http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/journalism
When you look back on your life, whether it is at the beginning, the end, or some where in the middle, how many people have there been that have questioned your choices? If I give it some thought, and I don't have to think to deeply on it really, this actually started at the beginning of my life. Well...actually... as soon as I was able to question life in general it became part of my life. This got me to thinking. When, and why, do so many people get upset when they are questioned about their life, and the choices they make regarding THEIR life? I mean its your life right? Your the one who has to live with your decisions. So what is it exactly that makes us seek advice, share our feelings, and opinions with others, and then get upset when we don't hear what we want to hear?
I think I have this figured out.
In the beginning we seek out others opinions because it is human nature, it is the eternal search to want to be with people who think like we do. There is safety in numbers. (Which is very important when you are young and first experiencing the world.) There is also that saying that opposites attract however. When I think about my hubby and I we definitely don't agree on a multitude of things. Arguing with him actually makes him more attractive to me, especially if he's being intellectual about it. Well even if he's doing the cute divert and distract the wife ploy; really...c'mon we all think our hubby's are kind of charming when they try that. Intellectualizing with others, being independent thinkers is a mature, adult concept; something we learn and fine tune over time.
Any whooo...finding people whom we share interests with is important, and its not the same thing as the need to please people. We want to belong and feel supported. We don't want to feel alone. When there is a need to please we seek out advice, and then agree with that advice, even if when we don't...well...agree with it. These are two completely different concepts, both of which are used to sell information by the journalistic community. I think people are forgetting a couple of things about seeking out advice/ sharing opinions.
One- if you keep on seeking advice, and or sharing your opinion with someone, and they continuously disagree with you and/ or are disrespectful in their disagreement, then this is a red flag. A red flag to what you ask? Well to finding a new friend, or stop sharing certain things with this person. For instance; my grandmother did not in any shape or form agree with my choices...ever. Not exaggerating. Seriously. It took me awhile to figure out that I didn't need her approval just because she was my grandmother. SURE it would have been nice, but I was not lacking in love, and support, from other people. I was not doing anything morally wrong, and I learned from my mistakes. So I limited what I shared with her. It was always good news, and what I like to call weather/grocery store kind of conversation's. It worked, she didn't worry and I was happy.
When it comes to friends I have learned that I have many friends that fill different needs in my life. Some are great shopping partners, some are great eating out kind of friends, some like to talk about politics, books, movies, etc. etc. I have a very small circle of people whom I share intimate details of my life. Not everyone needs to know that stuff. I have found that very few people can be trusted to not gossip about your personal choices. You know that stuff that is good for you, but not for them, and causes them to start...ah hem...judging lifestyle choices. Uh yeah....
Don't get me wrong. I think that we are all a little judgmental in our own way. Even I will catch myself sometimes doing it. Judging is a kind of moral compass; but its an individual, personal compass. You keep it snug in your pocket, take it out periodically to make sure your on the right path, put it away and keep it to yourself. Use it respectfully. Yes I am going to judge that mom who is abusive, and neglectful, that is appropriate, and she should be. There are many people out there who are in tough situation and choose not to abuse and/ or neglect their child. BUT I am not going to judge how, and what spirituality, you teach your child. See the difference? I am also not going to go to every tom, dick, and sally, concerning your choices, and share my judgment. If I am asked I will respectfully, and compassionately, share the facts of how they could improve upon their parenting.
Yes we all get in a bad place and periodically vent to a loved one about who we perceive as being the assholes in the world. But that loved one keeps a secret and understands our human imperfections. Which leads me to my next point.
Two- In order to have people in our lives we kind of have to put up with some disagreements. Differing opinions and points of views. Varying degrees of feelings on a variety of topics. It is what makes us individuals. If we all shared the same opinions, and feelings on something the world would be a pretty dull place. I think what is needed is a little more tolerance and compassion. I think people have forgotten what these mean. SO I get to provide you with some definitions! Yippee!
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tolerance?s=t
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/compassion?s=t
Keep reading this will all come together. Recently one of the guys from Duck Dynasty made some remarks in GQ that were perceived by many as racist and bigot. I read them, to be honest I kind of agree. My personal opinion is that there is no God that supports discrimination. In fact I'm pretty sure that "she" supports compassion. (See what I did there. ;) ) The point here is that technically this person did express his opinion and is protected under our freedom of speech. I could argue that he has a moral responsibility to not advocate anything that could be perceived as racist, or bigot. BUT in his eyes, and the eyes of many other Americans, he is speaking a truth. His truth. Not mine, and not many others, but his, and many other Americans who think like he does. Honestly I have a problem with A&E suspending him. I think that action by A&E could be perceived as prejudice also.
http://www.gq.com/entertainment/television/201401/duck-dynasty-phil-robertson
Here is how I haven chosen to respond to this situation, and many others like it. First I inform my self with the facts. If anyone asks me I want to be able to respond respectfully, and factually. Next...I turn the channel!! I use to watch Duck Dynasty, Jase is cute, it was amusing. My family on my mothers side grew up in the hills of West Virginia so I can relate to their life style a little bit. BUT I do not support or advocate some one from the show voicing his religious views on why some people are "less" than others because of the way they choose to live. Now we are back to judging.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/judgment?s=t
Before I choose Buddhism I was Catholic, and before that, raised Lutheran. While I was searching my spirituality path I researched many different religions. I am by far no expert. I cannot speak for persons practicing their faith, I can only speak for my self. Faith is very personal. One of the reasons that I settled on Buddhism was the idea of suffering. In Buddhism everyone suffers from one degree to another. We also believe that everyone feels the need to alleviate suffering, whether it is their own or some one else's. So lets extend that idea to the Duck Dynasty fiasco. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fiasco?s=t
This guy truly believes in his spiritual path. In his perception, his ideas, for him, alleviate suffering. Now I could find ways to disagree all over the place. Many people could. BUT honestly I feel compassion towards the man. While he related what he feels, and believes, with respect, and a certain calm demeanor, he has separated himself, intentionally, from a percentage of humans. He has caused people to not just disagree with him, but express hate, and anger. Here is something else to think about.
It takes a certain amount of guts to share your personal opinion knowing that it will probably be shared with just about everyone in America. AND know that many Americans will disagree with you. Once again an example of freedom of speech. I have to question, like in other of my writings, how much responsibility do we take for how others feel? Are we not also responsible to ourselves for our own feelings? Yes there are triggers, but isn't it up to each individual to examine what triggers a certain feeling so we can either A) duplicate it or B) eradicate it? (When I say eradicate I mean finding a way to deal with the bad feeling in a healthy manner that causes no harm.) In the case of prejudice isn't putting more hate, anger and fear on top of the issue just supporting the feeling you don't want others to feel in the first place? ,,,just sayin.
Now here is the clincher, and the reason that it could be argued that Mr. Roberts form of free speech could do more harm than good. Lets use groups who use hate to further their perceptions of the world as an example. I am talking mainly of racist groups. Groups that promote hate, anger and fear. I would like to tell you that this mainly is a Anglo crime, but it is not anymore. Their are many people out their who discriminate.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/discrimination?s=t
You'll notice that this definition does not specify a certain group...its just a human thing. So why? Why does this happen? WHY when an individual expresses his, or her, personal view/opinion/feeling on something do we immediately lump it into a group issue? Doesn't that dismiss the idea of discrimination? How can we be respected as individuals if we are constantly identifying ourselves, or others, with a group? ...just sayin.
Well this comes full circle to seeking out people who share our opinion and feelings. If we feel fear for something that we don't understand we will seek others who share that fear. If we feel anger over a group because of injustices to ourselves, loved ones, or persons we identify with, then we will seek out others who share the same opinion. Belonging to a group can be empowering. Look at gangs!
IF we feel compassion, and understanding, for people who feel fear, and anger, then we will surround ourselves not only with people who feel the same way, BUT we will also surround ourselves with people who feel hate, anger and fear. AND this is powerful. When your feelings, and opinions, cannot be swayed by anger, hate and/ or fear that is when change starts. Truth. We start listening to each other...the feelings don't get in the way of the facts.
I remember a conversation with someone who is very Christian, he is a deacon. He wanted to know why I switched from Christianity to Buddhism. I shared the long path that took me to where I am now, and then I shared that in Christianity God is the light; in Buddhism I am the light. I am responsible to myself for my actions. He disagreed, BUT the conversation took place is such a way that we respected each others choice! It was not full of hate, anger and or fear. It was just FREE SPEECH!!! Yes, I surround my self with people who think and live as I do. BUT I have a career that does none of this. Almost every day I challenge myself to find ways to show, and teach others to live a more compassionate life. I do not want to convert them, I just want them to feel more happy and content. So I am always looking for ways to do this. One of the best ways is to not subscribe to feelings of hate, anger and fear.
A couple of nights ago I watched a documentary on famous people, and journalism called Sellebrity. It covered everything from the beginning of how famous were portrayed when the movies were first evolving, to now, and the behavior of the paparazzi. It was all very interesting, but, a couple of things stood out for me..they were very profound, and a little bit scary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA2f35fGyzk
There was a lawyer who represented the press, and freedom of speech in the film. What she basically shared was that the news now has become mostly gossip. The gossip became popular with the INTERNET! The use, and popularity, of things like Facebook. u-tube and sites like TMZ. There is no law that really governs, and enforces, misinformation on the internet. Freedom of speech does, kind of, but there are loop holes.
She shared that we now have the obligation to research what we see and read! Many people who are on the internet, and the paparazzi, are not actually considered to be journalists, and not always protected under freedom of speech as it applies to journalists. So some one writing a blog may not be protected!?! On the flip side anyone can go out, purchase a camera, take pictures of someone famous, and then be considered a journalist!?! Many of these sites, like TMZ, report information that has not been researched. They have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to purchase photos with no story behind them. YES some of what we see is accurate, but much more of it is not backed up with factual research! Or worse yet, backed up with a humiliating dramatic story, half the story or no story at all! This is not free speech! It is gossip! There was a time where journalists had ethics to abide by, and a code of conduct; this definitely is not applying to many journalistic venues now.
https://www.aclu.org/technology-and-liberty/internet-free-speech
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/gossip?s=t
http://ethics.journalism.wisc.edu/resources/ethics-in-a-nutshell/
Here is where the whole thing gets genuinally bizarre for me! I cant tell you how often I have heard people say, either in the work place, or at school, or even in the privacy of their own home, that they don't want to engage in gossip, but then will go out on the internet and read crap, buy gossip rags, and watch gossip shows on tv!?! I mean really people WTF!!!! You are contributing to the suffering of someone, not to mention being a hypocrite! Fame does not mean that people give up their right to be human; to want personal lives with their own personal feelings, and view points, on the same things we do. They have a right to free speech also. BUT are unable to express it because what they think and/ or feel will be plastered all over the place! And I mean all over the place! Magazines, newspapers, tv, and the internet. Anything that shares information to the masses.
Once again we can argue that persons who engage in the idea of fame have a moral obligation to society and should censure themselves. How then do you explain, and justify reality shows? How then do you convince the press that they cannot publish personal items concerning famous persons because it will have out lying consequences when they believe that it is their moral obligation to publish some star, in her own backyard, sun bathing topless? Where and how do we draw the line?
This documentary also interviewed many people with in the norm, of all ages, and backgrounds who admitted to looking at these diffrerent mass media sources. They said it was like a train wreck...you cant look away. Isnt this again contributing to suffering? Do we need to see others misery to make ourselves feel better? Or are so many of us truly so disconnected from reality that we need to be reminded that famous people are just people too? I think this is the effect of reality tv. It concerns me when our youth, you know the generaton that will be running the world one day, strive to be on a reality show for a career. Reality shows are not reality! People do not act like people on reality shows 24/7! It is once again drama, and supposed entertainment, although I have never found any of it entertaining. This is what is replacing soap operas by the way!
Ok so here is the Pith of the Matter. I will make this straight to the point. This is America, do we like what we see and hear on tv? Not always, BUT we can turn the channel. We don't have to visit internet sites that engage in disrespectful communication. AND we don't have to buy reading material that encourages bad behavior! (Which by the way could apply to GQ?!? Some irony btw...a men's gossip rag? Really? I thought men didn't engage in gossip?) As long as their are people out there willing to pay for the gossip, and drama, there will be people out there who can make money off of it!
Not sure if what you are seeing, and/ or reading, is the truth? RESEARCH it!! (This need to believe everything we see as the absolute truth is, by the way, what I feel to be, just one of the outcomes/ symptoms of too much internet, and not enough actual reading of books.) Question what you see and read! Share your opinion, who cares if others disagree! Its yours! I guarnetee their are people out their who think like you. Be responsible, and respectful, of others opinions! You don't have to agree with everyone, but under the idea of freedom of speech you are obligated to be polite and respectful! Use compassion when you know some one is hurting. Fear, anger and hate are all symptoms of ignorance and/or hurt. You don't need to be smug and/or judgmental. May be just give that angry, hurtful person some thing they never have had; some one who genuinely listened to them, respects their opinions, but chooses not to support it. You can respect a view point, and not support the feelings behind it. Respect the fact that not everyone will agree with you, and some may even not like you for your opinions, and that that is OK! You are not perfect, not everyone will like you! Its human nature, we all have that in common. ;)
One last thing for you to ponder. That lawyer shared that when mass media becomes nothing but gossip, that, that will be the real end of democracy. When we have lost the ability to not only distinguish the difference from gossip and reality, but to not take the time to question it, and research what we see, and hear, then we have lost one of the most fundamental rights that sepreate Americans from the rest of the world. Scary huh...makes you want to change the channel now doesn't it? Disagreeing is actually a good thing. Its how we choose to communicate our differences that is wrong. In other areas of the world people go to jail for the freedoms we have.
Peace out
“Just because something isn't a lie does not mean that it isn't deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.”
― Criss Jami
― Criss Jami
