him.   You are doing great and we are very proud of you!  We have seen all the hard work you do, all the obsticles you over come, all the questions you answer and all the doubts you deal with.   With every one you have made a choice that has benefited your life, and others lives; even if you dont realize it now.  You have faced everything with thoughtfullness, compassion, petience and love.  (I know you may doubt this but for the sheer fact that you question this in yourself shows that you are being thoughtful.)  Many choices that we make we dont realize the benefits of until many years later.   (The best example of this is parenting.)   You will see the benefits of your choices.   You are growing as a person.
          Many times we get dealt a life that we did not ask for, or plan for.   Infact, honestly, that is the way it happens nine times out of ten.   It takes us years, sometimes, to realize that what we have been given in life is actually there for a reason.  Learning to enjoy and appreciate your life means learning to role with the punches; to deal with the unanswered questions, the phases where our relationships are crappy, and learning to be our own best support system.   Bascially learning to be confident with ourselves.   We all make mistakes.  Without mistakes we learn nothing.  But know this.  Dispite what anyone else says your adopted family sees you learning!   We see you becoming more confident!  And everything you have been given has made you a better person; a very worth while person.  So while this is a short praise the length of it does not lesson how we feel about you.   Where ever you go, what ever you do in life, no matter how little, or how much we see you, or talk with you, you are and always will be part of this family, and we are proud of your accomplishments.  :)  We will always support what ever choice you make concerning YOUR life.   We love you.

PS...forever here after Buttercup refers to what he was, not what he is now.  A reminder of how far he has come...a compliment not an insult.  The mom has spoken so it shall be.  :D