The Super Hero Pose: Or how I learned to have the last word.

   

“I go to seek a Great Perhaps.”
― François Rabelais

“Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were "I go to seek a Great Perhaps." That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

tags: francois-rabelais, last-words

    People who don't know me tell me that what I share is perceived as ranting.  People who do know me, and know me well, tell me that they, these inner circle people, understand that what I share are my thoughts and perceptions.  Not directed at anyone specifically.   
    Sometimes I vent, which is not the same as ranting.  Venting is blowing off steam so I can continue to try and deal with life, and all people, and circumstances attached to it, with as much compassion, patience, love and kindness as I can muster.  Thank you to the handful of friends and family who understand this and have my back. Ranting is constantly complaining and never have any intention of making a change. Recently a old friend entered and left my life attached to this value I keep and taught me something about myself that I want to pass along; once again in hopes of helping who ever reads my humble little blog.
   Periodically I make a Facebook post that is about a paragraph long, sometimes shorter, on a perception that I have had.  A couple of weeks ago I made a post that basically shared that we all get tired, we all feel that we have hit a brick wall.  We all feel the need to get away from it all, but its not always possible to do so.  My solution was, and still is, to take time to be in the moment.  Stop take a deep breath, meditate (what ever form it is for you) read a book, hold a hand, give hugs...you get the idea. 
   This old friend replied to my post, and this is not a direct quote but you'll get the jest, "You are so lucky, we live such different lives."  I replied that luck has nothing to do with it.  She disagreed and I left it alone.  But one of my inner circle friends replied that happiness, especially optimism, is a choice.  Which I completely agree with and told her so, complimenting her on her insight.
   I didn't want to call this old friend out on Facebook.  I personally don't like engaging, and causing conflict, in general I prefer to confront respectfully and compassionately.  So I messaged her and shared my perception of why I chose to post what I did. 
   Admittedly, looking back I really did not need to do this.  Realistically I know that I have no control over how anyone, but myself, chooses to perceive anything.  But there will always be a part of me that wants to try and ease someone's suffering, no matter how big or small that suffering is.  I am hard wired for this; when I try not to help in anyway that I can I feel lost, unfulfilled, sad and angry.  Feelings I personally don't like to subscribe to.
   People who don't know me have tried to imply that I am a control freak and need to have everything my way.  People who know me say I am always trying to do good, and to just set up appropriate boundaries so I don't hurt myself.  Which is usually what ends up happening.  I get hurt, not because I tried and failed, but because there is someone in the world who not only chooses to live a life filled with suffering and immerses him/herself in it, but because they made every attempt at trying to not only bring me into their suffering but to make me understand that living with suffering and living within suffering are the same thing.
   I am condensing the story, but I hope you can read between the lines.  The old friends reply to my share was, "I can see you still need to have the last word."
   Honestly this enraged me, and looking back now I think she new it would. (and shame on me for feeling the anger that I did)  I had forgotten about this ploy, this attempt that is used by some people to get someone to stop talking. It didn't work; I did reply but I went to a dark place and momentarily thought, in the end, who really cares what she perceives?  Then I remembered...I do. 
     I don't care what she perceives about me, in the end I continue to do what I know and feel to be right for everyone.  I strive to be selfless in everything I do not selfish. I choose to listen to the people who try to keep a positive outlook no matter what challenge the universe gives them.  And I choose to not let anyone diminish me.  These choices I make give me strength to help people who perceive that they are diminished.  No one should ever feel less.
   When I have the last word it is because I genuinely feel that their is another perspective that someone, even myself, has not considered.  That perspective should be talked about, and thought about.  That perspective neutralizes everything.  It doesn't give anyone the edge or makes winners or losers.  It brings understanding for everyone.
    So here's The Pith of the Matter.  No matter how hard it is.  No matter what your feeling; whether it is fear, sorrow, anger, or doubt, or all of them combined.  You have every right to be brave; share the last word when that word is kind, respectful, loving and compassionate.  Say what you have to say honestly then just back away from it.  Never stop fighting the good fight.  Look at the person trying to diminish you and/or life in general using the super hero pose.  Head held high, hands on your hips, a confident content look on your face, a slight compassionate smile, cape flying in the wind and use the super power we all have.  Your voice.  Someone somewhere will be listening.
Emaho  Namaste Peace out

“Heroes are made by the paths they choose, not the powers they are graced with.”
― Brodi Ashton, Everneath

tags: choices, heroes, paths

“In a room where
people unanimously maintain
a conspiracy of silence,
one word of truth
sounds like a pistol shot.”
― Czesław Miłosz

Drop the Story Line

“THE GOOD LIFE requires that we take pleasure in new things; A GOOD LIFE requires that we take pleasure in moments.

To enjoy THE GOOD LIFE we have to get ahead; to enjoy A GOOD LIFE we have to make the trip worthwhile.

THE GOOD LIFE is not supported by feeding our pocketbooks; A GOOD LIFE is supported by feeding our souls.”
― Steve Goodier

 

“If you can't change your mind, you can't change anything.”
― Orna Ross, After The Rising

 

“Optimists think badly, but live well.”
― Marty Rubin

 

       A bit of truth about myself.  I have days where I actually don't like people, which is why I am choosy about who I let into my life.  When I'm feeling pessimistic I too feel, like all of us, that people in general are pretty stupid. (I include myself in this thought.) They are full of hate, anger and many other emotions that I find very hard to deal with.  So I choose to live my life surrounded by people who promote, to the best of their ability, love, kindness, compassion and optimism. 

      There is a part of me that morns deeply when I cannot get along with someone.  I know it takes two to have a relationship so, being wired as I am, when a relationship fails, for what ever reason, I question; why can't we all just get along?  Why does life have to be so hard?  

      I have been told and called various things when I feel like this.  I have been told that I am throwing a fit. I have been told that I am unbalanced.  I have been called a Pollyanna. Some have said that I need to just let it go, get on with my life.  Thoughts and questions gifted to me for a reason.

      The universe has been throwing me challenges as of late in the form of learning to deal with persons who are, quite frankly, extremely hard to deal with.  I am not blind to the fact that, one- our greatest challenges will be our greatest teachers and; two- some people you just have to detach from for what ever reason.  This is the nature of things.  

      The people who cant be dealt with, compassionately, kindly, who insist on arguing, being angry, trying to change who you are, who constantly show, and feel, disappointment in you will be the ones you don't need in your life.  As my sister so eloquently put it, "They are not major players in your life."   But they are their to teach you something, about yourself. 

      These persons will be the ones who make you see, and or feel something that you don't like feeling.  Not just once, but every time you spend time with them.  Angry, sad, embarrassed about who you are, insecure.  These are the persons to say good bye to, not to spend your time trying to convince that what you choose to do with your life is worthy.  Some of these people may not come straight out and be so obvious about their displeasure with you.  These are the passive aggressive's.  Everyone knows someone like this.  The person who always throws out those comments that leaves you wondering what the hell did that mean?  Making you question, well, everything.  Sometimes questioning is good, but if it leads to, "Too much mind" then time to drop the story line and move on.

      Too much mind means that thinking has gotten out of control to the point where we allow thinking about anything to become destructive to ourselves, and sometimes those around us.  The thinking has stopped becoming constructive, and compassionate.  When thinking becomes this it is time to stop, take a deep breath, and drop the story line.

      The story line is something many of us do. It is all the what if's, the why's, that we ask about anything and everything.  However, the story line can be self destructive.  It can be addictive to a point.  The person who loves drama will build countless story lines and be in an almost constant state of too much mind building anger, hate, blame and resentment.

     There is balance in thinking.  There is balance in feeling.  But when both of these are allowed to rule you instead of you ruling them a persons perspective on life becomes unbalanced.

      We cannot change how someone else chooses to perceive our lives.  We can only change how we choose to respond to these people.  Some people will automatically walk away from someone who challenges their lifestyle.  I'm not so sure this is wise.  If everyone, and every situation, we meet and come across is there to teach us something why would we choose not to learn? 

      I personally go into all relationship's as best I can with an open mind and open heart.  Which is why perhaps I mourn a loss when they fail.  But here's the thing.  I need to know that I have tried everything that I can to get along with someone and if they choose to continue to treat me badly, to not try to understand, or if they can't understand at least be respectful of my choices then that is not a reflection of me, it is a reflection of the mirror they look into.  That is what I learn.  That is my challenge.  To know when to step back, to let go, but never stop trying.

      Even though we all try to make the world a better place.  To try and go out daily and make it a better place even if it means just smiling at a stranger.  Sometimes it will not be enough.  But we persist not because we like feeling bad, but because when a connection is made it feels good not only to ourselves, but to whom ever we touched. 

      The Pith of the Matter is this. A good life is not achieved by having stuff, more and better cars.  Bigger houses filled with stuff. Doing something doesn't mean keeping yourself busy to the point where you can't think anymore.  Mindlessly going through your days, the same routine, with out stopping and listening to the birds chirp, kids laugh, people smiling, the breeze on your face.  It means being in the moment and fully being aware of that moment.  With that said I will continue to go out and save the world in my small little way every day.  Even if that day is blogging, making optimistic Facebook posts, smiling at a stranger, making my husband a great dinner, hugging my grand daughter, telling my kids how proud I am of them; because maybe doing these simple things will encourage someone to go out and pay it forward.  We all do the best with what we have and that should always be enough. 

Peace out Emaho Namaste

 

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
― Maya Angelou

“Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.”
― Oscar Wilde

“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
― Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 5: 1959-1960