Obviously Obvious...or maybe not.

"Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious.  But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious..."   -Michael Stipe

"I love talking about nothing.  It is the only thing I know anything about."  -Oscar Wilde


          It was just a matter of time before everything Ive written led up to this.  This by no means implys that this is the end of" The Pith of the Matter."  As long as I can think and there are things to have an opinion on I will always...well...have an opinion.  :)   Everything that has come before this blog, and that will come after, has one thing in common; knowledge.  The never ending pursuit to understand more.  More of life and everything that it contains.
           Knowledge has several different deffinitions so to save time I am just ging to provide you with this;       http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/knowledge?s=t    and you can go check them out for yourself.   Heres what I want to know concerning knowledge.  Is there something as too much knowledge?  And how do we know if we have gained too much?
          Here is an article on when knowing too much can hurt you. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505125_162-31041025/the-knowledge-curse-when-knowing-too-much-can-hurt-you/    The sentence that stood out to me was,"when it causes you to assume that other people know what you do."  This was directed towards managers in a work place, but alot of this information was interesting, and relevant, for everyday use by us none manageing people. (sarcasm)  Don't we all, to one degree or another, manage many things, and people, in our lives?  If we are parents we manage our children.  We manage out homes, and our lives, on a daily basis.  We manage our anger and many other feelings.  So relevent... yes.
          Here's another one; http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/adltmem.htm  The sentance that I took with me was this,"The results show how some types of memeory might be better when people forget what they know and instead approach a subject with a child-like sense of naivate."   Phew, thank goodness for that! Permission to act younger than I am and not have people look at me like I should grow up!  Permission to also pretend that I don't know what the other person is talking about (when sometimes I do I just choose not to contribure.) And an actual good reason (other than menepause and age) for memory loss! There is more out there on this topic, but I tried to stick with those that introduced more factual evidence instead of personal opinions.  Not that others opinionand/or knowledge is adverse to me, its just that in expressing your own opinion on something I feel it is best to back it up with some factual data provided by persons who did some research and have an unbiased perspective on it.
          So now that I have that out of the way lets get to the meat shall we.   We all know people (on occasion I am one of them) proceed to spout out knowledge whether it is asked for or not.  My kids (and their friends) are awfully good at reminding me that they did not ask for my advice.  Yeah...ok...that is not the need for me to show off that I know so much more than they do and build my self esteem.  It is me being a mom, showing concern, and sometimes forgetting that I have raised great sons, who choose great friends, and they all usually know already what I am telling them.  (Usually casue I did tell them already. Sometimes as a parent you have to know that you said it out loud though...just incase.)   Anywhooooo......back to the know it all.
          We have all sat in a room with someone while they either state the obvious to everyone, and anyone, who will listen; ORRRR they spout a bunch of useless information that most people really arn't interested in.   Here's the thing though, the information that others percieve as being useless usually isnt useless to someone else, AND in a conversation if you dont like what you are hearing you do have the choice to politely and respectfully dispute it.  You can also change the subject to something that everybody in the room can partake in.  The point here is dont just sit there and complain that the only thing that "that person" ever has to contribute is such and such or yadda yadda and that is why you don't listen to them. 
          We all have things that we are passionate about, or find very amusing, and most of the time only a fraction of others around us will share the same passion and be amused by it.  I went through a phase where I was using "The Big Bang" tv series as a reference point to almost everything in life...alot of people didnt get it.  Although I often wonder if the ratings went up a little during this period because people in my life were tuning in to try and understand what the heck I was talking about. 
          Learning to be social and communicate with a wide variety of people is not something we obtain in the womb.  It is taught and learned through out life.  So using the excuse,"im not comfortable in crowds" wont work, most people are not comfortable in crowds.  There is a reason why there are so few really good public speakers.   Also saying,"Thats just who I am; my strength is not socialization." doesnt work either.   There are tools out there that help us look like we are strong socializers even if on the inside we don't feel so super hero like.   The point is there is something you can do about it to stop you from feeling uncomfortable and help others feel comfortable around you.   These tools not only help with making friends but will also help in the work place, at school, and any place where it is important to make your presence known.  If you want to progress forward in any aspect of life you have to learn to be social. Learning to communicate is important.  It is a right to make sure that people hear and understand you. 
          Here are some simple rules to get you started.  

• Use your good listening skills.  Look someone in the eyes when they are talking to you.  Don't fiddle with anything, dont watch tv or play on the computer.  Stop what you are doing and give them your full attention. 
• Say something, any nice comment that conveys that you have been listening.  There is something called validation, or mirroring.  This tool works as follows...simply repeat in your words what the other person just said.  Then they know you heard them. 
• Contiribute; but don't interupt.
• If you don't have anything to say, say,"interesting."  My Aunt, who use to be a lawyer, and was one of seven women to first graduate from Wayne State University taught me this.  The word interesting covers a wide variety of sins and is very open ended.  It also never sounds condescending or flase.
• Always and I mean ALWAYS be polite!  Use your manners!  Growing up I always taught my sons to speak their minds; but always make sure to use their manners when doing so.   People will listen to almost anything if you are being polite.  Start screaming, yelling, swearing, making threats, be sarcastic, etc. etc. and no one will listen.

Use these few tools regularly and soon you will find yourself being social.  Heres a couple of other sites that can help.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/effective_communication_skills.htm
http://www.wikihow.com/Socialize-Smoothly


          What about someone who knows how to be social but chooses not to?  They have  knowledge, and much more to back it up.  Perhaps they are persons who work in a very social field and sometimes at the end of a long day just don't feel like being social anymore.  Perhaps they are teachers (of any kind) who just don't want to dispense with anymore knowledge, or perhaps they work in some kind of people field where all they do all day is help others with their problems.  Is it wrong for them to come home and not want to talk about "it" anymore?  No I don't thing so. 
          In order to beable to work in these fields I think it is almost imperative that you take a break.  Heres the thing that gets my goat about when these people take a break.   Others around them suddenly start spouting a whole lot of information that is sometimes not factual, not truthful, and not really wanted on topics that they kow you are knowledgable in.  This is not the same as the "Arm Chair Psycho" this is someone just trying to fit in and not succeeding.  It is not the failure at fitting in that irritates me.  It is the look that this person will give the someone who is choosing not to be social in that particular stream of conversation. It is the look of challange.  Bleh...I say bring it...the challange here is not to disprove you but to not play your silly game.  
          Which brings me back to the idea of knowledge.   Knowledge is aquired through experience.  Experience in a variety of different life situations.  Knowledge and experience produces wisdom.   I think I have said this before.  You do not need to be very old to have aquired any of these.  Sometimes someone very young has wisdom beyond their years.  This is not always such a good thing.  It is why parents will sometimes try to protect their children from certain experiences.  This is also not always such a good thing.  Mabey the knowledge that your child gains from an experience will be more valuable then any thing you can tell them.  Yes you should still do your job and give them the benefit of your knowledge in the area in question; you are their role model, they need to hear it, and you need to say it.   But one: be careful how you share the information, and two: let them still go out and have their experiences.  Chance are their experience will not be the same as yours.  If it is?  Then give them what you didn't get.  If no one was their to help you pick up the pieces give them that.  If no one listended to your side of the story, listen to them.  If no one gave you a hug and said its ok everyone makes mistakes, do that!  If no one taught you what to do better next time, do that.  Easy peasy.  :)   Remember when we want to give our kids what we never had growing up it does not mean all the toys and cool material things; it means a greater understanding of the self.  When you have a greater self then getting the things you want in life is not such a challange.  Teaching love and compassion starts at home.
          The next thing about knowledge is this and is really in my opinion the most important thing to know.  YOU DONT HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING!!!   geesh....   I have more respect for someone who just honestly says,"I dont know, but I can find out."   Or,"can I have a little time to think about that and I will get back to you."   Knowing everything, or pretending to know everything, is exhausting.   And trying to be accomodateing to someone who is pretending to know everything can be even more exhausting....the whole scenario any way you look at it is...well...exhausting.   There have been countless times that I have said to a client,"I don't know."  Just be sure that if someone is depending on you to be supportive and help them that you follow through and find out; don't let them down.  Remember what you are teaching here.  Its ok to not know.  Its not ok to not learn.
          What about talking about nothing for a change!   Silence is always good, just absorbing each others good vibes and enjoying peace and quiet is very beneficial.   You dont need to fill the silence...really.   Instead FEEL the silence!  Then there is the benefit of talking about trivial crap.  You know things like...look at that butterfly, hey there is a red headed woodpecker!  Look that lizard is stalking something.  What is that smell?   Geez what did the dog eat?  You get the idea.  :)   Life really cant be a never ending stream of useful information...doesnt that defeat the purpose of living?  There is a benefit in learning to be bored.   For the person, or family, who is constantly on the go, boredom should be a necessity!  (Just dont make it a lifestyle.)
          Here's The Pith of the Matter; to live is to have life; be alive, not dead, to be active, thriving, vigorous, strong, burning, or glowing, flowing freely.   So to be passionate but not so much so that the passion detracts from other aspects of life.  To have a strong opinion but not so much so that others do not matter.  To know the facts but not so much so that you are closed minded to having them disproved.   To interact with others and appreciate their opinions, but not to the point that you dont, or cant express your own.  To go with the flow.  To listen, laugh, and learn. Share if you want.  Dont if you dont want to.  Keep an open mind.   Be appreicative of others; their passions, their opinions, their facts, but hold onto yours.  Most importantly dont know everything.  When you know everyting you have stopped learning, others stop listening, people stop socializeing with you.  You are not having experiences and have stopped living.  This is not wise.