FEAR

Look Within

There is no fire like greed,

No crime like hatred,

No sorrow like seperation,

No sickness like hunger of the heart,

And no joy like the joy of freedom.

Health, contentment and trust

Are your greatest possesions,

And freedom your greatest joy.

Look within.

Be still,

Free from fear and attachment,

Know the sweet joy of living.

-from the Dhammapada 

        

           Well here it is again that reoccuring theme.  This time it is one of those four letter words.  Fear.  Simple straight to the point, or you would think.   The idea of fear has changed over my life.  I didn't really realize this until recently when my husband proposed that we bring a gun into the house.  
          I love my husband, I see myself growing old with him but sometimes I have to look at him in wonder and say out loud to his face WTF?  This of course is a perfect example of only one of the reasons we are still together, we keep on surprising each other.  I did not take the gun issue well needless to say.  Even though he spoke softly and logicaly on the issue.  
          Im not sure I ever completely explained how different my husband and I are from each other and how we are often astonished that our relationship works.  He is Catholic, Republican, Conserviative, old school biker, Irish, German, a little OCD (especially when it comes to winding up electrical cords...yeah I don't get it either),thinks deeply, speaks little, is sarcastic, loves deeply, and cares for and protects what he loves.  In a nut shell those are also his rationales for owning a gun. 
          I am Buddhist, Democrat (sometimes), Liberal, I read alot, question everything, feel deeply, express my feelings ALOT, hardly ever keep my opinions to myself, love deeply, fight for what I feel is right, fight for those who can't fight for themselves, want the world to be fair, am mother to everyone, am a mut, am also OCD about keeping the house neat, and am very non violent.  I would rather talk it out, or back away from it.  
         Even though I knew who my husband is and love, respect and admire him for it I was still taken aback about him wanting to bring a gun into the house.  So I got to thinking about this whole gun thing.  Why didn't I really want a gun in the house?  He is a safe resonsible man who believes in our right to bare arms.  I couldnt really argue with him about that...didnt really want to.   He wants to beable to protect his family.  If there is a hurricane, like Katrina, then it might be necessary to have a gun not only for protection, but for food.  hmmmm  I can kinda buy that.  When the boys were boys and in boy scouts he often taught them that when you shoot something you do it with the intention of either protecting your life (or someone you love) or eating what you shoot.   Guns are serious things.   So why did, and do I have reservations?
Fear.
          Being a Buddhist I take my dedication to the service of human kind seriously, its why I am in Social Work.   Its why I try to be giving and loving and open my home to everyone.  The thought of having something in my home that promotes fear confused and frightened me.  I explained to my husband that I would rather pack up and leave what we have to who ever was trying to take it from us then to see him shoot someone.  Or see someone else be shot.   Or see him shot.   Because lets face it if we have come to such a state where we need to have guns in our homes to protect ourselves because outside our homes has become that fearful then our home has stopped becoming a home hasn't it?          
          We find and build our homes where we feel we will be safe and secure.  We want to feel happy and relaxed and content in our homes.  Doesnt the idea of having a gun in it detract from this?
Then get this....We, my classmates and teacher and I, are having a discussion in English about almost the same thing.   How people will lock there doors to their homes and cars out of fear of loosing their stuff!?!   Some one in class said the old phrase," if someone wants to get in bad enough locking a door wont keep them out."   But this conversation led me down another path.  
          We are not born fearful.  We are born being loving trusting beings.  So what makes us afraid?  Each other does...there it is.   The Pith of the Matter.   We learn to be fearful the first time our parents smack us or spank us.  We laern to be fearful the first time a bully makes fun of us.   We learn to be fearful the first time we get bit by a dog, the first time we fall off a bike, the first time we run and skin our knee's, or we see a car accident, or are in one, if we expereince mortality, or worst of all we view an atrocity.   Well this is not what we signed up for is it!  AND NO ONE tells us or teaches us to think or believe any differently!!! 
          Then the converstion took an interesting turn.  What if...what if!  Despite all of these fears, and many more, we choose, NOT to give in to fear?   Think about it.  How is this done?
          I remember years ago reading a book called the Gift of Fear.  Its a great read.  Very insightful.  The book is based on fact and gives lots of accounts of survivors who lived through unimaginable circumstances that most of us only read about.  Heres what they book teaches though.  All of us has some innate sense to help us identify fear.  Fear is the thing that tells us our life is in danger.   Worry is what accompanies that list of fears I named eearlier.   Those are not fears, those are worrys.   Fear is having someone hold a gun to your head and threaten to blow your brains out.  Your life is in danger.  Your life is not in danger when you fall down and skin a knee.   BUt most of us are not encouraged to get back on that bike and ride it again.   We become afraid of the skinned knee and the gun at our head becomes the worry. 
          People lock theie doors not only because they are afraid of someone breaking in and stealing their stuff but because they are fearful that someone will take their life.   But heres a question for you.  Are they afraid that taking their stuff is the same thing as taking their life?   Stuff can be replaced.   And sometimes we are suppose to loose the stuff to take us to the place we are really suppose to be in life.  Stuff gets in the way.   There is something very freeing in not having, or choosing not to, lock a door.
         Yes I say this as I sit comfortabley in my cushioned desk chair typing away on my new uber fast puter.   (dual screeing so I can have quick access to dictionarys, and referrences as needed.)  I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, a tv in every bedroom, one in the pit (den), family heirlooms, books galore, two dogs, a bird, three vehicles, two of which are paid for and a multitude of other comforts that keep me human.   But I can honestly say that I would give any of them to anyone willingly for the life of a loved one.   The stuff can be replaced.   I would feel more loss for the dinning room table that has been passed to us by Joes mother and is over 75 years old then for my Mustang.   That car I can replace, the sentiment of the table cannot not be.  And I think if someone were going to take anything it will be this puter and not the perfectly formed weeping Buddha carved out of wood.  
          In my career when I have tried to share this diea with people the most common reply is basically that I don't understand, I don't come from where they have, I havn't had the things that have happened to them happen to me.  I have always replied,"how do you know?"  "Look at you" they will say.  Your well educated, you dress nice, look at your car, your happy, peaceful...blah blah blah.   The truth is that I have had things happen to me that a few very select loved ones only know about.   They have changed my life.  And I was where they are.   But I over came the fear and choose love and compassion.  My life has been much better for it.   I shudder to think where I would be if I let those "challanges" paralyze me and keep me locked in my home.  (That life of a yellow butterfly would deffinetely be out of my reach.)
        Someone can take your life, but they can't take your soul unless you choose to let them.  People loose their souls everyday, much more often then their lives, and in the end isn't it the same thing?When we choose to live in fear we have lost a very valuable peace (yes spelled that way on purpose) of ourselves.   So do I agree to let my husband bring a gun into out home?  Yes probably, my fears are not his, but this doesnt mean that I dont understand his reasoning.  I don't think he see's this decision as being based in fear.  He is not a person who lives in fear, it is one of the things I love about him.  It is based in wanting to be a good loving protecting man that has always provided for the people he loves.  So I will put my fear aside and trust in his good judgement.  Because in the end that is what it is all about isnt it?